what is the absolute worst thing - Forum

LexiLuvsKirby
National Star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
i like how you said we when there was no other people on the thread but you and me

I just got here but I agree w Maxwell that it's something worth working on. You have your own back first and it's important to be able to be realistic about how you act as a person. most acts doesn't define your worth, or goodness/badness in a way that matter but you always have to live with yourself and my hope for you is then that you see that you are worthy of being percieved as a decent person and that you believe that you are deserving of good things and that you find the way to do better for and by yourself.

I have this quote on my wall,
"every time you want to self sabotage, do the opposite." I don't know what this means specifically for you bc everyone self sabotage in different ways but maybe it can be a thought to bring into the next day. See if when youre about to do something that may not be the best option for you, if you can make a better choice. Whatever that looks like for you.

most acts dont define you unless you hurt everyone around you
then you are a bad person
and i really dont think trying to gain insight on what others think i could improve is self sabotage

LexiLuvsKirby
National Star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

Maxwell wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

Maxwell wrote:
will u take the advice or not
u wanted advice I gave advice u dont seem to want it
I can leave if u want

i said i will pretend to like myself!
it just seems the advice was just dismissive of actual flaws

fake it til u make it lowkey works after a while
my only other advice, u obv know your flaws, work on them. You do not need us to tell you your flaws if you already are aware of them. You got a therapist, I believe in you

i just wanna see what i could do to improve myself, in the eyes of people who know me, even if they only know me a little

LexiLuvsKirby
National Star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

Maxwell wrote:
will u take the advice or not
u wanted advice I gave advice u dont seem to want it
I can leave if u want

i said i will pretend to like myself!
it just seems the advice was just dismissive of actual flaws

Confidence in self is definitely a fake it til you make it situation. Promise I've told myself I'm a decent person with a grimace on my face and my internal voice screaming it's all lies and fakes and I'm worthless but the voice is fake and often, the voice may not even be your own. So many of the beliefs we have about ourselves comes from feedback and the opinions of others, esp family and friends.

Sometimes it helps making a list about about how you feel about yourself and then genuinely ask yourself for every one of them IS THIS MY TRUTH? IS THIS WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF? You get to decide if you actually believe the thoughts running through your brain. Just bc they are there doesn't meant they are correct.

in my case, i dont think the voice is fake
its my own internal guilt telling me to change

Nesta
Streetmusician

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
i like how you said we when there was no other people on the thread but you and me

I just got here but I agree w Maxwell that it's something worth working on. You have your own back first and it's important to be able to be realistic about how you act as a person. most acts doesn't define your worth, or goodness/badness in a way that matter but you always have to live with yourself and my hope for you is then that you see that you are worthy of being percieved as a decent person and that you believe that you are deserving of good things and that you find the way to do better for and by yourself.

I have this quote on my wall,
"every time you want to self sabotage, do the opposite." I don't know what this means specifically for you bc everyone self sabotage in different ways but maybe it can be a thought to bring into the next day. See if when youre about to do something that may not be the best option for you, if you can make a better choice. Whatever that looks like for you.

most acts dont define you unless you hurt everyone around you
then you are a bad person
and i really dont think trying to gain insight on what others think i could improve is self sabotage

Everyone hurt people at points in their life. You also get to make amends and forgive yourself for the things you didn't have the option or ability to do better. You can get out of the bad person persona but then you have to act differently than what got you there, and start believing that you CAN BE DIFFERENT.

That's not what I said

LexiLuvsKirby
National Star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:
I just got here but I agree w Maxwell that it's something worth working on. You have your own back first and it's important to be able to be realistic about how you act as a person. most acts doesn't define your worth, or goodness/badness in a way that matter but you always have to live with yourself and my hope for you is then that you see that you are worthy of being percieved as a decent person and that you believe that you are deserving of good things and that you find the way to do better for and by yourself.

