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limbs' nest
Private
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Limbs wrote:
we've reached the "i can no longer cry, even if i want to" level of depression lads

it's so fun watching myself spiral further and by fun i mean i have no words for how much it hurts. all the time it hurts so much so much so much it feels like i'm burning alive. 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 06-06-2020 01:50
BTS
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BTS wrote:
Limbs wrote:
why am i the only person in my family who has to be responsible and no one else does??? everyone else is allowed to be incessantly dysfunctional and abusive and childish and they're never at fault. but if i react ANYTHING less then optimally to them being shitty to me, then i'm horrible and awful and at fault for everything. even every psych professional keeps reinforcing this and telling me i'm just always understanding things wrong and being too sensitive cuz obviously my family could never do anything wrong and i just????? i don't get it

i wanna die i'm so tired
omo same
13
Posts: 755
Date: 06-06-2020 02:46
BTS
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BTS wrote:
hope you getting well. what i can do for you is few quotes that help me through my hard times
if u want
13
Posts: 755
Date: 06-06-2020 02:51
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Limbs wrote:
BTS wrote:
hope you getting well. what i can do for you is few quotes that help me through my hard times
if u want
thank you, yeah i would like that if ur up to share them
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 06-06-2020 03:27
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Limbs wrote:
haha, existing is horrifying and literally unbearable, all the time i feel like i can't take this a second longer and yet i have no choice. it feels like i'm being tortured. it feels like my brain is being ripped in two and i don't know how i'm able to feel this much pain and still remain conscious. everything is so so horrible and i don't know how it could ever be okay again. 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 06-06-2020 15:50
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Limbs wrote:
it's never going to be okay again i don't know what to do
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 06-06-2020 15:52
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Limbs wrote:
rly think i should be involuntarily committed for crazy crimes probably
it's SO funny that ppl still think i'm like. a reliable narrator & capable of making sound decisions for myself..... like lfhdjrksjrq

(im ok now existing is no longer unbearable = ) i jus snapped out of it and im only vaguely losing my mind & dissociating now) 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 08-06-2020 02:14
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Limbs wrote:
lol like i jus don't get how seemingly everyone else with parts or dissociative identities or whatevr is like. eloquent..... totally communicating internally & functional.... and like normal / making sense most of the time? and able to take care of themselves? & then i'm here like Baaaabsbaansjjdjusjdjkeppdejjebdidömsllaöd aldöluwown d slöansjfidjdihlpd åpvtu3wrp6gc pkbr494e aaa go crazy go stupid aaaa

LIKE do i just actually have schizophrenia or something...... whats wrong w me. why cant i be like sane for 2 seconds
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 08-06-2020 02:30 | Times changed: 1
Private
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Limbs wrote:
thinkin abt how i'm completely incapable of functioning acceptably as a woman.. i mean i would be incapable of functioning (in social situations) no matter what my sex was but if i were a man i think it would be just fine to other ppl, cuz men are allowed to be weird and socially inept. but the fact i'm a "woman" makes it like. an unforgivable offense, makes me a freak and a monster and less than human, n certainly an object of disgust. thinkin abt how i'm just continually failing to fulfill this role and trying so desperately to just be acceptable n never reaching that. and how there's really no way out of this position cuz the expectation will always be there. n how i'm actually worthless as a human being because of this. oh well
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 16-07-2020 00:49
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Limbs wrote:
crazy talk time oopsie
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 16-07-2020 00:50
Private
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Limbs wrote:
they've just canceled all of my booked appointments with the trauma psychologist sad so she's not coming back for another month at least. i'm just rlly sad cuz i've been having so much trauma shit coming up right now and dissociating rlly badly and the psych nurse i'm seeing for now doesn't know anything about how to treat those things. and like i was supposed to be getting treatment in the "trauma model" at the clinic but since my psychologist is absent i'm not getting that after all. this just feels so hopeless andi want to give up
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 16-07-2020 11:05
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Limbs wrote:
i can't take it lol i'm so tired n everything is so hopeless i wanna stop existing : (
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 15-08-2020 22:43
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Limbs wrote:
tw

haha i want to die! being alive is a nightmare and i'm full of despair, everything is hopeless and i'm trapped! nothing i do will ever make my life bearable! hihijih

also i've been having some maybe semi-p*ychotic symptoms i guess, mayb. sometimes. not often but sometimes and i have no idea why : ) concerning

uni starts in 2 weeks and i'm terrified! truly don't think i can do it but i can't back out now and um : ) i'm just trapped n it's hopeless. i want to go to the hospital n be sick and self destruct and not have to deal with this. or just die but i feel like i can't do that to kinda-bf rn 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 18-08-2020 05:42
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Limbs wrote:
saw my psych nurse and i still want to die if not more than i did before and isn't this just a lovely affirmation of how hopeless everything is ahahah 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 18-08-2020 08:25
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Limbs wrote:
Limbs wrote:
saw my psych nurse and i still want to die if not more than i did before and isn't this just a lovely affirmation of how hopeless everything is ahahah 
though she spent most of the appointment lecturing me about my eating habits and chores and asking questions about uni so we didn't have time to talk abt my suicidal thoughts in the end but oh well haha
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 18-08-2020 08:31
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