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has anyone ever...
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
kruspersille wrote:
i just know everything u have written abt being in a relationship w her was negative n something u didnt enjoy, whats different now
i don't have any expectations placed on me right now i suppose
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 22:58
dollzmaniac
National Star



dollzmaniac wrote:
go for it yolo!
14
Posts: 3548
Date: 30-07-2026 23:01
Private
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Suchomimus wrote:
Solar wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
Solar wrote:
i haven't so i'm afraid i can't really give you advice 
i have gone on a date again with my ex girlfriend like two years after we initially broke up? but when we were on that date i knew i didn't want to get back with her, she was really trying to convince me she changed but i didn't really see it and didn't feel invested enough to stick around and find out hhh (and i honestly don't mean that in a mean way i just felt like that chapter of my life was closed youknow?) 


i think when considering getting back with an ex it's important to remember why you broke up and if that issue is still present though 
Why did you go on the date with her can I ask? Were you hoping it'd work out?

You saw my star talk, but idk  i tend to run away/give up when i feel pressure or things get difficult, really nothing wrong happend 
mmm she showed up at my work and bought me roses and everything so i thought i'd give it a chance, but i wouldn't say i was hoping it would work out, more so that i didn't want her effort to go to waste or something like that? 

mmhm well, what things made you feel pressured or were difficult to u? maybe that's the better question then? 
ohhh i see, that's a little bit weird for her to do i think 

maybe it's a pathological demand avoidance thing? because when we were first dating i was very much in love, but when that love is expected from me then i feel yucky.. i feel like this with everything in my life, like when i went to college for art, suddenly i hated art now (because now i have to do it) and it took me years to be able to draw for myself again...
idk just performative romantic things like saying i love you and seeing each other a set certain amount of time and public displays of affection and idk 
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:02
Private
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Suchomimus wrote:
devilcake wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
devilcake wrote:
I think you should hold off a bit on getting back with her if this issomething you’re feeling now after hanging out again this once, it’s neither fair on her or you to go back and forth when you’re not sure, especially cos it might be you being afraid of being alone/lonely and a friend could help with that as well. Either way my advice would be to just focus on being friends at least for a bit before considering what going back with an ex might be like in general, don’t jump the gun basically
we hung out again last night!
but i think you're right, that's what's stopping me, that i feel it's unfair... but should i let her know how i feel at least? because i don't want to bottle up my feelings, but also maybe it's not something she needs to know idk 
and im also scared that in the meantime she might find someone else and i'll have missed my chance 
I don’t think I’m skilled enough at social stuff to know if you should wait a little with telling her or or not my instinct is to wait at least a bit cos from what I’ve gathered you JUST started hanging out again? Idk about the attachment style stuff I just skimmed ur startalk just now cos I’m hanging out with heartbroken. But I’m somewhat similar with getting cold feet when things become a lot n feeling like very yucked out by all the pressure and emotions n shit so I get that but I also don’t see how rushing it too much would help. Obvi depends on how ur current relationship is too cos yall seem to be fine with the deep talking so maybe it’d work out well to talk about

idk my main point is just to not to rush it because I feel like that’s not gonna help figure out what you want out of a relationship, especially with how distressing breaking up was for you. 
im glad u get how i feel  so yes i think you're right actually i should not rush, even if i end up letting her know, i'll have to tell her no rush
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:04
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
dollzmaniac wrote:
go for it yolo!
idk if i can trust a fellow relationship struggler 
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:04
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
I UPDATED FIRST POST!

also i am off work now and found notebook

notebook basically says:
i think we might be romantically incompatible,
i don't think i am meeting her needs,
i don't like when she wants me to stay for longer than i want to,
she overcompensates when she's not feeling appreciated (and i don't like it),
i think she would be happier without me,
i think being with me causes her negative emotions,
i want her to find happiness in herself and not need external validation

i also wrote in the notebook some stuff she said to me during a phone call about how she feels,she feels like:
she makes all the decisions about everything and she wants me to make decisions more,
she feels that she is not enough and also too much at the same time,
she knows that she overcompensates when she's not feeling appreciated,
she is missing physical affection from me (that i used to give),
she feels like a burden

