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boy trouble - pls help
Private
National Star



Joolz wrote:
right, so this is probably gonna be a long text bc i need to give you all some backstory, bear with me people

i met a guy back in may at a festival in brighton and i got his phone number because we were talking about meeting up for drinks (with groups of friends) after the last gig. we ended up not meeting, but we have been texting ever since (so 3 months-ish now). it was never intended to be anything romantic as he has a gf, but we just clicked (it happens) and a few weeks ago we both ended up saying we fancy the other. he's already coming to see me in norway in about a week, this trip was planned before we had "the" conversation and it was intended to just be a week with two friends chilling about in oslo. BUT after we talked about feelings and such we decided that we want to see where things potentially could go without any of us having expectations for anything to happen.

disclaimer: he is breaking up with his gf, this is not related to me but he's currently in a v toxic relationship and its v complicated and i'm not gonna go into details about it, but he's breaking up with her before he's coming (i'm not gonna be anyone's side-meat).

here's the issue: yesterday he was out in london with a mutual friend of ours, she's a v lovely girl and they've been friends for ages. he keeps talking about how excited he is to see me, and to hug me and chill with me, and talks about all these things he wanna do. he then, last night, decided to tell me that he LIKES BOTH OF US and is v confused about it. classic me i'm already pushing him away because that's the kind of person i am, and i told him i'm not keen on being anyone's second choice and if he likes her he should go for it. i have commitment issues, so taking my guard down and completely open up and trust someone is v hard for me, so naturally for me pushing him away now before the feelings get too strong felt like the best way. he and our mutual friend live in the same city and she's v pretty +++, so obviously i'm finding reasons for him to be with her instead of me. idk

if you've managed to read all of that, what do you guys think about the situation?

- there's like so much i could have added to maybe help you understand our relationship more, but i didn't wanna make it too long soz
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:13 | Times changed: 2
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Joolz wrote:
this is the last message i sent to him, he hasn't replied to it yet. he might still be at work

"i get that. all i’m saying is that i’ve been in the situation before where i’m “one of many”, and it’s a shitty feeling to feel like you’re someone’s second choice or whatever. not saying that’s what you’re doing, but saying that you like more than one person, after sending pictures of being out with the other girl is a bit weird. if you like her, then go for it, but then maybe it’s better that we agree now to just be friends, because i don’t wanna let myself build feelings and then get hurt"
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:16 | Times changed: 1
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Joolz wrote:
have i like totally ruined it? is it gonna be weird now when he comes? oh god
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:17
Account deleted




wrote:
im gonna go ahead and bump this, as im not that good w advice 
Date: 18-08-2018 23:18
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National Star



Joolz wrote:
Annihilation wrote:
im gonna go ahead and bump this, as im not that good w advice 
thank you x
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:22
liljaa
Youtube Star



liljaa wrote:
ughhh so im rlly bad w advice.... 
but i kind of agree with u.. i mean i wouldnt feel good either if i would be a second choice?
but good luck!!
11
Posts: 115
Date: 18-08-2018 23:22
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World Famous



Yoko wrote:
i was one of 3 people a guy liked and he only confided this in me and tbh 

i decided that wasnt good enough for me.  this aint a competition, i dont compete for peoples love.  if he loved me he would have not put me thru that emotional burden of dealing with the whole situation.

i dont regret this decision .


so if i was u i would do that same thing .    move on, clearly he doesnt care enough to make that decision by himself .   are u and the other girl rival products in a supermarket, do u wanna try to sell ur product until he makes a choice ?  let him compare and contrast?       hell no
21
Posts: 23197
Date: 18-08-2018 23:24
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Joolz wrote:
Yoko wrote:
i was one of 3 people a guy liked and he only confided this in me and tbh 

i decided that wasnt good enough for me.  this aint a competition, i dont compete for peoples love.  if he loved me he would have not put me thru that emotional burden of dealing with the whole situation.

i dont regret this decision .


so if i was u i would do that same thing .    move on, clearly he doesnt care enough to make that decision by himself .   are u and the other girl rival products in a supermarket, do u wanna try to sell ur product until he makes a choice ?  let him compare and contrast?       hell no
yeah, i completely get what you're saying. but then also, is it too much to ask of him at this point (don't think i was being clear about his in my op), but we haven't really spent any time together IRL. so how could he possibly know what he feels, right?  
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:31
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World Famous



Yoko wrote:
Joolz wrote:
Yoko wrote:
i was one of 3 people a guy liked and he only confided this in me and tbh 

i decided that wasnt good enough for me.  this aint a competition, i dont compete for peoples love.  if he loved me he would have not put me thru that emotional burden of dealing with the whole situation.

i dont regret this decision .


so if i was u i would do that same thing .    move on, clearly he doesnt care enough to make that decision by himself .   are u and the other girl rival products in a supermarket, do u wanna try to sell ur product until he makes a choice ?  let him compare and contrast?       hell no
yeah, i completely get what you're saying. but then also, is it too much to ask of him at this point (don't think i was being clear about his in my op), but we haven't really spent any time together IRL. so how could he possibly know what he feels, right?  
ok then

go on a date with him and decide if you want to date him or not

if u do, tell him ur only interested in a mutually exclusive relationship and if hes not down for it then ur just gonna have to be friends
21
Posts: 23197
Date: 18-08-2018 23:32
Private
National Star



Joolz wrote:
Yoko wrote:
Joolz wrote:
Yoko wrote:
i was one of 3 people a guy liked and he only confided this in me and tbh 

i decided that wasnt good enough for me.  this aint a competition, i dont compete for peoples love.  if he loved me he would have not put me thru that emotional burden of dealing with the whole situation.

