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my boyfriend is great 9 out of 10 times
Sandcastle
Streetmusician



This is a tldr moment.. i just want to rant a little. Don't mind if you dont like these kinds of posts.

So the guy i'm dating is so amazing in so many ways. He's an all around good guy, very gentleman-ish and charming. He's a few years older than me. Also not too bad looking .: )
He's always respectful when around my family. He gets along with everyone. He's a nice person, generally speaking. Always makes the people around him laugh..

I do love him but in some ways we differ too much. I know I'm being so insecure but I often feel that I'm not good enough for him. For example, this is tmi and i'm sorry but i'm not a overly sexual person and I often feel that he only wants sex whenever we hang out. We do normal couple things and hang out but in 9 out of 10 times it will end with sex.. Now i know this doesn't sound like a big deal but we don't get to hang out too often because i have school and he has work so i appreciate doing other things than just that. We ended up getting in a huge argument because i told him my honest feelings and he got angry. The thing that hurt me the most is that he brought up HIS ex and basically compared her to me.. Anways. Like usual, it ended up with him getting whatever he wanted like always.

He's always so sweet and respectful to me otherwise so why does this thing has to ruin it all?
If i'm being honest, this relatipnship feels like I only have to put in effort to make him happy. Obviously he's intentions isn't to hurt me but i can't help feeling sad about it. His good sides definitivly outweights his bad sides but I still just wanted to rant about it because it's honestly getting frustranting not being able to talk about it without being blamed for it. Like dude, if your ex was so much better, why not go back with her? YIKES this is my first relatipnship too so i'm new to this. But even if i had 100 exes, i wouldn't compare any of them to my current. Oh well!
Private
International star



 ut he does have hands like the majority of humans, yes? 
Private
Youtube star



this is intense
Sandcastle
Streetmusician



Snusmumrikken wrote:
 ut he does have hands like the majority of humans, yes? 
Haha omg. Apparently not!
Rosheo
World famous



People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 


Quinzelle
World famous



rosheo wrote:
People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 
^

Also, he sounds kinda manipulative from the quote "anyway, it ended with him getting what he wanted again" - that's not very healthy and is definitely a red flag : /
Kaaos
World famous



Sandcastle wrote:
For example, this is tmi and i'm sorry but i'm not a overly sexual person and I often feel that he only wants sex whenever we hang out. We do normal couple things and hang out but in 9 out of 10 times it will end with sex.. Now i know this doesn't sound like a big deal but we don't get to hang out too often because i have school and he has work so i appreciate doing other things than just that. We ended up getting in a huge argument because i told him my honest feelings and he got angry. The thing that hurt me the most is that he brought up HIS ex and basically compared her to me.. Anways. Like usual, it ended up with him getting whatever he wanted like always.
Hi not that it's any of my business but everything about this paragraph sounds like a colossal red flag to me

Talk to him and if he gets mad because you try to state how you feel and want to discuss the nature of your relationship, he really is not that much of a gentleman at all, he's a dick and you should leave
Fiex
Youtube star



don't do things just to make him happy. 
Cappuccino
National star



nah bro if he manipulates you to do sexual things with him he aint it
Sandcastle
Streetmusician



rosheo wrote:
People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 
You're right. He's not forcing me into doing anything though. I'd rather just not have to deal with him getting angry and getting into unnecessary arguments/fights (and possibly him leaving me). We're compatible otherwise so it's a shame.

Our relationship is pretty new. We've been together for a few months now. Hopefully you're right about that
Private
World famous



Sandcastle wrote:
rosheo wrote:
People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 
You're right. He's not forcing me into doing anything though. I'd rather just not have to deal with him getting angry and getting into unnecessary arguments/fights (and possibly him leaving me). We're compatible otherwise so it's a shame.

Our relationship is pretty new. We've been together for a few months now. Hopefully you're right about that
except that his anger is unjustified to he is essentially emotionally manipulating u

which IS force .  bc u feel u cant say no
Sandcastle
Streetmusician



Yoko wrote:
Sandcastle wrote:
rosheo wrote:
People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 
You're right. He's not forcing me into doing anything though. I'd rather just not have to deal with him getting angry and getting into unnecessary arguments/fights (and possibly him leaving me). We're compatible otherwise so it's a shame.

