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shame on me
Private
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scoff wrote:
Coffee in the making.
Friend is slow. Ten minutes twenty minutes ago? GEE STOP. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 23-01-2019 15:12
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scoff wrote:
On the other hand - I'm just completely fucked. I have no brain. Also bf's still mad at me. For something. Can't remember. I don't like my life. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 26-01-2019 12:59
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scoff wrote:
I always knew that it was true / That I could see right through through you / I saw the insides of your mind / But I assumed I had gone blind / But now I know / Yeah now I know / Now I know / To understand I'd understand / It's not a mystery to man / I always thought I knew I knew / Oh and it comes back onto you / And now I know / Yeah now I know / Now I know /
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 30-01-2019 17:30
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scoff wrote:
I know everything because I am almighty. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 30-01-2019 17:31
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scoff wrote:


also Frances sounds like the spawn of Kurt and then you go "hold up a sec! that's because she is"
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 30-01-2019 17:32
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scoff wrote:
If I was fearless I would
* reveal my inner thoughts
* reveal my inner thoughts
* reveal my inner thoughts
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 30-01-2019 17:56
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scoff wrote:
How come things that are big and meaningful for you ain't for me and vice versa? I'd never take certain words in my mouth because they're disgusting, because I was taught they were, because they are, but what the fuck do I care if a two is a two or a three? 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 30-01-2019 17:57
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scoff wrote:
And oh how I wish I could've explained yesterday that the reason I found it funny that Marilyn Manson showed up at the Griffin house telling Chris he needed to eat bread and fruits wasn't because I have some weird beliefs or prejudices that Marilyn Manson must be a big bad wolf just because of his looks and his music, but because five fucking minutes earlier eating bread and fruits was, in his own words, socialist propaganda.

But apparently not when it comes from a cartoon version of Marilyn Manson. God, I never learn!
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 30-01-2019 19:09
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scoff wrote:
I've got to admit tho, I wish he was right. I wish he was right, because then there could be a quicker fix for my issues with driving a fucking car. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 25-03-2019 18:45
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scoff wrote:
Sometimes I read through this thread and I regret it instantly. I don't know why - the other day I went back hundreds and even thousands of pages in the general section and found horrible threads I've made and FUCK they're fucked, but that felt... fun? And this feels sad? 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 25-03-2019 18:50
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scoff wrote:
I sorta left this thread now, didn't I?

Well things are going... I don't know how things are going to be completely honest. I'm scared I won't get a summer job. Mine and bf's relationship has been better so far this year than it was last. My uterus wants me to give it a fetus. I need to finish school. 

I also really long for a stable job with a steady income, but I doubt that shit exists. Oh, and I need my drivers license. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 09-04-2019 20:55
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scoff wrote:
I mean, I really do believe there's something wrong with me. I've always believed there was something wrong with me. I get very angry very easily. I'm anxious. I can't focus on boring tasks at all, and these days I can't even focus on things I enjoy; I can't even focus while having sex, but constantly find myself wondering what's on tv or thinking about what groceries I need to get or or or... I have to write lists in order to be able to get shit done, otherwise I just end up going around in circles trying to do everything at once and then the whole day has gone and I still haven't gotten anything done. I fight with my friends and family. I'm a social misfit because I just don't care enough about not making a fool of myself or about not hurting anybody or offending anybody. I have no hobbies, because nothing is fun for more than five to thirty minutes. I daydream my life away. I can't do my schoolwork until it's do or die. I'm not getting a job because I don't think far enough into the future. I can't drive because I can't focus on driving, but have to talk all the time or drift off into some daydream. I'm stressed out constantly. I'm envious. I'm sad. 

Where the hell do I go to get that fixed? 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 24-04-2019 17:40
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scoff wrote:
Being constantly bored sure sucks ass. Having a shit ton of shit to do but no actual motivation to do it sucks as well.

Anyway, this is what I need to get done this week:
* go get my eyes checked
* bring back books to the library
* finish assignment #1
* possibly work
* buy beer
* do laundry

...and more that I forgot. Fuck, I forget everything. But, like, life's quite good anyway. It works. Everything works. We might go looking at a house next week. That's exciting. 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 03-06-2019 20:29
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scoff wrote:
Oh, and I have a job now since a month ago.
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 03-06-2019 20:31
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scoff wrote:
I have no job anymore, haven't had one in a month. At first I cared, now I don't. I study. Or I pretend I do. And I manage well. 

And I'm worried. I can't keep a job - what do I do after I've finished college? What if I can never keep a job? 

I don't feel like I fit in anywhere really. I'm not like people are supposed to be. And I dwell over myself a lot. I look back, memories change, are being made up, whatever. 

Netflix has Girl, interrupted again. I watched it twice last week, because I was sad and I couldn't focus on anything. Turns out, Girl, interrupted is easy to focus on, even though it's 2 hours 7 minutes long. I'd forgotten that. I'd also forgotten how much I see myself in Angelina Jolie's character. 

And in Alyssa in the end of the fucking world
In that blonde chick in fucking åmål
In Angelina Jolie's character in foxfire
In everyone who's angry and doing stupid stuff

What does that mean? Am i mental? 
20
Posts: 34382
Date: 04-11-2019 22:03
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