turn your life around. - Forum

Dwaal
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Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:
omg i feel like i failed to answer the question and just harped on something else instead My Bad.

also I just realised you didn't lmao

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:
after my dad died and we were forced to sell the house, i had two options. i could move with my mom and stay safe under her wing or i could go get my own place. i chose to live alone, but also to follow my heart and move to an entirely new city where i knew no one. it was the scariest thing i have ever done and also the best thing i could do for myself. two years later and im still so happy i did this

LexiLuvsKirby
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LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
idk it seems i only mess up

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:
So adding more? Maybe try going out with friends (if you have any idk) like just talking? ooooooor start playing a game? even though that might also be close I feel like its different from being online and also good to take mind off of things (even though you said you never really played but one time could be the first) otherwise... running? working out?

Also nothing is wrong with you... I feel the same way... I've always had terrible motivation, but I've found that pulling myself to do something somehow ends with me having motivation to do it???? Which is so weird tbf.

What do you miss that you used to do... but no longer does ?

x

Honestly, it seems to me like you might just be extremely lonely, and that's why you need the online security? (nothing wrong with that at all). Being ill, no matter if it's chronic or not, would not matter in a social setting if you find the right people, they'd understand; however, I get that it's difficult to even find a social setting to begin with in that situation... It's even hard to do normally if you don't study or have a job, or some sport/hobby to go to ): ... Maybe there could be some sort of hobby your lovely autistic self could enjoy???

Also you blame yourself wayyy too much, I really don't get who told you what you're sharing is too much (it was stoopjoob wasn't it)... Because it really isn't... I find your silly rants kinda fun and cute, so please don't be so hard on yourself about it.... Maybe try sharing some more somewhere else, other than those places you wanna get away from? I do get that vp might not be the best option as the activity is basically equal to zero these days :') ...

But yea... Motivation comes from doing... So small steps are definitely helpful... a small walk a day could become so much more, a small message a day could do the same.. This is kind of what I meant when I mentioned not caring... life becomes a lot less burdening when you try to not care "what would people think" honestly caring will probably always be a thing I do, even when I say I don't... but at least trying has definitely helped my life for the better.. I started messaging people more, because I stopped caring if they though't I'd be weird, and it definitely helped my social life a lot. Also I stopped caring what other people wore and started wearing what I myself liked... even if people think I look stoopid... It just becomes freeing somehow even if it's all kind of play pretend

it's definitely loneliness as much as it pains me to admit jahbahnjdhbd, and yes the becoming active online felt like a new kind of security, so i suppose that's why it's hard to let go right now.. i do also have a mountain of struggles regarding relationships/socializing especially considering how things ended up last time but i don't see how else i'm supposed to face and get through them without doing that.. i think i'll just have to man up and let myself be cringe and feel all the cringe again PLS, which was surprisingly good motivation last time.

aww dwaal also ur just so kind omgmkJHBJSSNJD thank you seriously.. i do study and work, but i also don't have my priorities in order at all... """free time""" in favor of everything else that i'm supposed to be doing like studying, so that's a problem too.. studying isn't even the worst activity ever to me, i simply am too addicted to being online... i think i don't bond much w my classmates cus of that too, i don't go spend time w them on my breaks although i wouldn't say we're on bad terms either helekrkoprk, they're really just Classmates. also we have less than one semester left so >.> ...... i just feel super inadequate to socialize though it's stupid, self esteem related yes..

ahhwhweghw ur too kind... honestly i'm way too mean so that's why vp is like the only proper place i rant, like i don't want to make anyone else's experience out there miserable i suppose, but i think that's lowkey part of my stress and misery too BHANSJBEH being so constricted to arbitrary rules... there's a lot of drama yes. that's also why being on social media w this interest is so Ass (although the interest itself is enjoyable.. it's unfortunate pls).... i think ultimately what i wanted was to get a friend out of it and then ditch social media, as it seemed to be going in that direction but that fell through.... so i think what's most comfortable for me really is keeping to myself and vp yes. but of course.. I'm An Addict right now ..

