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“What are you doing?”

           My hands froze in my hair. I looked at him through the mirror I was in front of. He looked a little curious and a little confused, but that seemed to be the normal expression on his face.

           I smiled sheepishly. “Nothing,” I whispered and brought my hands slowly away from my head.

           “You should stop messing with your hair, it looks cute like this.”

           “Kiseop—“

           I couldn't finish my sentence, not when he turned me to him and started to put my hair back into place, brushing it across my forehead then smoothing it out. “It suits you.”

           I could feel the frown on my lips forming. I looked down to the floor, avoiding any eye contact with him, I felt a little more than nervous and little more than upset. I just wanted him to go.

           “Stop, please,” I said softly, grabbing his wrists and moving his hands away from my hair. “I don’t like this haircut.”

           I peeked up through the top of my eyes and saw that confused look from just moments ago had disappeared. Instead, Kiseop looked a little concerned, perhaps even a little hurt. Though, I can’t see why he would be upset, it was my heart that he was playing with.

           “Jun-ah, what’s wrong?” Kiseop asked, his voice soft, sweet and sent warmth through my body. The tone drew me in and I took a step towards him involuntarily. “You seem upset.”

           I didn't really want to say anything. I didn't want to ruin anything that was going good for us right now.

           “Jun-ah, you can tell me,” he assured me. I watched him take my hand into his, squeezing it gently. “Are you feeling okay?”

           I wish he’d stop. As much as I liked the attention, I wasn't sure how well I could keep it together. I loved the feeling of his hand in mine, and the concerned look on his face, the worry in his voice. I love it. I loved know that he cared so much about me and in only the short time we’ve known each other. I loved it, but I just wish it wasn't so fake.

           I felt my throat constrict tightly, a lump forming that I couldn't swallow. My eyes were brimming with tears at my bottom lash line. I couldn't hold it together.

           I sniffled and I clenched my eyes closed tightly.

           This isn’t fair. I just want him to notice me for me. Not because of this. Why did they even give me this stupid haircut? I already know I’m taking someone’s place, but why do they need to do this? Why couldn’t they have just left my hair as is? I don’t want to look like him. I don’t want them to dress me like him. I’m not him! I’m Jun! Lee Jun Young, not Shin Dongho.

           “Jun-ah—“

           “Stop!” I shouted, yanking my hand back. “I’m not Dongho!”

           I could feel my body trembling, my breathing coming out in short gasps as my tears streamed down my face. My fists were clenched tight and I could feel a pain forming in the back of my head. God, why am I such a cry baby? I should have seen this coming. It’s not me. It’s my place.

           “I’m not Dongho. I can’t be him. I don’t want to be him—!”

           “And you’re not!”

           My eyes widened, and I quickly looked up at him. I watched his face break into a soft expression with a gentle smile.  “What?”

           “Jun, you’re Jun. Nobody wants you to be anybody but you. I want you to be you, no one else.”

           I stared at him with wide eyes.

           “Is that why you’re upset? You feel like you’re expected to be someone else?” he asked, that small smile on his lips, reassuring me that everything was okay. His eyes making me feel welcome and safe, as if I could tell him right then and there what it was.

             “Y-yeah, that’s… that’s exactly it.” I replied, nodding slowly.

             I can’t tell him, not now. I don’t know how he’d react, and I have a feeling, a terrible gut feeling that he might react poorly. I don’t want to lose anything, I don’t want to lose what we have right now. “I’m sorry Kiseop.”

             “Don’t apologize Jun-ah, I understand.” he said softly and quickly pulled me into a hug.

             My body froze in place, the sudden action completely taking me off guard. My heartbeat quickened and my breath had hitched. “Kiseop,” I whispered as I slowly brought my arms around him.

             “You deserve to be here just as much as the rest of us. You’re a part of the family now.”

             Family…

             I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to be his brother, I didn’t want to be stuck in this gray area where I’m nothing more to him than a family member. My frown only grew larger when he said that. But what could I do? Could I tell him now? What if I ruined it… ruined what could be us? I don’t want the take the chance.

             I leaned forward and rested my chin on his shoulder, closing my eyes and willing myself not to start crying in front of him again. I felt my throat constrict up again, bringing the uncomfortable soreness back with it. Kiseop, why are you so stupid?

             “Jun-ah,” I heard him whisper. I felt him pull back so he could look at me. “Jun, you’re my favorite, but don’t tell anyone. It’s our secret, okay?”

             “Really?” I asked my eyes once again wide as I stared at Kiseop. I could feel the sides of my mouth tugging up into a smile, my heart picking up at his words. “Really? I’m your favorite?”

             Kiseop nodded, “Yeah, Jun, you’re so cute.” He said cheerfully and ruffled my hair.

             “Thank you,” I murmured and buried my face into the crook of his neck.

             He smelled so sweet; like strawberries and a subtle hint of chocolate. It made me wonder if he’d eaten any earlier and perhaps if he had, if he had any left. Though, all thoughts were wiped from my mind when I felt his soft, plush lips press against the top of my head.

             He kissed me.