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Helmi
Why are mp prices so crazy.. YES I’m looking at you 🫵
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i need to talk about this
Private
National star



'cause i feel like i lost my entire fucking life but when i think back at what used to be it feels fucking crazy and i no longer question myself or hate myself for going completely insane those last weeks because i've come to the conclusion that you cannot live with crazy people without becoming crazy yourself in order to survive

i have no memory of how much or how little i've already shared with you on this site, but i'm pretty sure there's more whatsoever

like, did i tell you about all the times he locked me out of the apartment and wouldn't let me in unless i screamed and yelled and cried and banged at the door? and even then on at least one occasion i had to basically apologize for existing and promise him it's ok to call me worthless, retarded, a bitch, a whore and so on because i totally deserved it

did i tell you about the time he refused to even acknowledge my existence for about 24 hours after he'd been mad af and accusing me of being a liar when i answered "yes" to the question of whether i'd made regular rice? apparently it wasn't the kind of rice we usually had at home... or that time when he did the exact same thing because i'd made mashed potatoes with some meat thing and he found a chunk of potato in the mashed potatoes? it apparently meant i was a liar because everybody knows there cannot possibly be a chunk of potato in mashed potatoes (???)

did i ever tell you he ALWAYS called me names and made fun of me and told me i didn't deserve to voice my opinion because no one on earth would care anyway? or all the times he told me i was socially incompetent and that people never laughed at my jokes, but at me? all the times he told me nobody liked me? all the times he told me i was mentally ill and/or psychotic and should be locked up at a psych ward? 

did i tell you about the time he had uhm, adult stuff, with me against my will?

did i tell you about all the other times he kicked me out?

did i ever tell you about all the times he got so wasted he couldn't care for himself and i had to take care of him?

or what about the time we went on vacation and he got so drunk he vomited all over the bed and then proceeded to cry half the night about his fucked up idea that i was gonna take his passport and leave the country without him, getting him stuck in a foreign country without the possibility to leave and go back home?

did i ever tell you he scared my friends off by doing weird stuff and acting like a maniac whenever they came to visit? such as angrily proclaiming he'd sleep on the floor (+calling me a lot of names) when a friend and i planned to go to the pub one night? or that time he threw a glass against the wall because i was talking more with his friend than he was? 

did i mention that the same day i signed the contract to my own apartment without letting him know, he put all my most expensive shit on the fucking side walk in the city at 1:30 am? 

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he once grabbed my dinner plate out of my hands and threw my food in the trash because in his mind, i didn't deserve to eat because i'd tasted the sauce before dinner was served against his will

he threw empty beer cans at me and yelled at me at a festival camping to the extent that a fucking security guard came up to him and said people had told security he was beating me up - then he forced me to leave the festival (thank god for my brother who drove 250 kilometers ONE WAY in the middle of the night to pick me up) and then proceeded to threaten to dump me unless i came back the next morning (so i bought a train ticket and i went back)

he punched huge holes in the bedroom wall with a fucking hammer at midnight because he was mad about something not going his way

he got mad at me every year for never doing anything special for his birthday - yet he never did anything for me OR gave me anything (and my birthday is before his)

he kept nagging me about cleaning while not doing jack shit around the home himself aside from cooking - i did most the grocery shopping, i cleaned, i did the laundry, i took out the trash, i took care of the cats; fucking everything

he's been accusing me of taking advantage of him economically while i was fucking paying rent and buying food and contributing to the household all the fucking time
Private
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jesus christ u have NO idea how much some of that reminds me of my ex. im so sorry u went thru all of it. u literally need to make a word document recording all of the stuff he did and all of the stuff u hate about him so that when u catch urself getting sad (which i mean, u will) u can open it up and read thru it . thats what i did lol

but also. u have nooo idea how happy i am to hear u say the first part, about how ur not questioning urself or hating urself for how u acted as much as u were at the beginning of the break up. good !
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<3 <3 <3
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You should pack up essential things and get THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.
Private
World famous



i'm really proud of you 

when you first said you guys brokeup i didnt think you were gonna stay broken up and i'm sorry i doubted you. it seems like youre really processing the abuse that he put you through and  after reading your threads for the last four years i'm just so proud of you for breaking free. 

tell us everything that you need to say. i'll read all of it and bear witness to your pain. you've survived and you are going to thrive. i know it. i'm so proud to see you processing this. 
Private
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and now he's most likely making me up to be an abusive fucking lunatic to everyone who ever knew us, and i fucking hate that

yeah, i did some crazy shit. i drank a lot (but never so much i couldn't care for myself). i yelled a lot, i fought a lot, i refused to shut up. i punched a hole in the bedroom door. on that last night before he kicked me out for good, i was lying on the floor screaming "i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die" and i did tell him to fucking hit me instead, in front of his friends. the entire weekend before, i'd told him time and time again that either we sort shit out and stop fighting now and agree to live on equal terms where there's not one set of rules for one of us and another set of rules for the other one, or i'd leave and he'd never fucking see me again
sure, i did all that. i also slapped him across the face more than once. 'cause i'm an asshole, and i admit that and i take full responsibility for what i did and didn't do - but it's done. what's done is done. 
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Chocolata wrote:
You should pack up essential things and get THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.
i got out because he kicked me out for the third time and somehow i ended up getting my own apartment
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scoff wrote:
Chocolata wrote:
You should pack up essential things and get THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.
i got out because he kicked me out for the third time and somehow i ended up getting my own apartment