I have this quote on my wall,
"every time you want to self sabotage, do the opposite." I don't know what this means specifically for you bc everyone self sabotage in different ways but maybe it can be a thought to bring into the next day. See if when youre about to do something that may not be the best option for you, if you can make a better choice. Whatever that looks like for you.

most acts dont define you unless you hurt everyone around you
then you are a bad person
and i really dont think trying to gain insight on what others think i could improve is self sabotage

Everyone hurt people at points in their life. You also get to make amends and forgive yourself for the things you didn't have the option or ability to do better. You can get out of the bad person persona but then you have to act differently than what got you there, and start believing that you CAN BE DIFFERENT.

That's not what I said

of course. i have tried so many times to fix myself, and fix my relationship with others
and sometimes it works for a while
then i fuck up again. and the cycle repeats
thats how i its not just a "little mistake" its a PATTERN and it shows that i really am not a decent person

Nesta
Streetmusician

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
i said i will pretend to like myself!
it just seems the advice was just dismissive of actual flaws

Confidence in self is definitely a fake it til you make it situation. Promise I've told myself I'm a decent person with a grimace on my face and my internal voice screaming it's all lies and fakes and I'm worthless but the voice is fake and often, the voice may not even be your own. So many of the beliefs we have about ourselves comes from feedback and the opinions of others, esp family and friends.

Sometimes it helps making a list about about how you feel about yourself and then genuinely ask yourself for every one of them IS THIS MY TRUTH? IS THIS WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF? You get to decide if you actually believe the thoughts running through your brain. Just bc they are there doesn't meant they are correct.

in my case, i dont think the voice is fake
its my own internal guilt telling me to change

Guilt or shame tho?
Shame is a core belief telling you fx. you are worthless, bad person. Guilt is "I made a bad decition but I can make up for it" (it's your ethics telling you you overstepped your values and it doesn't stick around to tell you
you're worthless by default). No matter what it is, these are emotions/beliefs you can process if you want to.

So you already know a different truth tho. If it's asking you to change, then there's possibility towards doing better for yourself. A part of you already want it even if it doesn't know how. So by default a part of your brain/body is rooting for you to believe stronger in a truth that may be better for you.

The brain is flexible. It WANTS to learn new things and it does so by repetition. The believes you have about yourself rn, and esp the bad ones bc humans god bad impressions bias, are thoughts you likely repeat over and over again in your brain. That repetition strenghtened that truth - not bc it is objectively true but bc it is being repeated. Please try repeat a different belief next time you notice they come up. Try to find an opposite or a half opposite if that's easier. INTERRUPT it once and then twice and then as often as you remember to. Not to suppress the negative thoughts, but to challenge them as the only truth you have. Even when things goes shitty, it's okay to say "I ducked up, but i still deserve to do x action that takes care of me bc I am not worthless just bc I did xvz." everyone get to process their shit even shitty af people like certain world leaders rn. And if u can't do it out of compassion for yourself then do it out of spite for the people that are worse than you and have a lifestyle of being worse far longer than I assume you've lived so far.

Nesta
Streetmusician

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
most acts dont define you unless you hurt everyone around you
then you are a bad person
and i really dont think trying to gain insight on what others think i could improve is self sabotage

Everyone hurt people at points in their life. You also get to make amends and forgive yourself for the things you didn't have the option or ability to do better. You can get out of the bad person persona but then you have to act differently than what got you there, and start believing that you CAN BE DIFFERENT.

That's not what I said

of course. i have tried so many times to fix myself, and fix my relationship with others
and sometimes it works for a while
then i fuck up again. and the cycle repeats
thats how i its not just a "little mistake" its a PATTERN and it shows that i really am not a decent person

That's the practice. Your already in it. Even when it repeats you're in it towards a long term change. Something that's a battle you will be roller coasting all your life, sometimes it takes a few backsteps until you get in the clear. But most patterns doesn't dissolve easily- you fight them every time they show up and you get better at catching them and they show up less frequently. A repetition doesn't mean you failed, it mean you're still trying as long as you don't give up.

