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shame on me
Private
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scoff wrote:
it's so fucked up tho because every time I see something or hear something that reminds me of babies I immideately start thinking about what it would be like having one of my own
I don't mean to come across as arrogant, but despite what you people on here might think of me, I'm good with kids and id make a good mom one day 
I know I would 

oh and I'm mad at my mom again
she keeps telling me she's gonna come with and help me fix some good kind of birth control pills, right? but she never does, because she really loves babies and she really wants to be a grandma and she keeps saying "don't get pregnant nath because you don't want a child but Id be really happy if you got one" like ok? idc 
she keeps saying if it wasn't because of the fact that if she fell pregnant right now shed be 42 at the time the baby arrives, she'd do anything to have another one
there's akready 7 of us, I don't understand how she's thinking?? if it wasn't because of the great risks that come along with having a baby when you're 40+ I'd probably encourage her tho
I've got baby fever but it wouldn't be appropriate of me to get one myself, right? considering the circumstances 

hopefully it'll just pass soon
I once read that you're supposed to get extreme baby fever at the same age that your mom had her first child and you know back when I was 16 I felt the exact same way as I do now and that was the age when my mom first got pregnant (but miscarried) and her next pregnancy occurred at 19 or 20 but then she miscarried again... so it's gonna pass and I'm not gonna feel like this again till 21 which was the age my mom had me, right? 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 01-12-2016 08:19
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scoff wrote:
it's friday
it's friday
it's friday
it's friday

i still have a lot of shit to do: pay that bill, finish that essay, finish all the other assignments (or some of them), take a shower, get ready,,, then i can go out drinking 
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Posts: 34382
Date: 02-12-2016 15:18
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scoff wrote:
but here i am, reading about serial killers 
what's it gonna be, really? 

ahhh coffee 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 02-12-2016 15:19
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scoff wrote:
he told me he wants me to move in with him but he was drunk so i can't tell if he meant it or not
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Posts: 34382
Date: 06-12-2016 15:34
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scoff wrote:
it's always so weird when the weekend's over because i usually come friday n leave monday n then the weeks are just? i don't know because the weekends always make me feel like i live there then comes the week and it's all "hey nath wanna come over tonight again?"
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Posts: 34382
Date: 06-12-2016 15:35
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scoff wrote:
If things don't go the way I want them to, I think I'm going to Berlin next summer. Or maybe Madrid. I want to live somewhere that isn't here and I don't really care about the money, I want to be free. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 06-12-2016 16:22
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scoff wrote:
I know freedom is an illusion, and all that stuff, but there are... other ways to obtain money than to get an education and a proper job. All you have to do is remove a couple layers of clothes. I think I could do that.
Or maybe not. I could have done that, last winter I could have done that. Now? Lying on the couch fattening up, gulping beer, trip to the balcony, trip to the bathroom, more beer, perhaps some... action on that. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 06-12-2016 16:25
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scoff wrote:
I should take a shower. Make some coffee. Have a smoke. Put some clothes on, get out in the cold, to the bus. I hate the bus. 
The situation feels weird.
I'm hungry but I shouldn't eat because I know there's probably a bunch of fattening stuff over there. I'm gonna get fat. Already gained a kilo or two. 
Why does that always happen? 

Also, how do I know if I'm single? I'm going out on thursday with some friends, can I fuck people? 

It's confusing.
Oh, I got something in the mail today. The same bill I paid earlier. It was higher now. I don't understand, because I paid it the first time, you know? Only it didn't transfer till yesterday. I hate my bank, gotta switch. Gotta remind myself about that.

Christmas concert thingy on thursday. I hope I get the stomach flu so I don't have to participate. I can't be drunk, but I can be under the influence. I've always thought of those as synonyms. I'm getting drunk. There's no way in hell imma stand there, in a fucking church, and blast Mercedes Benz with all I've got unless I'm not sober. Mercedes Benzo, perhaps. I like that, that was funny.
I added another verse the other day and my friend didn't notice. She thought it literally went like that. 
I mean, it is Janis, but "oh lord won't you buy me a dildo as well? i'm so cold and horny and lonely as hell"? nah
were dildos around in the 60s? 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 06-12-2016 16:33 | Times changed: 1
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scoff wrote:
I have tickets to Guns N' Roses
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 06-12-2016 16:37
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scoff wrote:
I had a dream last night that I had a baby and then I woke up and accepted I'll never be anything in particular and that spending the remainder of my life working some shitty job and taking care of a child wouldn't be so bad after all 
In fact I think that's what I want 

maybe it's my hormones speaking,,, I'm supposed to have my period in half a week
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 07-12-2016 09:13
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scoff wrote:
even thinking this inside my head makes me cringe and get anxious, but I think... maybe I'm actually in a relationship 

he told me he wanted me to move in, but he was drunk so i don't think it means anything 
he says he's in love with me, and I'm here all the time, I haven't slept at home in weeks,,, I like it
its just so complicated in my mind tho... and I overthink overthink overthink 
he got really hi yesterday and just passed out on the couch for like three hours and then this morning he's like "I'm sorry im so boring all I do is sleep and eat" and I was so tired I just smiled and he's like "maybe you really do like me after all" like yes did he just realize that now? if I didn't really like and care about someone id never spend the night just staring at the fucking tv while they were passed out next to me - I'd probably do something fun like going out to a bar or something

we're going out for drinks 2day and then 2mro my friend has her birthday so me n some friends are going out
nath is officially back on fucking track
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 07-12-2016 09:25
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scoff wrote:
I should probably take a shower and get my ass home now 
but it's so nice just lying in bed with a cup of coffee and some stupid sitcom 

if I move in here were getting a black cat n naming it vicious
maybe his dog could come live here too 
and my ziggy stardust

I'm thinking too much
nath you've only known him since July and you've only spent like every day the past two months with him let it go nath let it go 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 07-12-2016 09:41
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scoff wrote:
but I'm tired of living in a fucking bag, right? 
I've work this weekend
I don't like work but money is money 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 08-12-2016 08:14
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scoff wrote:
I was drunk last night and I said a lot of stupid shit and the best thing is I'm not even anxious about it because idk
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 09-12-2016 08:41
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scoff wrote:
im scared again because I feel unlovable 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 09-12-2016 10:30
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