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General < General
making friends
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
idk what i'm doing wrong : ( at the start of the uni, i tried to talk to people during workgroups but they quickly turned into a bunch of pairs. i went to an event that was specifically designed for people looking for friends. i was first to talk to many of the people but they quickly formed their own little groups without me. started a programme which includes weekly (mostly group work filled) meetings and while it's not for making friends, i still tried to talk to people there as well. i feel like it was going well at first but i don't really talk to anyone there anymore either since it always has to be me who initiates the conversation. but i notice pretty much everyone is friends with each other, except for me. recently downloaded bumble bff again and met a girl from there yesterday. but i feel like she didn't like me that much, as it was mostly me keeping the conversation alive and she kept checking her phone.

i don't know if i give out bad vibes or something? my bf said that it's probably people picking up on my autism-related traits and misinterpreting them. but masking doesn't seem to work either? also idk how much i can mask because i feel like i'm getting worse and worse at it. i guess the next logical step would be attending some autism support meetups (i feel like it could be easier to befriend other neurospicy people) but i don't speak the local language so 😭 i feel like i'm in a bit of a vulnerable situation, if my only real-life friend is my bf. but idk how to change that bc idk what i'm doing wrong

what are some small tips that are good to keep in mind when befriending people?
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 13:21
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
i hate when the most common advice i get for making friends is going out and joining activities but i'm literally doing both 😭 at this point i know i'm the problem but i can't recognize how
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 13:26
Private
World famous



remains wrote:
srry im low on words rn

i feel u thats how it's been for me
i cannot make friends with people who are not autistic, no matter what i do. theres always a ocean between us and i have nothing to cross it with. so i gave up and accepted that people who have an interest in me will show up
you need autistic friends i highly recommend it there's nothing better than people who get you without having to explain yourself over and over
22
Posts: 39751
Date: 26-05-2025 13:32
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
remains wrote:
srry im low on words rn

i feel u thats how it's been for me
i cannot make friends with people who are not autistic, no matter what i do. theres always a ocean between us and i have nothing to cross it with. so i gave up and accepted that people who have an interest in me will show up
you need autistic friends i highly recommend it there's nothing better than people who get you without having to explain yourself over and over
no worries!!!

any tips on how to find autistic friends? i feel like i'm studying a super autism-coded field (ai) but i still haven't found my people 😭 i talked to one person who actually has autism and seems nice at uni but he's also very obviously struggling with drinking so i can't befriend him i think . but i'd love to have autistic friends. people who will hyperfocus on a cool leaf they found. people who collect dolls or toys. people i can go non-verbal with and neither of us will care

feel you heavily on this huge gap between us and neurotypicals. it feels like they speak a whole different language with a bunch of secret non-verbal messages that only they can understand
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 13:42
Private
Minister of Pop



Azriel wrote:
Sera wrote:
remains wrote:
srry im low on words rn

i feel u thats how it's been for me
i cannot make friends with people who are not autistic, no matter what i do. theres always a ocean between us and i have nothing to cross it with. so i gave up and accepted that people who have an interest in me will show up
you need autistic friends i highly recommend it there's nothing better than people who get you without having to explain yourself over and over
no worries!!!

any tips on how to find autistic friends? i feel like i'm studying a super autism-coded field (ai) but i still haven't found my people 😭 i talked to one person who actually has autism and seems nice at uni but he's also very obviously struggling with drinking so i can't befriend him i think . but i'd love to have autistic friends. people who will hyperfocus on a cool leaf they found. people who collect dolls or toys. people i can go non-verbal with and neither of us will care

feel you heavily on this huge gap between us and neurotypicals. it feels like they speak a whole different language with a bunch of secret non-verbal messages that only they can understand
if u live in a big city there might be a facebook group or smth similar for autistic ppl in the city
20
Posts: 37874
Date: 26-05-2025 14:01
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
Azriel wrote:
Sera wrote:
remains wrote:
srry im low on words rn

i feel u thats how it's been for me
i cannot make friends with people who are not autistic, no matter what i do. theres always a ocean between us and i have nothing to cross it with. so i gave up and accepted that people who have an interest in me will show up
you need autistic friends i highly recommend it there's nothing better than people who get you without having to explain yourself over and over
no worries!!!

any tips on how to find autistic friends? i feel like i'm studying a super autism-coded field (ai) but i still haven't found my people 😭 i talked to one person who actually has autism and seems nice at uni but he's also very obviously struggling with drinking so i can't befriend him i think . but i'd love to have autistic friends. people who will hyperfocus on a cool leaf they found. people who collect dolls or toys. people i can go non-verbal with and neither of us will care

feel you heavily on this huge gap between us and neurotypicals. it feels like they speak a whole different language with a bunch of secret non-verbal messages that only they can understand
if u live in a big city there might be a facebook group or smth similar for autistic ppl in the city

i live in a medium-sized university city, so i'd assume so, but i've only found one, which is the one that's held in the language i don't speak :c but i tried to tailor my bumble bff profile such that it shows my authentic self as much as possible
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 14:14
Private
National star