i know these are all bad things... but are they not things that can be worked on if we communicated better? 
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:05 | Times changed: 1
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
also i talked to my mama about it
she said i should take it slow and just go with the flow and if something happens then something happens, but i shouldn't make a big commitment to try again because then i will probably feel pressured and be unhappy... Mother's Wisdoms
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:08
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bones wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
also i talked to my mama about it
she said i should take it slow and just go with the flow and if something happens then something happens, but i shouldn't make a big commitment to try again because then i will probably feel pressured and be unhappy... Mother's Wisdoms
ur mom is right
22
Posts: 43426
Date: 30-07-2026 23:17
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
bones wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
also i talked to my mama about it
she said i should take it slow and just go with the flow and if something happens then something happens, but i shouldn't make a big commitment to try again because then i will probably feel pressured and be unhappy... Mother's Wisdoms
ur mom is right
i think so yes
i love my mama
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:18
Private
World Famous



bones wrote:
i remember one of the things you said was that you dont have romantic feelings towards her and it's unfair to her. do you still feel this way, and how did she feel about that? i know you had a talk about things you ~do~ in a relationship vs friendship, but what about the feelings? you felt like she was missing out, but did she tell you she was missing those romance things, physical affection, all that?
22
Posts: 43426
Date: 30-07-2026 23:19
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
bones wrote:
i remember one of the things you said was that you dont have romantic feelings towards her and it's unfair to her. do you still feel this way, and how did she feel about that? i know you had a talk about things you ~do~ in a relationship vs friendship, but what about the feelings? you felt like she was missing out, but did she tell you she was missing those romance things, physical affection, all that?
this is the problem because i really don't know what romance is other than some kind of feeling of intent maybe???
she was of the opinion last night that maybe romance isnt even really a thing and it's all just a performance and that maybe romance for her is just... commitment? and being completely open and unmasked with someone?
i know that i do love her though   just.. idk
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:24
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
here is all threads i made about her btw..

umm had sex thread

valentine's day present thread

break up help thread

i did break up thread
19
Posts: 41063
Date: 30-07-2026 23:31
Private
Youtube Star



devilcake wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
also i talked to my mama about it
she said i should take it slow and just go with the flow and if something happens then something happens, but i shouldn't make a big commitment to try again because then i will probably feel pressured and be unhappy... Mother's Wisdoms
Mother knows best
19
Posts: 202534
Date: 30-07-2026 23:46
Private
Youtube Star



devilcake wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
I UPDATED FIRST POST!

also i am off work now and found notebook

notebook basically says:
i think we might be romantically incompatible,
i don't think i am meeting her needs,
i don't like when she wants me to stay for longer than i want to,
she overcompensates when she's not feeling appreciated (and i don't like it),
i think she would be happier without me,
i think being with me causes her negative emotions,
i want her to find happiness in herself and not need external validation

i also wrote in the notebook some stuff she said to me during a phone call about how she feels,she feels like:
she makes all the decisions about everything and she wants me to make decisions more,
she feels that she is not enough and also too much at the same time,
she knows that she overcompensates when she's not feeling appreciated,
she is missing physical affection from me (that i used to give),
she feels like a burden

i know these are all bad things... but are they not things that can be worked on if we communicated better? 
If another veeper had expressed these things would you encourage them to work on it?
19
Posts: 202534
Date: 30-07-2026 23:47
hmm
National Star



hmm wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
I UPDATED FIRST POST!

also i am off work now and found notebook

notebook basically says:
i think we might be romantically incompatible,
i don't think i am meeting her needs,
i don't like when she wants me to stay for longer than i want to,
she overcompensates when she's not feeling appreciated (and i don't like it),
i think she would be happier without me,
i think being with me causes her negative emotions,
i want her to find happiness in herself and not need external validation

i also wrote in the notebook some stuff she said to me during a phone call about how she feels,she feels like:
she makes all the decisions about everything and she wants me to make decisions more,
she feels that she is not enough and also too much at the same time,
she knows that she overcompensates when she's not feeling appreciated,
she is missing physical affection from me (that i used to give),
she feels like a burden

i know these are all bad things... but are they not things that can be worked on if we communicated better? 
i'm gonna be honest with you some of these things would take an immense amount of patience from both of you to work through  and it just seems mostly like a lack of compatibility and each of your own issues exacerbating that...

i think taking it slow and staying friends for now might be your best option because as you've said, there's just too much pressure when things are "officialized" and it makes you avoidant, which will only make her own issues worse 
15
Posts: 33652
Date: 30-07-2026 23:54
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