Our relationship is pretty new. We've been together for a few months now. Hopefully you're right about that
except that his anger is unjustified to he is essentially emotionally manipulating u

which IS force .  bc u feel u cant say no
I can say no and just break up with him but I chose not to. When we first started talking when I was in a bad place mentally and he's helped me through a lot. We have shared similar experiences and he can understand me like nobody else can. He has also struggled with depression, so he really gets me.

Obviously this is a negative thread about him so i really put him in a bad light but he is a good person. I don't want this thread to be me being a perfect partner while he is evil. Of course I have faults as well, otherwise we wouldn't have these problems.
Rosheo
World famous



Sandcastle wrote:
rosheo wrote:
People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 
You're right. He's not forcing me into doing anything though. I'd rather just not have to deal with him getting angry and getting into unnecessary arguments/fights (and possibly him leaving me). We're compatible otherwise so it's a shame.

Our relationship is pretty new. We've been together for a few months now. Hopefully you're right about that
What you're doing is called husfridssex (translation: house-peace-sex which bascially means sex to prevent your partner from getting angry) That's not a good thing. It's commonin domestic violence relationship, also the fact that he seems manipulative, that's why people are commenting that this is a red flag. 

This is definitly a flaw in the relationship. And I'm sure he's a good person overall, but manipulation and anger are usually not very flattering traits in a relationship. I suggest you talk to him about this again, if he's a good person he will atleast try to understand how you feel. 

Like you said you can say "no", but how are you suppose to say no when he gets angry at you for saying no?
Sandcastle
Streetmusician



rosheo wrote:
Sandcastle wrote:
rosheo wrote:
People have different sex drives, it sounds like he has a higher sex driver than you. Just because you're his partner doesn't mean you have to have sex with him just because he wants to. It was good that you brought this up with him and I honestly don't think he has the right to be mad at you.

I don't know how long you've been dating but the sex thing is usually intense in the begining, then it usually calms down. 

And comparing you to his ex, not cool, not okay. 
You're right. He's not forcing me into doing anything though. I'd rather just not have to deal with him getting angry and getting into unnecessary arguments/fights (and possibly him leaving me). We're compatible otherwise so it's a shame.

Our relationship is pretty new. We've been together for a few months now. Hopefully you're right about that
What you're doing is called husfridssex (translation: house-peace-sex which bascially means sex to prevent your partner from getting angry) That's not a good thing. It's commonin domestic violence relationship, also the fact that he seems manipulative, that's why people are commenting that this is a red flag. 

This is definitly a flaw in the relationship. And I'm sure he's a good person overall, but manipulation and anger are usually not very flattering traits in a relationship. I suggest you talk to him about this again, if he's a good person he will atleast try to understand how you feel. 

Like you said you can say "no", but how are you suppose to say no when he gets angry at you for saying no?
I totally understand what you mean but I just want to make it clear that he's not forcing me to sex. He's not threatening violence against me or any other abuse like that. I can see how he does seem to be manipulative tho and he kind of is, if i'm being honest. It's either his way or the highway when it comes to this kind of stuff.

I'm fed up with trying to talk to him. If i briefly mention it, he doesn't seem to care and when we have serious discussions about it, he gets angry. It's frustrating to me because it's either that I put up with it or we break it off and obviously I don't want that since he's a good guy in all other aspects. It does help me mentally to talk about it (like i'm doing right now). So it's okay. There are relationships that have it FAR worse than me and i'm generally happy in our relationship (expect for this issue obviously).

I appreciate your advice a lot. You seem to know what you're talking about, so thanks!
Private
International star



sounds like a manipulative man child 

as we say in sweden KASTA HONOM GOMMAN (dump his ass)
Gilmore
World famous



cappuccino wrote:
nah bro if he manipulates you to do sexual things with him he aint it

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