And if you already know your pattern you're alresdy halfway there bc you know what you don't want so try thinking about what you want to place in stead of them? When you notice they show up, have a different course of action (a healthy one) ready as a suggestion and go do it instead. And if there are clear triggers to it - Considee if you have to set boundaries with things, people or places for a while to give yourself the space to begin healing from them and seeing them different. A lot of things look different with some space.

Anyways I have to sleep now. Considering trying some of the stuff I mentioned. Maybe it can help and idk what you got to lose from it, but you know yourself best ofc

LexiLuvsKirby
National Star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:
Confidence in self is definitely a fake it til you make it situation. Promise I've told myself I'm a decent person with a grimace on my face and my internal voice screaming it's all lies and fakes and I'm worthless but the voice is fake and often, the voice may not even be your own. So many of the beliefs we have about ourselves comes from feedback and the opinions of others, esp family and friends.

Sometimes it helps making a list about about how you feel about yourself and then genuinely ask yourself for every one of them IS THIS MY TRUTH? IS THIS WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF? You get to decide if you actually believe the thoughts running through your brain. Just bc they are there doesn't meant they are correct.

in my case, i dont think the voice is fake
its my own internal guilt telling me to change

Guilt or shame tho?
Shame is a core belief telling you fx. you are worthless, bad person. Guilt is "I made a bad decition but I can make up for it" (it's your ethics telling you you overstepped your values and it doesn't stick around to tell you
you're worthless by default). No matter what it is, these are emotions/beliefs you can process if you want to.

So you already know a different truth tho. If it's asking you to change, then there's possibility towards doing better for yourself. A part of you already want it even if it doesn't know how. So by default a part of your brain/body is rooting for you to believe stronger in a truth that may be better for you.

The brain is flexible. It WANTS to learn new things and it does so by repetition. The believes you have about yourself rn, and esp the bad ones bc humans god bad impressions bias, are thoughts you likely repeat over and over again in your brain. That repetition strenghtened that truth - not bc it is objectively true but bc it is being repeated. Please try repeat a different belief next time you notice they come up. Try to find an opposite or a half opposite if that's easier. INTERRUPT it once and then twice and then as often as you remember to. Not to suppress the negative thoughts, but to challenge them as the only truth you have. Even when things goes shitty, it's okay to say "I ducked up, but i still deserve to do x action that takes care of me bc I am not worthless just bc I did xvz." everyone get to process their shit even shitty af people like certain world leaders rn. And if u can't do it out of compassion for yourself then do it out of spite for the people that are worse than you and have a lifestyle of being worse far longer than I assume you've lived so far.

my therapist tells me to do something similar to what youve said but she calls it "3 Cs"
its basically: catch it, challenge it, change it. you catch yourself thinking thinking a negative thought
you challenge it by asking yourself if its true, am i really a bad person? is there any actual evidence supporting it? and then you change it, replace it with a positive thought
but i never get pass the challenge it part because yes i really am a bad person. yes there is evidence for it: i often hurt my family and ignore and push away my friends

LexiLuvsKirby
National Star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:
Everyone hurt people at points in their life. You also get to make amends and forgive yourself for the things you didn't have the option or ability to do better. You can get out of the bad person persona but then you have to act differently than what got you there, and start believing that you CAN BE DIFFERENT.

That's not what I said

of course. i have tried so many times to fix myself, and fix my relationship with others
and sometimes it works for a while
then i fuck up again. and the cycle repeats
thats how i its not just a "little mistake" its a PATTERN and it shows that i really am not a decent person

That's the practice. Your already in it. Even when it repeats you're in it towards a long term change. Something that's a battle you will be roller coasting all your life, sometimes it takes a few backsteps until you get in the clear. But most patterns doesn't dissolve easily- you fight them every time they show up and you get better at catching them and they show up less frequently. A repetition doesn't mean you failed, it mean you're still trying as long as you don't give up.