Hauru wrote:
do you drink, smoke or go partying? genuine question also what do you study?
13
Posts: 1751
Date: 26-05-2025 14:37
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
Hauru wrote:
do you drink, smoke or go partying? genuine question also what do you study?
no, it gets too easily out of hand. i feel neutral about yk gardening smoke but when i do i just go non-verbal, so it doesn't really help socializing D: i study artificial intelligence!
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 14:40
Private
National star



Hauru wrote:
Sera wrote:
Hauru wrote:
do you drink, smoke or go partying? genuine question also what do you study?
no, it gets too easily out of hand. i feel neutral about yk gardening smoke but when i do i just go non-verbal, so it doesn't really help socializing D: i study artificial intelligence!
i fear that might be a reason that you have a hard time joining groups. Many people esp in uni/school connect through partying and drinking/smoking bcs it is a common topic between groups. Many ppl do it mostly to connect with others and not because they enjoy it necessarily. Not saying you have to conform to it if thats not your thing but sometimes you have to pretend to fit in if you dont want to be alone and who knows, you might find out there is many other people like you and you might get along. Between the friends that i have who enjoy partying and those who do not, i can tell that they wouldnt get along even if they have the same hobbies. It is sad but i wouldnt beat myself up over it i also tried making friends with online apps sometimes it works out sometimes it does not it takes time D:

ohh and veryinteresting study course 
13
Posts: 1751
Date: 26-05-2025 14:51
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
Hauru wrote:
Sera wrote:
Hauru wrote:
do you drink, smoke or go partying? genuine question also what do you study?
no, it gets too easily out of hand. i feel neutral about yk gardening smoke but when i do i just go non-verbal, so it doesn't really help socializing D: i study artificial intelligence!
i fear that might be a reason that you have a hard time joining groups. Many people esp in uni/school connect through partying and drinking/smoking bcs it is a common topic between groups. Many ppl do it mostly to connect with others and not because they enjoy it necessarily. Not saying you have to conform to it if thats not your thing but sometimes you have to pretend to fit in if you dont want to be alone and who knows, you might find out there is many other people like you and you might get along. Between the friends that i have who enjoy partying and those who do not, i can tell that they wouldnt get along even if they have the same hobbies. It is sad but i wouldnt beat myself up over it i also tried making friends with online apps sometimes it works out sometimes it does not it takes time D:

ohh and veryinteresting study course 

probably. but when i did drink/party prior to uni, people i was friends with just wanted to sleep with me or only see me when we'd party. i don't want that kind of friendships nor can i handle partying anymore (i'm very prone to addiction) : / i went to a sober party once, which was fun, but the people i met there wanted to party with alcohol in the future and weren't really interested in meeting up in other settings D: i saw that the study association for my study also only really offers alcohol-related activities, which is a bit sad for me
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 14:59
Private
National star



Hauru wrote:
Sera wrote:
Hauru wrote:
Sera wrote:
no, it gets too easily out of hand. i feel neutral about yk gardening smoke but when i do i just go non-verbal, so it doesn't really help socializing D: i study artificial intelligence!
i fear that might be a reason that you have a hard time joining groups. Many people esp in uni/school connect through partying and drinking/smoking bcs it is a common topic between groups. Many ppl do it mostly to connect with others and not because they enjoy it necessarily. Not saying you have to conform to it if thats not your thing but sometimes you have to pretend to fit in if you dont want to be alone and who knows, you might find out there is many other people like you and you might get along. Between the friends that i have who enjoy partying and those who do not, i can tell that they wouldnt get along even if they have the same hobbies. It is sad but i wouldnt beat myself up over it i also tried making friends with online apps sometimes it works out sometimes it does not it takes time D:

ohh and veryinteresting study course 

probably. but when i did drink/party prior to uni, people i was friends with just wanted to sleep with me or only see me when we'd party. i don't want that kind of friendships nor can i handle partying anymore (i'm very prone to addiction) : / i went to a sober party once, which was fun, but the people i met there wanted to party with alcohol in the future and weren't really interested in meeting up in other settings D: i saw that the study association for my study also only really offers alcohol-related activities, which is a bit sad for me
ohh okay thats sad i had really nice experiences maybe bcs i was lucky I do hope you will find some people to hangout with im sure it will come eventually
13
Posts: 1751
Date: 26-05-2025 15:09
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
Hauru wrote:
Sera wrote:
Hauru wrote:
x

x
ohh okay thats sad i had really nice experiences maybe bcs i was lucky I do hope you will find some people to hangout with im sure it will come eventually

glad to hear that you had better experiences though <33
18
Posts: 12998
Date: 26-05-2025 15:16
SadBread
Minister of Pop



SadBread wrote:
uuhh idk i kinda just started inserting myself into conversations about topics i knew or interests i have and whenever i see that someone like sits alone i start sitting with them and start talking to them, i also reallt enjoy talking so that def helps, and even finding small things that you have in common can help and just sharing your interests 
18
Posts: 2726
Date: 26-05-2025 16:45
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