you're right yes, i also find that no longer putting so much value on what others do helps me to do more things myself without being self-conscious too... though for a long time i always felt like the exception to that, but i think with time i'm becoming less like.. "i'm exceptionally bad and weird and unlikeable" at least yes... i think it also helps to think that if you're truly that awful then people would've had the courage to ditch you or clearly express their dislike for you already. i also try to think of myself as an example, because i often tend to dislike people when i first meet them HEJIEHJRHEHE but through repeated exposure i do warm up to them and find out that they're not as bad as i thought, so i guess part of it is having the courage to go through that awkward uncomfortable Cringe phase....

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:
omg i feel like i failed to answer the question and just harped on something else instead My Bad.

also I just realised you didn't lmao

i think i was trying to say that erm... i just missed being less online and want to do that again yes NHBGEHNEBH, and to add to that i was also good at catching myself lacking but i think atp i must accept that it's an endless cycle of being good at it and then not being good at it... it's just in my nature now

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

nesta wrote:

hmm wrote:

nesta wrote:
MOOOD!
Moving out from my dad's!

hmmm in what ways has it benefited you? and were there any initial struggles..

Not being yelled at daily. Not always feeling like shit. Not always being told to clean and cook. IT GAVE ME PEACE IN A WAY HE'D STILL NOT BE ABLE TO OFFER ME. it was moving out or never taking to him again. Also I didn't talk to him for months. My struggles was I don't want to sacrifice the garden for it, nor my time with albus as an elderly bunny and I did "loose" my last year with him even if I visited nearly every week to see my sibling and the bun and work the garden.

oh wow i am so so glad you don't have to deal with him anymore, even if it unfortunately came w some downsides.. but ultimately it seemed like the best decision and i'm glad you found that relief

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

bee wrote:
after my dad died and we were forced to sell the house, i had two options. i could move with my mom and stay safe under her wing or i could go get my own place. i chose to live alone, but also to follow my heart and move to an entirely new city where i knew no one. it was the scariest thing i have ever done and also the best thing i could do for myself. two years later and im still so happy i did this

i'm glad it worked out for the better even if it seemed scary!! well were there any initial struggles in doing that though

Dwaal
International Star

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:
omg i feel like i failed to answer the question and just harped on something else instead My Bad.

also I just realised you didn't lmao

i think i was trying to say that erm... i just missed being less online and want to do that again yes NHBGEHNEBH, and to add to that i was also good at catching myself lacking but i think atp i must accept that it's an endless cycle of being good at it and then not being good at it... it's just in my nature now

I will reply to this first... sorry, the other will probably take 20 minutes again lmao

Tbh it's an endless cycle of having courage/ not having courage, have energy / not having energy... motivation/no motivation, this is by all means normal and happen to everyone... last year I had a very long period where I worked out almost everyday, and it motivated me and I loved it... shit happened.. I lost motivation, and now I miss it (mainly miss not being fat tbh) And I'm definitely struggling to get myself back on track... it's hard... life is hard... It's not a nature, it can be corrected... it's just extremely difficult to do alone...

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:
also I just realised you didn't lmao

i think i was trying to say that erm... i just missed being less online and want to do that again yes NHBGEHNEBH, and to add to that i was also good at catching myself lacking but i think atp i must accept that it's an endless cycle of being good at it and then not being good at it... it's just in my nature now

I will reply to this first... sorry, the other will probably take 20 minutes again lmao

Tbh it's an endless cycle of having courage/ not having courage, have energy / not having energy... motivation/no motivation, this is by all means normal and happen to everyone... last year I had a very long period where I worked out almost everyday, and it motivated me and I loved it... shit happened.. I lost motivation, and now I miss it (mainly miss not being fat tbh) And I'm definitely struggling to get myself back on track... it's hard... life is hard... It's not a nature, it can be corrected... it's just extremely difficult to do alone...

no worries take your time

!

ahhh you're right, i think it's useful to have someone to do it with anhbgehnsbh but yeah.. it is a part of life..

