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: (
today sux... was gonna go to lgbt meet but it's like a queer+nerdy focused one that i havent been to (still with rfsl but like yeah),, n i rly wanted to go cause the person holding the meet is much better at it than the one holding the trans meets imo, but i thought it started at 15 but it actually starts at 12 aka in 15 minutes and like its ok to come in late but i dont want to it makes me so nervous (also im still in my pjs)

and then the trans meet is right after and idk if i wanna go to that one if i missed the first one and idk i just feel anxious and everything sucks today im just gonna stay home and cry i think 
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ik i make threads about this all the time n its prolly soy annoying but idk im just trying rly hard to make friends and be social and its just not working and i just end up so anxious and dissapoited all the time and i rly hate it
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also this person who usually comes who is rly sweet and i feel like i actually kind of vibe with but were not like friends or anyfing said they might only come if they got their hw done and its not like i can ask them if theyre going cause we dont rly know each other, but it would have been nice to know that theyd be there because hey at least i know we have a favourite movie in common or something doesnt make sense but yeah
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also also last time i went to the trans event someone whos there a bunch and whos been there sevral times when ive been there turned around and asked i i was new and i was like no ive come here since november i just dont talk : /////// like wow forgetable much okay thank you

dk it just feels like theres this group of people there who hang all the times n are good friends and it makes it rly hard to feel included but then i see all these other people join and talk a bunch in the discord and im like wow okay its just me i guess fuck
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i think im gonna turn my phone off so i cant see the discord and maybe just sleep instead idk
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