i dont regret this decision .


so if i was u i would do that same thing .    move on, clearly he doesnt care enough to make that decision by himself .   are u and the other girl rival products in a supermarket, do u wanna try to sell ur product until he makes a choice ?  let him compare and contrast?       hell no
yeah, i completely get what you're saying. but then also, is it too much to ask of him at this point (don't think i was being clear about his in my op), but we haven't really spent any time together IRL. so how could he possibly know what he feels, right?  
ok then

go on a date with him and decide if you want to date him or not

if u do, tell him ur only interested in a mutually exclusive relationship and if hes not down for it then ur just gonna have to be friends
that's a shout, thank you!

he replied to me, and i think we've decided to just be friends for now. it's all way too complicated for me, but you never know what happens when he's here, i guess
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:34
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prplez wrote:
idk i think maybe wait and see what happeneds and if his opinion changes? i think it's totally normal to fancy more than one person person (and natural to do so) but when it gets to serious relationship vibes thats when he should close his options/make a decision who he wants to be with. 

also unrelated soz i was bored and u had ur instagram on ur profile so i had a peak and i love your dress sense!
17
Posts: 5868
Date: 18-08-2018 23:35
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Joolz wrote:
prplez wrote:
idk i think maybe wait and see what happeneds and if his opinion changes? i think it's totally normal to fancy more than one person person (and natural to do so) but when it gets to serious relationship vibes thats when he should close his options/make a decision who he wants to be with. 

also unrelated soz i was bored and u had ur instagram on ur profile so i had a peak and i love your dress sense!
yeah i know, i just tend to push people away before it gets too real so i don't have to feel anything about it. like it's easy to just stop seeing someone or whatever if you're not too invested, but if i let myself actually start feeling something for someone and then get hurt i might die (probably not, but it just takes me ages to move on)

haha thank you!
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:44
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Mariannah wrote:
Ok, babe, I'mma give you my two cents here. 

1. He chose to be open with you about this, so clearly he's an honest guy.
2. If he likes two people at once that doesn't necessarily make you a second choice, because he probably haven't tried his luck with the other girl yet? They might just be friends, and he probably won't play you both as you are friends as well.

When he comes to see you in Oslo (where I'm also gonna meet and kick his puny ass if he decides to be a dick) you don't necessarily needto go straight into hooking up or whatever, if feelings come it has to come naturally, and you talking about it beforehand doesn't necessarily mean you will fall head over heels for one another when you actually meet each other. Also, just be open about your feelings with him.

AND I WISH YOU LUCK
16
Posts: 1143
Date: 18-08-2018 23:44
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Joolz wrote:
Mariannah wrote:
Ok, babe, I'mma give you my two cents here. 

1. He chose to be open with you about this, so clearly he's an honest guy.
2. If he likes two people at once that doesn't necessarily make you a second choice, because he probably haven't tried his luck with the other girl yet? They might just be friends, and he probably won't play you both as you are friends as well.

When he comes to see you in Oslo (where I'm also gonna meet and kick his puny ass if he decides to be a dick) you don't necessarily needto go straight into hooking up or whatever, if feelings come it has to come naturally, and you talking about it beforehand doesn't necessarily mean you will fall head over heels for one another when you actually meet each other. Also, just be open about your feelings with him.

AND I WISH YOU LUCK
i know you're so right but now i've already fucked up and shit on the head (i don't think that's a thing)
ughhhh
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:46
Private
National Star



Joolz wrote:
Joolz wrote:
Mariannah wrote:
Ok, babe, I'mma give you my two cents here. 

1. He chose to be open with you about this, so clearly he's an honest guy.
2. If he likes two people at once that doesn't necessarily make you a second choice, because he probably haven't tried his luck with the other girl yet? They might just be friends, and he probably won't play you both as you are friends as well.

When he comes to see you in Oslo (where I'm also gonna meet and kick his puny ass if he decides to be a dick) you don't necessarily needto go straight into hooking up or whatever, if feelings come it has to come naturally, and you talking about it beforehand doesn't necessarily mean you will fall head over heels for one another when you actually meet each other. Also, just be open about your feelings with him.

AND I WISH YOU LUCK
i know you're so right but now i've already fucked up and shit on the head (i don't think that's a thing)
ughhhh
did i just break a rule with using the f-word??? 
16
Posts: 525
Date: 18-08-2018 23:47
Private
Youtube Star



Mariannah wrote:
Joolz wrote:
Joolz wrote:
Mariannah wrote:
Ok, babe, I'mma give you my two cents here. 

1. He chose to be open with you about this, so clearly he's an honest guy.
2. If he likes two people at once that doesn't necessarily make you a second choice, because he probably haven't tried his luck with the other girl yet? They might just be friends, and he probably won't play you both as you are friends as well.

When he comes to see you in Oslo (where I'm also gonna meet and kick his puny ass if he decides to be a dick) you don't necessarily needto go straight into hooking up or whatever, if feelings come it has to come naturally, and you talking about it beforehand doesn't necessarily mean you will fall head over heels for one another when you actually meet each other. Also, just be open about your feelings with him.

AND I WISH YOU LUCK
i know you're so right but now i've already fucked up and shit on the head (i don't think that's a thing)
ughhhh
did i just break a rule with using the f-word??? 
nah cursing is ok as long as its not directed at someone or used in the title :p
16
Posts: 1143
Date: 19-08-2018 00:16
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