It's tragic that he kicked you out, I can't imagine what it must have been like. But I'm happy for you that you got your own apartment. Please don't put yourself down for what he did to you or for how you had to adapt and cope. Healing needs time but it is possible.
Private
Youtube star



scoff wrote:
and now he's most likely making me up to be an abusive fucking lunatic to everyone who ever knew us, and i fucking hate that

yeah, i did some crazy shit. i drank a lot (but never so much i couldn't care for myself). i yelled a lot, i fought a lot, i refused to shut up. i punched a hole in the bedroom door. on that last night before he kicked me out for good, i was lying on the floor screaming "i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die" and i did tell him to fucking hit me instead, in front of his friends. the entire weekend before, i'd told him time and time again that either we sort shit out and stop fighting now and agree to live on equal terms where there's not one set of rules for one of us and another set of rules for the other one, or i'd leave and he'd never fucking see me again
sure, i did all that. i also slapped him across the face more than once. 'cause i'm an asshole, and i admit that and i take full responsibility for what i did and didn't do - but it's done. what's done is done. 
sorry to keep bringing it back to me but its the only way i know how to empathise LOL but again, im going thru the same thing! i know my ex is telling everyone that im absolutely insane and a crazy bitch and that im so many awful things and sometimes it makes me sad but most of the time now im just like...whatever. who fucking cares

i know so many amazing women who have been called 'crazy' by their ex boyfriends that at this point i feel like its just a compliment
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you know, once when i refused to cater to him or help him out when he was drunk and not feeling well, he tried to kick me out of the bedroom and when i refused, he grabbed me physically and tried to drag me out of there. i fought back, and it ended up with me hitting my head on the floor, him ripping my new t-shirt practically to pieces and sitting on me (all while i was on the phone without him knowing - he thought i was gonna call the police on him, but i had my mom on the other side of the line and not the police) 
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Delusion1111111 wrote:
jesus christ u have NO idea how much some of that reminds me of my ex. im so sorry u went thru all of it. u literally need to make a word document recording all of the stuff he did and all of the stuff u hate about him so that when u catch urself getting sad (which i mean, u will) u can open it up and read thru it . thats what i did lol

but also. u have nooo idea how happy i am to hear u say the first part, about how ur not questioning urself or hating urself for how u acted as much as u were at the beginning of the break up. good !
i have a video of him calling me a retarded cunt and accusing me of being mean and evil and ruining exactly everything because i went against him regarding what fucking movie we were gonna watch
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Claire wrote:
i'm really proud of you 

when you first said you guys brokeup i didnt think you were gonna stay broken up and i'm sorry i doubted you. it seems like youre really processing the abuse that he put you through and  after reading your threads for the last four years i'm just so proud of you for breaking free. 

tell us everything that you need to say. i'll read all of it and bear witness to your pain. you've survived and you are going to thrive. i know it. i'm so proud to see you processing this. 
i'm still sad tho, you know? he was nice when he wasn't being a fucking asshole - and that's the worst part. i wish he was a mean ass person right through and all the time, but he isn't. and that shit sucks.
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World famous



scoff wrote:
Claire wrote:
i'm really proud of you 

when you first said you guys brokeup i didnt think you were gonna stay broken up and i'm sorry i doubted you. it seems like youre really processing the abuse that he put you through and  after reading your threads for the last four years i'm just so proud of you for breaking free. 

tell us everything that you need to say. i'll read all of it and bear witness to your pain. you've survived and you are going to thrive. i know it. i'm so proud to see you processing this. 
i'm still sad tho, you know? he was nice when he wasn't being a fucking asshole - and that's the worst part. i wish he was a mean ass person right through and all the time, but he isn't. and that shit sucks.
i DO know. i know. 
Private
National star



Chocolata wrote:
scoff wrote:
Chocolata wrote:
You should pack up essential things and get THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.
i got out because he kicked me out for the third time and somehow i ended up getting my own apartment

It's tragic that he kicked you out, I can't imagine what it must have been like. But I'm happy for you that you got your own apartment. Please don't put yourself down for what he did to you or for how you had to adapt and cope. Healing needs time but it is possible.
i mean, what else was i supposed to do? be homeless? with two cats? that wasn't an option.
Private
Youtube star



scoff wrote:
Claire wrote:
i'm really proud of you 

when you first said you guys brokeup i didnt think you were gonna stay broken up and i'm sorry i doubted you. it seems like youre really processing the abuse that he put you through and  after reading your threads for the last four years i'm just so proud of you for breaking free. 

tell us everything that you need to say. i'll read all of it and bear witness to your pain. you've survived and you are going to thrive. i know it. i'm so proud to see you processing this. 
i'm still sad tho, you know? he was nice when he wasn't being a fucking asshole - and that's the worst part. i wish he was a mean ass person right through and all the time, but he isn't. and that shit sucks.
nobody is ever entirely bad though. thats why we stay so long w bad ppl, bcuz there are ALWAYS good parts that come thru sometimes. that goes for everyone, like even the most evil ppl. theyll still sometimes do nice things.
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