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Anachronism's Updated Spam Thread
Anachronism
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Anachronism wrote:
Anachronism wrote:
I love cutting so much. nothing will ever feel the same. there's no replacement. and I will also never ever ever do that shit again. I haven't in months. never again. done. 

I hate solving problems but god damn it it's so much easier than living your life like it's an entertaining serial drama stage show based off a novel. not as fun, but far more practical.
Lol the last time I cut myself was in december so that's a lie 

Idk I get the urge sometimes but it's not really that strong and it fades quickly anymore. 

I mean the last time I did it I just felt really stupid 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 13-08-2020 11:33
Anachronism
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Anachronism wrote:
I think the difference is even tho... honestly the sensation felt nice and nothing will replace it or compare, I dont really need it to cope like I used to 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 13-08-2020 11:38 | Times changed: 1
Anachronism
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Anachronism wrote:
Fuck it think I'm gonna cut my own hair 

Gonna regret it but w/e tired of my long ass hair
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 13-08-2020 21:52 | Times changed: 1
Anachronism
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Anachronism wrote:
I knew he wasnt gonna quit lol, lying out in the open and all 

But no I didnt use 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 15-08-2020 01:33
Anachronism
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Anachronism wrote:


1965, ahead of its time! 

They're from Tacoma my god I gotta move back to washington, not going back to eastern washington but I miss washington, wanna move to coastal wa, I'm so sick of Montana 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 15-08-2020 18:53 | Times changed: 1
Anachronism
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Anachronism wrote:
Saw it laying out in the open while he was sleeping, could of used, could of stolen a piece, didnt do it, aha 

So yeah not an addict like pretty sure about that, really not worth it, just sick of the shit 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 15-08-2020 18:56
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
So I just wanted to speak about my moms drug addiction generally 

I talked a lot of shit about it, think much of that had to do with her living in the same town, being closer to her, honestly distance served me well. I didnt talk to her for like a year, started talking to her again and really it enhanced our relationship. I just needed a break. I was sick of all the shit I was getting dragged into because of her dumb choices. 

And it's my mom, like of course I was upset her main priority was drugs and not her children, and obviously I was annoyed with her denialism and blaming other shit on her drug addiction or bad choices and not just admitting drugs were the main problem. She still does that shit, always blaming fake health diseases, claiming she isnt mentally ill, all kinds of dumb shit, and I'm learning I cannot do a thing about that. If she wants to believe she cant work when she could if she got clean and learned anger management strategies it's her deal. 

I'm learning I cannot have the mom I want, she is her own person, I cannot bend and manipulate her at will to do my bidding or fit a personal ideal. She is who she is. All I really want is for her to be safe, even if she keeps using. I mean it is what it is. What can I do?

That's all I really have to say. 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 15-08-2020 19:26
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
I know she loves me, and I know she feels guilty, but if she doesnt let go of guilt and be more honest with herself, she'll never change 

And I've just decided to remain passive, I really can't help her, I stand up to her shit these days but like I just admit she struggles and I cant do anything about it. Only can have boundaries, and just hope shes safe. I cant make her get a job or stay clean.
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 15-08-2020 19:30
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
I feel bad I ever judged my mom so harshly for her addiction in the first place, though I understand I was upset my mom couldn't be my mom. 

I am starting to understand how guilty she really feels though. I think a lot of addicts have more remorse than most people realize. They do stuff they dont want to do because their brain holds them hostage, and fear reaching out because they'll be exiled and judged.  No wonder so many just succumb to defeat and continue to make shitty decisions. No one will help them; just preach and punish them instead. I think people are too harsh on addicts but I have a thing for deviancy and root for the underdog, so I'm biased lol. 

Idk I just feel so bad I judged her so harshly. I may not have voiced my opinions to her directly, but I still held those perspectives. I'm still disappointed with many of her decisions, but it also wasnt my right to.assume she was heartless. I feel bad I ever did.
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 16-08-2020 02:37 | Times changed: 1
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Space ghost coast to coast was on last night. I havent seen it in years man. That shit was my childhood. Home Movies (which- although an acquired taste- is a very underrated show and deserves more love), Harvey Birdman, Sealab 2021, ATHF (before the constant name changes), The Brak Show, Mission Hill, my god I miss adult swim cira 2001-2004.
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 16-08-2020 04:53
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:


One of the best theme songs ever, fucking fight me

One more year til 2021 I feel fucking old 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 16-08-2020 04:56
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
I was re-reading my old posts here, and noticed a deadly pattern of setting my self up for failure by assuming I will fail. I think it's that I can always choose failure and know how it will end. I can try with all my might to succeed and still fail, which is out of my control, so why not fail, which in that case would be within my control?

I gotta let go of my need to control everything. I also need to learn how to adjust and adapt to unknown or unexpected situations better. It's a setback. Failure is predictable. Success is not. So what, I cant bounce back from a tribulation and find another option? Hell maybe even if consequences make what my heart was set out on no longer an option, that doesn't mean I cant find something even better. I have to be less stubborn, less rigid, need to be more resilient and roll-will-the-punches. 

My bf pointed out how I always assume the worst and that by believing I will suck, I make it so. Self-fulfilling prophecy. I think hes right. I love him so much tbh! He was telling me about how he met a friend of his at her lowest point, and is proud with how far shes come. He thinks he played a part, unsure if hes just feeding his ego, but I think he truly cares. 

So many people root for others as a means to an end. Itll boost their social status, make then look good, give them praise, but its not truly for the other person. Sometimes I still doubt my bf truly cares but I have no real evidence he doesn't. He beats himself up for his friend's suicide as he wonders if he could have saved him (I'm unsure of that, but I mean, it's a personal issue, I dont think it's my right to tell him how to feel). He also said a death of another friend was devastating in that he passed b4 he really could have helped him change for the better. 

I really dont want to disappoint him. I mean I quit doing drugs b/c it bothered him that I wasnt being responsible, like really I just want to be my best self b/c i do not want to hurt him. But I know I cannot live my life for him, because co-dependency isn't healthy. What would I do without him? I have to hold myself on my own, do this for me, but hes certainly inspiration. 
.
Like, I know people who bitch at me because I'm not doing what I "should" be doing. He does it all because he cares. Holy shit I love him. 

I think of how Tori Amos said those you love the most turn on you, arent really there for you, and those who remain royal and genuinely root for you are rare. Idk I think that's why hes so special. Tired of cornflake people. Hangin with the raisin people 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 16-08-2020 05:43
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Anachronism wrote:


One of the best theme songs ever, fucking fight me

One more year til 2021 I feel fucking old 
71 years til I can make it to the bebop ship and join the crew. I wanna be Faye Valentine. Kinda doubt I'll live that long tho. But in one more year I will join the big leagues. That's where you'll find me, underneath the sea.
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 16-08-2020 05:50
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Officials have not released the cause of Robert Trump's death. I hope its covid-19 cuz it would serve The Donald right for failing this country. My God am I petty. 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 16-08-2020 05:53
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Could not find $20, ended up being in pack of gum wtf

I remember using 20's when snorting lines I felt boogie af but it was hillbilly stuff I was snorting so made no difference it was an illusion

Everything was an illusion when I was on that shit actually 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 18-08-2020 05:23
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