potentially venting to someone irl - Forum

Private
International star

emogirrrl123 wrote:
long story short, my bf betrayed me in many ways, and the entire spring/summer was a traumatic experience (not using this word for nothing, i get flashbacks and have physical issues since then). i'm still with him and we're working on it. but sometimes i feel like i could use someone to talk about what happened who isn't him.

i have two potential friends; one who i know since a year but though we check on each other somewhat regularly, we haven't hung out in person (partly due to her chronic illness) or talked about anything super deep, the other one i have met up twice with and i know her since 4 months, though we rarely talk. she is the one who usually initiates convos, so i guess she likes me to some degree. with these two, i'm unsure if my friendship is strong enough to really vent about what happened, though the first one knows something happened over the summer and offered that i could talk to her about it 2-3 weeks ago. i'm also worried by telling them i'm staying, i'm damaging their ideas of relationships. we're around the same age (+/-25/26), but the first person has never been with anyone and the second one is only experiencing this now. the story with my bf also involves substances and idk, i guess i'm worried if these people are too sheltered for it, apart from the whole "is this okay to talk about" deal.

i also have my roommate, who knows what happened, but given that i'm still with my bf and he comes over regularly, venting to her could be problematic, as i don't want her or anyone hate him or him to feel uncomfortable coming over. i don't know if i'm friends with her or not, but my connection to her is deeper than to the other two. i don't hangout with her either, but before i left for the summer, she suggested we'd do so when i return but we haven't. my main issue with venting to her is that we live together.

i do want to talk to someone, but the uni psychologist just said lol we don't deal with this and there aren't really irl volunteer places where i could talk. i tried one, but it wasn't one on one but like an open living room, which is an uncomfortable idea, as my problem is quite private. i'd rather not talk to a professional quite yet and i'm unsure if my EHIC even covers therapy

Nestus
Karaoke star

nestus wrote:
hnstly seems like therapy would be the safest option imo since you don't know the others well enough, and i'd look into checking if your EHIC covers therapy before you make a decition.

otherwise there are helplines or chats like betterhelp that can be more affordable to use for a period of time. or i'd bet there are resources to help process some alone too, but i honestly get the need for sharing. it tends to make things a lot less bigger than they seem in our heads (not to downplay what happened, but the emotions around it may more easily be regulated when witnessed by others in a safe space and feeling properly seen).

idk whatever you choose i wish you the best and i hope it helps you feel better

Elisia
International star

Elisia wrote:
unfortunately therapy is likely the best option
i would recommend specifically a relationship therapist. even if you go without [your bf] they will have the most experience to help with your particular situation

but
if one of your friends has already offered to lend an ear, perhaps talking to them would at least help to sort out thought or just take some of the weight off... and depending on the severity, you could be more vague about the substance abuse so that if they are comfortable with an elaboration you could, but you aren't too overwhelming about it. you could reach out to let them know something has been weighing on you and if they hav the time/capacity that you would like someone to talk to?

idk if it would help,
but my inbox is always open if you would like to message me?
(i promise that i will likely not remember the conversation therefore your privacy is in great hands)

Private
International star

emogirrrl123 wrote:

Elisia wrote:
unfortunately therapy is likely the best option
i would recommend specifically a relationship therapist. even if you go without [your bf] they will have the most experience to help with your particular situation

but
if one of your friends has already offered to lend an ear, perhaps talking to them would at least help to sort out thought or just take some of the weight off... and depending on the severity, you could be more vague about the substance abuse so that if they are comfortable with an elaboration you could, but you aren't too overwhelming about it. you could reach out to let them know something has been weighing on you and if they hav the time/capacity that you would like someone to talk to?

idk if it would help,
but my inbox is always open if you would like to message me?
(i promise that i will likely not remember the conversation therefore your privacy is in great hands)

tbh i don't feel ready to talk to a therapist quite yet, as i've had bad experiences with it in the past and this is such a sensitive topic to me that i just can't handle it, if i get a bad person again :/ when i was a teen, my therapist talked to my abusive parent behind my back and accused me of making up lies about the abuse. as an adult, i looked help for grooming and sexual abuse i experienced, and the person i got didn't see a problem with me being 18 at the time of the active grooming and my groomer being +/- 60. instead, he decided to educate me on how not all age gap relationships aren't bad, completely ignoring the fact that this started on a smaller scale when i was a minor and the groomer was not a random adult, but my teacher. these two were the worst experiences, but the ones apart from these weren't exactly great either, though also not utterly terrible. therapy sounds good on paper, but i'm just really worried that i have to go through something that will just damage me more again

thank you for the offer

i'll keep that in mind.

Private
International star

emogirrrl123 wrote:

nestus wrote:
hnstly seems like therapy would be the safest option imo since you don't know the others well enough, and i'd look into checking if your EHIC covers therapy before you make a decition.

otherwise there are helplines or chats like betterhelp that can be more affordable to use for a period of time. or i'd bet there are resources to help process some alone too, but i honestly get the need for sharing. it tends to make things a lot less bigger than they seem in our heads (not to downplay what happened, but the emotions around it may more easily be regulated when witnessed by others in a safe space and feeling properly seen).

idk whatever you choose i wish you the best and i hope it helps you feel better

i'll keep the chats in mind.

i think that might be a better idea than opening up irl, as it could be too much for the other person and i kind of feel uncomfortable worrying others