Dwaal
International Star

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:
x

Honestly, it seems to me like you might just be extremely lonely, and that's why you need the online security? (nothing wrong with that at all). Being ill, no matter if it's chronic or not, would not matter in a social setting if you find the right people, they'd understand; however, I get that it's difficult to even find a social setting to begin with in that situation... It's even hard to do normally if you don't study or have a job, or some sport/hobby to go to ): ... Maybe there could be some sort of hobby your lovely autistic self could enjoy???

Also you blame yourself wayyy too much, I really don't get who told you what you're sharing is too much (it was stoopjoob wasn't it)... Because it really isn't... I find your silly rants kinda fun and cute, so please don't be so hard on yourself about it.... Maybe try sharing some more somewhere else, other than those places you wanna get away from? I do get that vp might not be the best option as the activity is basically equal to zero these days :') ...

But yea... Motivation comes from doing... So small steps are definitely helpful... a small walk a day could become so much more, a small message a day could do the same.. This is kind of what I meant when I mentioned not caring... life becomes a lot less burdening when you try to not care "what would people think" honestly caring will probably always be a thing I do, even when I say I don't... but at least trying has definitely helped my life for the better.. I started messaging people more, because I stopped caring if they though't I'd be weird, and it definitely helped my social life a lot. Also I stopped caring what other people wore and started wearing what I myself liked... even if people think I look stoopid... It just becomes freeing somehow even if it's all kind of play pretend

it's definitely loneliness as much as it pains me to admit jahbahnjdhbd, and yes the becoming active online felt like a new kind of security, so i suppose that's why it's hard to let go right now.. i do also have a mountain of struggles regarding relationships/socializing especially considering how things ended up last time but i don't see how else i'm supposed to face and get through them without doing that.. i think i'll just have to man up and let myself be cringe and feel all the cringe again PLS, which was surprisingly good motivation last time.

aww dwaal also ur just so kind omgmkJHBJSSNJD thank you seriously.. i do study and work, but i also don't have my priorities in order at all... """free time""" in favor of everything else that i'm supposed to be doing like studying, so that's a problem too.. studying isn't even the worst activity ever to me, i simply am too addicted to being online... i think i don't bond much w my classmates cus of that too, i don't go spend time w them on my breaks although i wouldn't say we're on bad terms either helekrkoprk, they're really just Classmates. also we have less than one semester left so >.> ...... i just feel super inadequate to socialize though it's stupid, self esteem related yes..

ahhwhweghw ur too kind... honestly i'm way too mean so that's why vp is like the only proper place i rant, like i don't want to make anyone else's experience out there miserable i suppose, but i think that's lowkey part of my stress and misery too BHANSJBEH being so constricted to arbitrary rules... there's a lot of drama yes. that's also why being on social media w this interest is so Ass (although the interest itself is enjoyable.. it's unfortunate pls).... i think ultimately what i wanted was to get a friend out of it and then ditch social media, as it seemed to be going in that direction but that fell through.... so i think what's most comfortable for me really is keeping to myself and vp yes. but of course.. I'm An Addict right now ..

you're right yes, i also find that no longer putting so much value on what others do helps me to do more things myself without being self-conscious too... though for a long time i always felt like the exception to that, but i think with time i'm becoming less like.. "i'm exceptionally bad and weird and unlikeable" at least yes... i think it also helps to think that if you're truly that awful then people would've had the courage to ditch you or clearly express their dislike for you already. i also try to think of myself as an example, because i often tend to dislike people when i first meet them HEJIEHJRHEHE but through repeated exposure i do warm up to them and find out that they're not as bad as i thought, so i guess part of it is having the courage to go through that awkward uncomfortable Cringe phase....

The fact you can admit it’s loneliness and that being online became a kind of safety is already a huge amount of self-awareness... A lot of what you’re describing just sounds like avoidance slowly becoming a habit because it feels safer and more controllable, and then it starts eating everything else. That doesn’t make you hopeless or pathetic, it just means that you need to get out of your comfortable bubble, which can be extremely hard... especially if something "Bad" has already happened once because that just adds to you staying in the safe little bubble you've created... Starting new relationships or even going back to old ones can be scary, trust me.. I've been there... and some won't work out the way you want it to, and it will hurt... But sometimes you'll be surprised, and those times will be 10000x more worth it than the few times where it does not!

