wrote:
I AM CRINGING SO HARD. THIS IS FROM THE ANGEL STORY. I'M NOT OKAY.
We walked into the restaurant as the theme of the conversation changed into our last eaten meal, and we realized that we both were hungry.
The sight that meets us was slightly normal. It looked like a 70' restaurant with red sofas and chairs, and that was exactly what I needed. Something normal. Behind the desk, a woman, assumingly in her late thirties, stood and filled coffee in a cup with a displeased expression on her face and headphones on her head. She wore a red dress with a white apron, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. On her chest was a logo saying: "Perri's Dinner and Restaurant."
We found our place in a corner of the restaurant and began talking like we never had spotted Guss' raven-black hair when we went in, and that my happy mood had fallen into the deep of the ocean as I saw him again. We both know what that meant and non of us wanted to bring it up, I thought.
It was a huge mistake to come here. If we hadn't gone here I would never have felt the still sore parts of my heart tear up and begin to bleed again.
"Okey," she said. "I see how you look at him, and it's no good for you, Lisa. You still love him, am I right?"
I nodded and tried to glimpse a part of him in the corner of my eye, but Mariann forced my attention back at her while she tried to figure out what she was going to eat.
Mariann sighted. "I don't know which game you are playing, or if it is one, but you made a mistake. Everyone can see that. You haven't been yourself in weeks and we don't know what to do with you. "
"With we - you mean you and Caroline, right? " I asked, a little relieved over the fact that my mom hadn't done something that would make it even worse.
"Yes. " She nodded. "You looked so happy when he was around and now you are back at the dark deep again. I don't want *it* to happen again. It just can't, ok? You can try to end your life again. It was horrible for us all the first time, but a second. It would be even worse. And just to be clear, Lisa. I'm not going to let that happen, so you need to fix it. " She pointed a finger toward the place Guss stood and leaned his muscular body over a billiard board. "Now!"
I sighed and looked at the surface of the table where my face with two, large, grey eyes appeared in the glass. "I can't," I said.
"You have to, and that's for us all. Go and talk to him. He will understand. " Mariann smiled. "I know he will."
"Why are you so sure of that?" I asked, searching for an excuse.
"Everyone with eyes can see it. It's nearly written across his face every time he sees you. You may not have recognized it, but everyone else does."
It didn't sound like Guss. He was always so secretive about everything and everyone. If he expressed his feelings public it said something, I thought. Maybe I should give it a shoot? What could go wrong anyway?
*You could get hurt* my mind answer. *again and again and again. Your heart will bleed.*
I don't know how she managed to get myself out of the corner and, after my opinion, my totally safe hiding place behind the large sofa, and to walk towards the billboards where Guss was, but she did. I know it had to happen someday, but I had always hoped for later. When she had brought up my family and herself. Caroline and everyone I cared about talked straight to my self-pity, and I was done for.
I couldn't let myself fall again. Therefore, this could be the right to do after all? He was an angel. He would understand. In fact, he was my guardian. His existence was to make me safe and happy - He'd said so at least. He had to understand if I came back and told him I was sorry. He just had to.
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