im suffocating - Forum - Virtual Popstar

Private
World famous

Hufsa wrote:

cobain wrote:
you know what he said to me 2 weeks ago when we argued? it was about an old fight we had a few months back, he brought it up and i really don't know why. he said that in that old argument, i had twisted things and how fucked up that was. i told him i didn't agree bc when we had that argument i felt like he was the one twisting things. i even talked to a friend on the phone as we had that argument and said to my friend i felt like he was twisting it.
anyways, then he said i use the same tactics as a wife beater. and then it was apparently weird when i got sad about him saying that to me, because he didn't call me a wife beater. i know u didn't call me that but you are telling me i use the same tactics as them! bitch i have had a relationship with a wife beater, which he knows, and he was basically telling me i act the same way to him as my ex did to me. which naturally made me very sad. ugh

okay so hes gaslighting you and seems very manipulating. it reaaally doesnt seems healthy to you at the slightest. his behavior is not okay at all. as i mentioned, idk if staying in a relationship with a guy like him is worth it. ive had friends in simular situations and while it was always hard for them to leave, they were much better without and with the time away it was easier to see everything much clearer than when they were still together with their pos partners.

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:

Hufsa wrote:

cobain wrote:
we've argued a bit more lately and i think is partly miscommunication but also that i can't be what he wants/expects me to be. i've told him this in the past how i feel like he expects me to be a certain way, and that i can't do it. it takes too much energy from me to be that way. i don't mean i should change, it's just that i can't fully engage in our relationship the way he wants me to. and the more tired i get, both physically and mentally, the less i can keep up with it. so then we argue about it. or HE argues about it. kinda putting guilt on me for not being able to be a good gf or whatever. he's not straight out telling me i'm a bad gf but that's what i feel like he's saying, just with other words. if u know what i mean?
and when i bring that up to him, that i feel like a bad gf or a bad person, he says i'm twisting it to be about me instead. and that i can't like take responsibility for the thing i've apparently done to upset him. maybe i am twisting it idfk but i don't feel like i do, but then it's just game over 4 me bc then i'm apparently using manipulation tactics ??

from what youve written it seems more likely hes the one manipulating.

honestly he sounds like a manchild. and like a piece of shit. hes obviously getting a great deal in the relationship, at the expence of your energy, time and its just not okay.
If i were you id probably leave his ass. even if he werent so childish and, imo, annoying, youre obvs on two very different paths.

i love him so HARD, i truly do, he's an amazing person but it's the shit like this that make me go fucking insane. i broke up with him in march for almost these exact things. we got back together after about a week though and it was quite great after that breakup but it's turning more and more sour again.
i don't want to leave him, because i love him so much, but i realize i can't keep going like this for very much longer. fuuckckckckck

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:

Hufsa wrote:

cobain wrote:
you know what he said to me 2 weeks ago when we argued? it was about an old fight we had a few months back, he brought it up and i really don't know why. he said that in that old argument, i had twisted things and how fucked up that was. i told him i didn't agree bc when we had that argument i felt like he was the one twisting things. i even talked to a friend on the phone as we had that argument and said to my friend i felt like he was twisting it.
anyways, then he said i use the same tactics as a wife beater. and then it was apparently weird when i got sad about him saying that to me, because he didn't call me a wife beater. i know u didn't call me that but you are telling me i use the same tactics as them! bitch i have had a relationship with a wife beater, which he knows, and he was basically telling me i act the same way to him as my ex did to me. which naturally made me very sad. ugh

okay so hes gaslighting you and seems very manipulating. it reaaally doesnt seems healthy to you at the slightest. his behavior is not okay at all. as i mentioned, idk if staying in a relationship with a guy like him is worth it. ive had friends in simular situations and while it was always hard for them to leave, they were much better without and with the time away it was easier to see everything much clearer than when they were still together with their pos partners.

yeah my ex was manipulating and gaslighted me and even though i can never very clearly tell my bf is doing it, certain things give me a bad feeling. the same type of feeling i got with my ex. i mean i've been there before and i know the signs but it's hard to... fully take it in in that moment idk

Private
World famous

Cute wrote:

kagura wrote:
everytime i read about people's relationships i wonder why the hell they are in a relationship

Private
World famous

Hufsa wrote:
well, from an outside perspective, he doesnt appear to be that great. i get that you love him, or else youd probably have left already, but it looks like the damage hes causing overrides any kind of love. you should listen to those bad feelings, our body and subconscious sees more than the conscious mind does. so when your gut is telling you something its for a reason. i understand that its hard to leave at once, so if its possible you should distance yourself more and more. easier to think clearly that way. ive had friends that found it easier to follow advice if they gave it to themselves, so id say write down the whole shit with him start to finish, without making excuses for his behavior, and see what youd have said if it were your friend telling you it.

idk if it makes sense, or helps. maybe im overstepping idk, but just putting in my two cents. i really hope you figure out of it (and leave his ass tbh).

