cobain wrote:
sorry for being crazy but idk it's just fucking weird
like i recognize the behaviour, you know?? i've been here a hundred times before my dudes. when it just.. totally flips. i brought this upon myself this time tho, i can't even lie. i've tried keeping my distance, didn't always respond very well to his cute shit etc bc i've been scared. and i even told him this friday that i don't want a relationship rn. i explained why ofc, that i've just gotten out of a relationship where i had to take on so much responsibility and put so much work in etc and it made me exhausted. and how i'm not ready, i enjoy being alone rn and not having to think about someone else so much, gave examples too like just something so simple as going to my moms. i want to be able to do that, have my own plans, and not have to adjust and plan after someone else's wants and needs.
maybe it comes across as wanting to keep my doors open. wanting to see other people, or something. i rarely feel a need for that tho even if i'm seeing someone casually. i asked on here not more than a week ago if i should get tinder and yeah the thought has been there but i don't think i'm ready for that. and after friday, as i said, i think my feelings for him grew. so i also don't want to get tinder, or see other people generally, for that reason.
i started to get a bad gut feeling as early as saturday. honestly in the past my gut feeling has also been right in the end. i know the feeling. i know the behaviour. i see the change. that's that. i don't have the energy or strength to go through this type of shit again at this time in my life loool
maybe it's just all in my head, might be, it's only been a couple of days. but i don't think it is. 10 years of this exact shit. you just know