im so confused about how to make irl friends - Forum

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Sera wrote:
even my 40% pass rate math exams are easier than making a (irl) friend

if you have irl friends how did you get them bc i swear i am trying

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Sera wrote:
confused how did people at uni already have big friendgroups at week 2 when most of us come from different countries/had no pre-existing social network

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Basil wrote:
if it makes you feel any better most of those friend groups are gonna be split up by year 2

my best advice is to join clubs and go to study groups

Stupot
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Stupot wrote:
ive heard a lot of ppl use dating apps for that

Joob
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joob wrote:
omg girl i have no idea

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Sera wrote:

Basil wrote:
if it makes you feel any better most of those friend groups are gonna be split up by year 2

my best advice is to join clubs and go to study groups

true. i'm thinking of joining my major's study association but the all activities on their website (excluding workshops for ex. job interviews and information sessions about studying abroad) involve drinking sad

and the clubs i'm interested in are in dutch. i tried bumble bff and going to those uni events that are specifically for making friends but no luck there either (but i will keep going anyway just in case lol!) sad

it was quite depressing to genuinely try and then see people around me finding other more interesting friends instead. i recently thought i had made a friend but she confuses me so much i genuinely have no idea if she even wants to be friends

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Sera wrote:

Stupot wrote:
ive heard a lot of ppl use dating apps for that

i tried bumble bff but people usually just stopped answering at some point : ( it felt like i always had to carry the conversation. could be worth another shot though

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Sera wrote:

joob wrote:
omg girl i have no idea

maybe i should start wearing funny clothes again bc when i wore my cat shirt it was a good ice breaker bc who doesnt like cats

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Arthema wrote:
Honestly, this is what concerns me the most with going to uni, as I was told that I look intimidating before
I wish I could be of help but I am in the same boat

I would personally keep on going to events, even those that include drinking, I'd just not drink at all abstain from talking to drunk people ig? and go home if ppl get rowdy,
and keep on looking for clubs and activities that interest me even in the slightest because I learned that at times things that aren't my hobbies can be more fun when I have good company? so maybe that is as well

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Sera wrote:

Arthema wrote:
Honestly, this is what concerns me the most with going to uni, as I was told that I look intimidating before
I wish I could be of help but I am in the same boat

I would personally keep on going to events, even those that include drinking, I'd just not drink at all abstain from talking to drunk people ig? and go home if ppl get rowdy,
and keep on looking for clubs and activities that interest me even in the slightest because I learned that at times things that aren't my hobbies can be more fun when I have good company? so maybe that is as well

i'm not sure if i'd feel comfortable around drunk people. stoners, sure, but alcohol makes me too uncomfortable : ( i have some events in mind for february but there's still a small voice in my head questioning what's the point of going if i'll just get sad again (i will go anyway though). probably the autism but i genuinely don't understand what i'm doing wrong when talking with people. i thought i had some good conversations in the previous event i went to but instead i watched everyone i talked with slowly move to other conversations with other people. hell, i even watched videos on how to talk people and what kind of gestures to make beforehand

and, yeah. i feel you. i feel like a lot of people here struggle with this. i hope if you end up going to uni you'll end up with a better social life than me <3

TarranttHightopp
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TarranttHightopp wrote:
Lemme know if you figure it out lol

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Sera wrote:

TarranttHightopp wrote:
Lemme know if you figure it out lol

over 10 years and counting LOL

TogetherForever
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TogetherForever wrote:
Join clubs and groups! Being around the same people is helpful so that you become for familiar.

A lot of the time I start conversations people I am around often. Starting with a compliment and a greeting is great! Doing things that make people smile gives a good impression! It is also so important to learn names. When you learn names, it shows that you are actually listening and care. From there just continue to talk to them, every day or every other day in person. Don't just do it once, get to know them so they can get to know you! Make it a habit with a ton of people.

Honestly though, don't be afraid to be a little picky about friends. It is always important to be kind, but you don't have to become really good friends with someone you don't want to be around. And if someone doesn't seem interested, don't be discouraged! Keep meeting new people and don't waste time on those who aren't worth it.

You really just have to get yourself out there and talk to lots of people in person. Being social and open can help to have people be drawn to you and want to be your friend.

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Sera wrote:

TogetherForever wrote:
Join clubs and groups! Being around the same people is helpful so that you become for familiar.

A lot of the time I start conversations people I am around often. Starting with a compliment and a greeting is great! Doing things that make people smile gives a good impression! It is also so important to learn names. When you learn names, it shows that you are actually listening and care. From there just continue to talk to them, every day or every other day in person. Don't just do it once, get to know them so they can get to know you! Make it a habit with a ton of people.

Honestly though, don't be afraid to be a little picky about friends. It is always important to be kind, but you don't have to become really good friends with someone you don't want to be around. And if someone doesn't seem interested, don't be discouraged! Keep meeting new people and don't waste time on those who aren't worth it.

You really just have to get yourself out there and talk to lots of people in person. Being social and open can help to have people be drawn to you and want to be your friend.

complimenting sounds so smart how did i not think of that?? like "hey cool shirt! where did you get that?"? definitely worth a try! i recall in elementary school that was pretty much how you'd make friends? just complimenting a toy or a piece of clothing you find cool?

names are a bit tricky to me bc i dont recognize faces/have prosopagnosia. not sure if this has significantly contributed to me not having friends but i can understand how someone repeatedly being confused of who you are might come across... i think in one of those social skills videos i watched they also mentioned using a person name when talking to them? as in, "hey name!" instead of just "hey", like you suggested

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bexxi wrote:
i remembered girl with green hair in one of my orientation courses so when i saw her again i was like. i have to sit next to her. this is my chance. afterwards asked to go to mensa together. now we are best friends of many years

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remains wrote:
i dont know and i think im too far gone