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how do i stop being like this
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
disposable wrote:
babe just block/remove him. you're losing yourself 
so im supposed to block every romantic interest that might come in to my life? because this is literally not about him, ive always been like this more or less when i fall for someone
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 06-12-2022 17:03
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
Limbs wrote:
look at @lovingmeafterwe on ig, she talks about exactly these kinds of issues
thank you
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 06-12-2022 17:04
Private
Popstar



Rouya wrote:
i was like that too once. idk what happened i just got tired of being so miserably dependent on others, especially on whether someone was romantically and sexually interested in me etc, and stopped basing my self worth on that and took a break from pursuing romantic/sexual interests. then without noticing i got a bf that ive been together with for 3 years now and i feel more normal than ive felt in years. im not obsessive and havent been for over 3 years now (edit: but i feel that i still have the tendency/inclination to develop the obsessiveness again so idk its not something that goes away but you can work on it and keep it controlled)
i didnt see a therapist also, which i probably shouldve but idk how much it wouldve helped
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 06-12-2022 17:08 | Times changed: 2
Private
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bee wrote:
btw... when i wrote this late at night, i was just feeling really bad, couldnt sleep and my mind was all over the place. just to say that its not *that* severe all the time. mostly when i dig myself into a dark hole
distractions and finding other things in life that matters help me. and im working on it. im working on my life and reconnecting with old friends and making new connnections. finding a purpose in life that doesnt include boy 
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 06-12-2022 17:08
Private
Popstar



Rouya wrote:
bee wrote:
btw... when i wrote this late at night, i was just feeling really bad, couldnt sleep and my mind was all over the place. just to say that its not *that* severe all the time. mostly when i dig myself into a dark hole
distractions and finding other things in life that matters help me. and im working on it. im working on my life and reconnecting with old friends and making new connnections. finding a purpose in life that doesnt include boy 
good thats the way forward
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 06-12-2022 17:09
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
Rouya wrote:
i was like that too once. idk what happened i just got tired of being so miserably dependent on others, especially on whether someone was romantically and sexually interested in me etc, and stopped basing my self worth on that and took a break from pursuing romantic/sexual interests. then without noticing i got a bf that ive been together with for 3 years now and i feel more normal than ive felt in years. im not obsessive and havent been for over 3 years now
i didnt see a therapist also, which i probably shouldve but idk how much it wouldve helped
im glad its better for you now! 
i keep telling myself to take a break from romance and just be myself, and then someone comes along that makes me all dizzy again 
but this gives me a little hope. ty fir sharing 
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 06-12-2022 17:11
Private
Popstar



Rouya wrote:
bee wrote:
Rouya wrote:
i was like that too once. idk what happened i just got tired of being so miserably dependent on others, especially on whether someone was romantically and sexually interested in me etc, and stopped basing my self worth on that and took a break from pursuing romantic/sexual interests. then without noticing i got a bf that ive been together with for 3 years now and i feel more normal than ive felt in years. im not obsessive and havent been for over 3 years now
i didnt see a therapist also, which i probably shouldve but idk how much it wouldve helped
im glad its better for you now! 
i keep telling myself to take a break from romance and just be myself, and then someone comes along that makes me all dizzy again 
but this gives me a little hope. ty fir sharing 
i think honestly its just something that requires a lot of practice in self control and restraint and also practice trusting that you inherently have worth and arent defined by others. its like a mental exercise you just gotta do whenever you feel the obsessive tendencies come crawling and then also i would say, dont allow yourself to do the impulses you get when you get obsessive (like checking the snap count or their fb friends etc), bc that reinforces the obsessive feelings

practice distracting yourself from the obsessiveness and the impulses you get from it by doing something else that takes your mind off it (even if your mind still drifts back to the thoughts just dont give in). i think eventually it will diminish by doing this. at least that's all i can think of that i did that helped me
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 06-12-2022 17:15
Private
Popstar



Rouya wrote:
and i would say that i do still feel those obsessive tendencies come over me sometimes, so it's not like it's cured, but it's a lot lot less now and it's a lot more manageable and feels more like an intrusive thought now than something that feels real or like i have to act on it, if that makes sense
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 06-12-2022 17:17
Mookid
International star



mookid wrote:
i feel u, i can get very obsessive too, lately i've just consciously tried to resist the impulses i get. the worst thing i feel i can do to myself is get mad at myself for having these feelings and impulses and trying to bury them or not feel them. when i feel them wash over i just try my best not to act on it, maybe do something else instead, focus on stuff that makes me happy that doesn't involve other people. and just tell myself it's okay that i feel this way, it's understandable given my past issues and my childhood and all that stuff so of course my brain will react like this. 
18
Posts: 523
Date: 06-12-2022 17:21
Mookid
International star



mookid wrote:
and just trying to remember that it's possible to learn new ways of thinking and the brain will eventually get better at reacting to something accordingly if i just train it consistently
18
Posts: 523
Date: 06-12-2022 17:23
Mookid
International star



mookid wrote:
here i am talking big and at the same time feeling relieved my crush hid his activity info on discord so i don't have to wonder who he's talking to when he's online on his phone lol
but yeah small steps. it will get easier
18
Posts: 523
Date: 06-12-2022 17:27
Private
Popstar



disposable wrote:
bee wrote:
disposable wrote:
babe just block/remove him. you're losing yourself 
so im supposed to block every romantic interest that might come in to my life? because this is literally not about him, ive always been like this more or less when i fall for someone
no because this one is a jerk
18
Posts: 5672
Date: 06-12-2022 18:01
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
thank you for all the advice i really appreciate it 
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 06-12-2022 18:29
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
disposable wrote:
bee wrote:
disposable wrote:
babe just block/remove him. you're losing yourself 
so im supposed to block every romantic interest that might come in to my life? because this is literally not about him, ive always been like this more or less when i fall for someone
no because this one is a jerk
i dont think he is : /
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 06-12-2022 18:29
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