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cobain wrote:
Life keeps giving me bitch slaps <333333333333333
I've been in love with him for over 3 years. I fucking fell head over heels as soon as I laid my eyes on him and I'm not even joking. I just knew I had to have him in my life.
Well, we're 3 years in, we're not together and I don't know if we'll ever be. He's not ready, but I'm waiting for him even though he has told me not to, and I've never gotten any answers to anything. I have never ever known if he feels anything for me or not. The only thing I know is that we can't keep our hands off each other every time we're partying, but that might not mean anything, because he's drunk.
This summer I sort of came to a breaking point. I had tried for so long to work shit out, understand, and be patient but I just couldn't anymore when he wasn't giving me anything back. It sounds dramatic but I was just so tired of feeling alone. So I started seeing someone else.
I ended up seeing this someone else quite regularly, but we don't have anything serious, we agreed on that. We're just hooking up and having a bit of fun now and then. We rarely talk in between, and that's okay with me. It has felt good to be able to distance myself from this very hard situation, I've been able to move my focus to something else for a while and I don't feel so mentally exhausted anymore. Not like that at least.
Last weekend, I met the guy I'm in love with at a party for the first time since early July. We're friends and we talk every day, so it's nothing weird about that. We had fun and it was a good party, up until I started puking etc. I was crying, said to one of our friends in common that I'm seeing someone and that I don't know how to tell him because I don't want to hurt him.
This friend said that to him, and he got really angry at me and just had a way over the top reaction if I'm honest. We talked it out the next day, and he claimed he got angry because I didn't tell him and that he got to hear it from someone else instead. Which, by the way, was never my intention. I've wanted to tell him, I just didn't know how to, and I haven't had a chance to either because I wanted to take it face to face, but we hadn't met since I started seeing that other person.
Anyways, he has said to me it's fine that I'm seeing someone as long as I'm happy and feeling good, and he himself isn't ready and he has told me to not wait etc and he sticks by that.
This week he has talked to me so much, more than he has the last couple of months. He has made some jokes that came across as passive aggressive, although it's also his type of humor so it might just be that.
At 3am he drunk called me and talked a lot about the person I'm seeing. My own sister out of everyone has told him the details of the person I'm seeing, so I guess that set him off in a way. He asked about him, he made passive aggressive jokes I guess, asked me why I am with that person and what the deal is, and was like "when you're done with him, are you coming to sleep with me then?" (PS that sounds sexual in English but not in Swedish). I told him yes. And I told him I don't need to be with that other person. He told me I should if it makes me happy, because he himself has nothing to give me anyways. He then went on about how he can't give me biological children, how bad of a person he is, that he's fucked up etc. And we talked about that, I told him that none of his worries matters to me, that he IS an amazing person etc.
After about 30-40 minutes we hung up and he wrote to me that he's sorry and again that I can't get a good life with him, that he's not planned on getting older than 30-35, that I shouldn't waste my time. And again, I answered him in the best way possible, letting him know that I'm here for it all and I will always be, he doesn't need to worry because I love him.
And that was that, I guess. He's gonna be so anxious when he wakes up today, I bet on it.
But now I just feel like I'm in such a weird and awkward position. I am so in love with him and I want him, but I know that if I stop seeing that other person, he's still not going to be able to be with me. But I feel like absolute shit if I keep seeing the person, because obviously my guy is not too fond of that. He has told me it's fine and I know that he wouldn't want to come between me and anyone, he's reasonable, but it's obviously weighing on him.
And all of this sort of proves to me that he has feelings for me, I guess? He has still never said anything straight out, but he has never said that he doesn't either, and I know he's done that plenty of times in his life, both to close friends and strangers. Everyone falls in love with him, that's just how it is.
Life keeps giving me bitch slaps <333333333333333
I've been in love with him for over 3 years. I fucking fell head over heels as soon as I laid my eyes on him and I'm not even joking. I just knew I had to have him in my life.
Well, we're 3 years in, we're not together and I don't know if we'll ever be. He's not ready, but I'm waiting for him even though he has told me not to, and I've never gotten any answers to anything. I have never ever known if he feels anything for me or not. The only thing I know is that we can't keep our hands off each other every time we're partying, but that might not mean anything, because he's drunk.
This summer I sort of came to a breaking point. I had tried for so long to work shit out, understand, and be patient but I just couldn't anymore when he wasn't giving me anything back. It sounds dramatic but I was just so tired of feeling alone. So I started seeing someone else.
I ended up seeing this someone else quite regularly, but we don't have anything serious, we agreed on that. We're just hooking up and having a bit of fun now and then. We rarely talk in between, and that's okay with me. It has felt good to be able to distance myself from this very hard situation, I've been able to move my focus to something else for a while and I don't feel so mentally exhausted anymore. Not like that at least.
Last weekend, I met the guy I'm in love with at a party for the first time since early July. We're friends and we talk every day, so it's nothing weird about that. We had fun and it was a good party, up until I started puking etc. I was crying, said to one of our friends in common that I'm seeing someone and that I don't know how to tell him because I don't want to hurt him.
This friend said that to him, and he got really angry at me and just had a way over the top reaction if I'm honest. We talked it out the next day, and he claimed he got angry because I didn't tell him and that he got to hear it from someone else instead. Which, by the way, was never my intention. I've wanted to tell him, I just didn't know how to, and I haven't had a chance to either because I wanted to take it face to face, but we hadn't met since I started seeing that other person.
Anyways, he has said to me it's fine that I'm seeing someone as long as I'm happy and feeling good, and he himself isn't ready and he has told me to not wait etc and he sticks by that.
This week he has talked to me so much, more than he has the last couple of months. He has made some jokes that came across as passive aggressive, although it's also his type of humor so it might just be that.
At 3am he drunk called me and talked a lot about the person I'm seeing. My own sister out of everyone has told him the details of the person I'm seeing, so I guess that set him off in a way. He asked about him, he made passive aggressive jokes I guess, asked me why I am with that person and what the deal is, and was like "when you're done with him, are you coming to sleep with me then?" (PS that sounds sexual in English but not in Swedish). I told him yes. And I told him I don't need to be with that other person. He told me I should if it makes me happy, because he himself has nothing to give me anyways. He then went on about how he can't give me biological children, how bad of a person he is, that he's fucked up etc. And we talked about that, I told him that none of his worries matters to me, that he IS an amazing person etc.
After about 30-40 minutes we hung up and he wrote to me that he's sorry and again that I can't get a good life with him, that he's not planned on getting older than 30-35, that I shouldn't waste my time. And again, I answered him in the best way possible, letting him know that I'm here for it all and I will always be, he doesn't need to worry because I love him.
And that was that, I guess. He's gonna be so anxious when he wakes up today, I bet on it.
But now I just feel like I'm in such a weird and awkward position. I am so in love with him and I want him, but I know that if I stop seeing that other person, he's still not going to be able to be with me. But I feel like absolute shit if I keep seeing the person, because obviously my guy is not too fond of that. He has told me it's fine and I know that he wouldn't want to come between me and anyone, he's reasonable, but it's obviously weighing on him.
And all of this sort of proves to me that he has feelings for me, I guess? He has still never said anything straight out, but he has never said that he doesn't either, and I know he's done that plenty of times in his life, both to close friends and strangers. Everyone falls in love with him, that's just how it is.
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