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:
yeah i spent the night, and now when i was going home in the morning he was like "are we drinking wine tonight" bc last week i kinda suggested it bc i have a day off tomorrow. wasn't something we decided tho, it was just a suggestion from my side.
i told him no, and he was like "ok.... when did we decide to not go ahead with that plan" or smth and i was like "well because i was supposed to be at home yesterday but came here, so then i'm gonna be at home today instead" and he got super disappointed

like, i hadn't even thought of that shit bc it wasn't something we had actually decided, it wasn't set in stone. but nevertheless i think he should've understood that i wanted to be at home today instead when i had to go there yesterday. you know? can i be alone for ONE second please
and i can just feeeeeel that i'm gonna get a long text from him today where he complains about how i want to see him so rarely, that i'm not engaging in our relationship, that i don't care etc. maybe i won't but yah it feels like it

Private
Youtube star

Limbs wrote:

cobain wrote:
and another thing about me working all the time and him studying from home
how he expects me to do things around the house. this sounds very bad but i mean... that he expects me to do the shopping, cook, clean up quite often etc. i feel like i do that shit more than he does, IN HIS APARTMENT. because he's feeling like shit that day, so he can't get in the headspace to cook rn. he's feeling bad and don't want to be around people, so then he can't go to the store. stuff like that. so i need to do it, when i've just worked a 12h shift for example
he's not forcing me but if he doesn't do it i'll have to do it. sick of it

why do you have to do it though, just let him not do it if he's not able to. if it doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. if he's not actually telling you to do those things nd you're just doing them because they won't get done otherwise it seems like you're kind of bringing that on yourself. if he gets upset that you're not doing all that for him then it's on him, but you're not his mom n you don't have to fix his life

but yeah tbh it sounds like you two might be better off apart

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:
again.... why tf cant i be alone
i told him yesterday i wanted to be alone, yet he texted me and asked if i didn't want to come anyways and i said no. then he asked when i'll be coming the next time and i told him idk. he asked me if i couldn't come early tomorrow (we had that convo yesterday so, today). i said something along the lines of "yeah i can come a bit earlier than usual i guess" and then he asked me what time and i said "i won't rush out as soon as i wake up but i can come earlier" and then he sent me a longer text and i just CANT with him

"a bit earlier than usual means you're not very enthusiastic over the thought of us having a full day together. i meant that we should hang out all day tomorrow and actually do something together. but it's cool, fuck it, i have school i need to prioritize anyways. i'm tired of having to nag about wanting to spend some time with you. do what you want"

i just get more and more angry with him. shoot me in the goddamn head

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:
like just the fact that he asks me AGAIN if i wanna come over even though i've told him i want to be alone that day. this happens idk maybe every other time? i promise u if i change my fucking mind i will tell you. you don't have to ask me again after i've already given you an answer. FUCK.
and as i said in the first post in this thread, whenever i'm alone, he texts me to ask when i'm coming over next, wants to plan both for when i'm coming but what we should do, what we should eat, who's doing what. idk why bc he neverrrrr plans anything else like that. lol. probably just to steal my fucking attention

Lean
Streetmusician

lean wrote:
wow i'm in nearly the same position. i mean my partner and i live together and even though i spent the whole day alone today she came home and i still felt like i needed to be alone then she got upset when i expressed that like.... i literally physically and mentally need to be alone or i'm going to drive myself mad. and it just makes you feel worse when they make you needing to be alone about them.
we've lived together for nearly 2 years and have spent basically all our free time during that together and i feel like i'm suffocating.

anyway ifeel like you need to be honest with him because the more you brush aside your own needs the worse it's going to be in the long run. you're gonna explode one day or something.

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:

lean wrote:
wow i'm in nearly the same position. i mean my partner and i live together and even though i spent the whole day alone today she came home and i still felt like i needed to be alone then she got upset when i expressed that like.... i literally physically and mentally need to be alone or i'm going to drive myself mad. and it just makes you feel worse when they make you needing to be alone about them.
we've lived together for nearly 2 years and have spent basically all our free time during that together and i feel like i'm suffocating.

anyway ifeel like you need to be honest with him because the more you brush aside your own needs the worse it's going to be in the long run. you're gonna explode one day or something.

god it's so annoying, isn't it ?!?! it's healthy to have alone time. like, if you express that you need it and they make a big deal out of it and somehow fucking guilt you into it, how fun is that? feeling like you kinda force your partner to be with you. it doesn't make sense in my head lol.

i just told him to not put words in my mouth and to not assume i'm not enthusiastic about seeing him just because i want to be at home for a few hours today before i come over. he's gonna get mad now but i had to say that : (

Cobain
International star

cobain wrote:
"i have a hard time believing you don't understand why i wrote what i wrote. but i don't want to have a discussion about it, i just want to have a nice day today"

everything comes down to me not understanding LOL. he pulls that shit whenever i express something wasn't okay to say to me

Private
National star

ellem wrote:
This relationship sounds very exhausting and quite unhealthy tbh :-( feels like he demands quite a lot from you, attention you’re not able to give ya know. Idk might be harsh but if I were you I’d look over if this is a relationship worth pursuing. Kinda sounds like you’re not too happy. :-///

Empulla
Popstar

Empulla wrote:
he sounds exhausting
I could not handle a person that doesn't respect the fact that I need to be alone at times and I can't coddle them all the time

Private
Popstar

Rouya wrote:
it sounds like he isn't able to be in a relationship by the way he's acting. he obviously doesn't understand your side of things and that you may be going through a lot as well. he just expects you to run to him like his mom whenever he needs you. you're not the bad gf, he's the bad bf. i get that you love him, but it seems like no matter what you do, it's not good enough, and in the end, what's most important is your own well-being over other's. how are you supposed to survive and make things work, if you burn out for the sake of him? he obviously wouldn't do the same for you and help pick you up, if you do so.
im all for helping relationships, but it honestly sounds like you should break up with him. you sound tired, exhausted and at your wits end - and it doesnt sound like he understands how hard this is tearing on you, he just keeps demanding your attention, time and energy, when you have explained to him a million times how you can't always give him that. and you have already broken up with him once because of all these things; it doesn't sound like he has learned since then, because you got back together so quickly there were no consequences for him to grow from. sorry about the not very uplifting response, but i have been where you are (kind of) and generally people don't change when things are comfy and the other part is doing all of the heavy lifting. if you want him to change, set some firm boundaries and if the relationship doesn't survive those boundaries, then that's that. but don't sacrifice yourself for a person who obviously isn't willing to do the same for you.