Also about your classmates... even if there’s less than a semester left, i still don’t think that makes it pointless. not every connection has to become some huge meaningful friendship to matter. sometimes just getting used to sitting with people more, talking on breaks a bit, being seen more etc. is already valuable practice and makes things feel less impossible.

Studying is always hard... I know I say that's something I do a lot but truth is that's only because I start my master thesis next semester and it is an area I'm actually interested in, plus there's a chance for the project to gain funding which in turn could secure me a PHD position (though it probably won't.. I hate getting my hopes up), there's about a month until the deadline for funding, so I kinda decided to help already with ideas and research... which is the only reason I'm actually studying rn... Otherwise I'm a procastinate till the last minute kind of person :') So don't fret ... it's normal to prioritise free time (though I do agree it's a bad habit)

Also I do get that you think you are mean, but I really haven't seen it yet.... I mean you're way less mean than me (but then again even my friends call me meanie.. they think it's weird when I'm not lol) Also you're allowed to have your hobbies, and I truly do hope you find someone who can at least share some of your love for them.. even if they don't find them particular interesting themselves... Me, for example, I love your small rants, I find it cute that you can be that absorbed into something, even though I don't have the biggest interest in it myself... And I do believe other people feel that way as well!

Also yea societal rules... or at least what we think is the "norm", I've found that by sometimes slightly breaking them... I learn that other people feel the same way... and are also afraid of how they're being perceived, how they behave, etc.. Sometimes breaking the norms is also good for understanding others and being understood... even though it seems scary. Also, I’m sad to hear that the friendship fell through ): Sometimes that just happens, but if it’s something you regret, maybe tell them... even if they don’t care or get mad. Also, I’m not sure it’s quite right to call it a direct addiction... I think it’s more that you feel like you have nowhere else to go, and humans are social animals whether we like it or not. I think the right approach is to take small steps irl, maybe small talk during breaks etc..

Yes! This exactly: "i think it also helps to think that if you're truly that awful then people would've had the courage to ditch you or clearly express their dislike for you already." ... It's such a valuable thought! Also, definitely good to use yourself as an example... I began to think: what would I think if I wrote this to someone I hadn't spoken to in a long time... would I be happy or sad? And that also helped a lot in me having the courage to do some of the things I've done

Dwaal
International Star

Dwaal wrote:
Idek If I managed to get through everything

Dwaal
International Star

Dwaal wrote:
that took 40 mins?????? HOW SLOW CAN I BE ?

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:
that took 40 mins?????? HOW SLOW CAN I BE ?

PLSS don't worry i'm Kinda eating dinner i will respond to u soon enough maybe shorten it so u don't have to reply for another 40 minutes again BHSNJDHBE

Dwaal
International Star

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:
that took 40 mins?????? HOW SLOW CAN I BE ?

PLSS don't worry i'm Kinda eating dinner i will respond to u soon enough maybe shorten it so u don't have to reply for another 40 minutes again BHSNJDHBE

nono all good take your time and pace

Just know that I'll prob reply tomorrow so If you wanna delete your thread please send it in a dm :')

I have to be up at 7.20 the latest so I prob do have to sleep soon

Hmm
National Star

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:

hmm wrote:

Dwaal wrote:
that took 40 mins?????? HOW SLOW CAN I BE ?

PLSS don't worry i'm Kinda eating dinner i will respond to u soon enough maybe shorten it so u don't have to reply for another 40 minutes again BHSNJDHBE

nono all good take your time and pace

Just know that I'll prob reply tomorrow so If you wanna delete your thread please send it in a dm :')

I have to be up at 7.20 the latest so I prob do have to sleep soon

i wont delete it yet dw bhawhnabhw but go to sleep yes!!! goodnighttt sleep well!