And if you already know your pattern you're alresdy halfway there bc you know what you don't want so try thinking about what you want to place in stead of them? When you notice they show up, have a different course of action (a healthy one) ready as a suggestion and go do it instead. And if there are clear triggers to it - Considee if you have to set boundaries with things, people or places for a while to give yourself the space to begin healing from them and seeing them different. A lot of things look different with some space.

Anyways I have to sleep now. Considering trying some of the stuff I mentioned. Maybe it can help and idk what you got to lose from it, but you know yourself best ofc

Good night thank you for your POV

Nesta
Streetmusician

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:

nesta wrote:

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
in my case, i dont think the voice is fake
its my own internal guilt telling me to change

Guilt or shame tho?
Shame is a core belief telling you fx. you are worthless, bad person. Guilt is "I made a bad decition but I can make up for it" (it's your ethics telling you you overstepped your values and it doesn't stick around to tell you
you're worthless by default). No matter what it is, these are emotions/beliefs you can process if you want to.

So you already know a different truth tho. If it's asking you to change, then there's possibility towards doing better for yourself. A part of you already want it even if it doesn't know how. So by default a part of your brain/body is rooting for you to believe stronger in a truth that may be better for you.

The brain is flexible. It WANTS to learn new things and it does so by repetition. The believes you have about yourself rn, and esp the bad ones bc humans god bad impressions bias, are thoughts you likely repeat over and over again in your brain. That repetition strenghtened that truth - not bc it is objectively true but bc it is being repeated. Please try repeat a different belief next time you notice they come up. Try to find an opposite or a half opposite if that's easier. INTERRUPT it once and then twice and then as often as you remember to. Not to suppress the negative thoughts, but to challenge them as the only truth you have. Even when things goes shitty, it's okay to say "I ducked up, but i still deserve to do x action that takes care of me bc I am not worthless just bc I did xvz." everyone get to process their shit even shitty af people like certain world leaders rn. And if u can't do it out of compassion for yourself then do it out of spite for the people that are worse than you and have a lifestyle of being worse far longer than I assume you've lived so far.

my therapist tells me to do something similar to what youve said but she calls it "3 Cs"
its basically: catch it, challenge it, change it. you catch yourself thinking thinking a negative thought
you challenge it by asking yourself if its true, am i really a bad person? is there any actual evidence supporting it? and then you change it, replace it with a positive thought
but i never get pass the challenge it part because yes i really am a bad person. yes there is evidence for it: i often hurt my family and ignore and push away my friends

Dig deeper. "am I really a bad person" is waay to vague imo bc then you have to define it in a way that is universally applicable and it's not going to be possible. Even the worst people in history had people who loved them, who believed in their good sides despite the bad. Did it make them bad persons for supporting them? Support is generally a good thing. It means you have compassion and care for people. Those are good qualities I don't think are found in people who are irrevocably bad.

So you have to be really fking honest with yourself when you do it. Both your good and bad qualities. You cannot just highlight the bad and leave those as the evidence when it's only half the truth.

So you have to dig deeper into the specific event that triggered it
- what specifically makes you push your friends away/hurt your family?
(it's very unlikely bc you enjoy it which implies that you do it because somewhere something hurts or you being hurt in these situations (other ppl can also hurt at the same time ofc over same/different things). Maybe it is the "easy way out" of a hard situation - I don't know the specifics so these may all be wrong. Maybe someone else overstepped YOUR boundaries (even ones you may not know to uphold) and your reaction, while maybe a bit too intense, was a way for you and your body to show others that whatever this is it isn't okay with me.

When you find the core belief or event that made you think this in the first place, you may find a new perspective on yourself too and maybe some more clarity on what you need to resolve all the stuff over time.

Nesta
Streetmusician

nesta wrote:
Anyways nighty again (I mean it this time)

Private
Queen of Pop

Eliah wrote:
The constant negativity and the attention seeking that comes with it probably