Rouya wrote:DAD wrote:DAD wrote:
I have such a strong opinion on this but it’s fueled by a negative connotation that is personal. My boyfriend views it in a personal positive light and I, not so much.
To be fair i was raised differently than him so I feel like the answer isn’t really black and white. I may view it as corrupt and disgusting but he views it as an “educator” growing up. He hasn’t watched it since we’ve been together but he of course used it a lot in his younger years when he was lonely. It was also forced down his throat by relatives because he was a male and his father and uncles were disgusting and gifted porno’s to him “as a joke” so he was around it all the time.
I, however, hate it [porn] all (I do not hate sex work nor the women in porn). I also grew up with a mother who warned me that all men are trash and pigs, including my dad (I love my dad, he is not trash my mom is). I was never allowed a lock on my door because of my mom and I could never wear anything other than a tshirt and shorts to bed so nudity was not the normal for me. Nudity and locks on doors were a normal for my boyfriend because his mom treated him normally and I never got that. I grew up with a fear of nudity and still to this day somewhat still have it. It’s like showing a person with trypophobia holes, they’re uncomfortable and squeamish. The only nudity or “porn” I “like” is being intimate with my current partner in person. I hate looking at other people nude and it’s not even me being a prude, I was just raised this way and now that I’ve seen sex work in a positive light due to social media my views have let up on that but I still choose not to see anyone nude other than me and my partner.
I do not like porn also because of a lot of technicalities like not knowing the extent of consent or the treatment of men or women behind the camera. I also hate that it pushes stereotypes and negative mindsets on young males like my boyfriend. It causes harm on impressionable young minds and now I have to re-teach him things 10 years later. He says it’s an “educator” but I respectfully call bullshit when it harms the brain more than does it good. I’ll never be able to tell him how bad I think it is because he just doesn’t see it that way just because “it was the only thing there for him at a dark place in his life” like, this is porn not your childhood dog.
Anyway, I do not like porn never have, never will.
ah i actually relate quite a bit to this. not entirely to the extent of your upbringing, but my mum was also wary of men and would often time when watching sexist scenes in movies be like "ofc a MAN probably directed this" and would go on about the objectification of women in media. to some extent this is good, i mean she isnt wrong, but it was sometimes to the extent of slutshaming other women for the clothes they chose to wear, and i remember i played IMVU where i bought a revealing outfit just bc i thought it looked cute (i was like 13) and she got so angry and told me i wasnt allowed to play that game, if i wore that outfit, bc of the "signals it would send the men playing the game with me". she probably conditioned me against porn from an early age, and i grew more and more shy about my body, other people's bodies and general physical touch, to the point where i would literally just cover up for years. i dont blame her entirely, as i do take things very personal and am a very sensitive person, but i also remember some of the talks we have had about sex when i was young and learning about it, and her attitude just seemed pretty negative. also my dad is an asshole so i had no real male figures in my life lol.
i dont know whether i need to reassess some things about my take on porn or if my bf does. like he has had a normal upbringing, no shyness, no trauma, normal sexual debut, everything. so i feel like i need to deal with my trauma more than he needs to stop watching porn, but idk. i feel like i wont stop feeling this way because it is so deeply ingrained in me.
everyone has different upbringings and that’s completely okay but if your bf isnt even trying to come to an understanding with you then HE needs to work on his shit. No trauma for him causes trauma for YOU and that’s not okay. i cant tell you to dump him like everyone else would bc were in the same boat and we love our bf’s but he really, really needs to know that you werent brought up the same and you are also the one who gets affected by the porn industry more in a more negative way. 
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