uhhhhhhhh serious energy topic o_o tw r*pe?? - Forum

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Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:
okay first off i can move this to mcs if someone tells me to

but uh what is the best possible way to be there 4 my friend? She's 18 years old, this year, so fairly young. 4 years younger than me, 6 years younger than my roommate lmao, but we both know her from gsm n we've met a couple times through the years since she was 14 years old lmao n then january this year she moved across the country to live in oslo by herself which is the same city we live in so we've hung out alot after that

btu she's kinda troubled n gone through things 18yos shouldnt have, like when she was 14 her mom passed, she doesnt have contact w her father, she began taking drugs n got caught n put on piss test n all that n when she moved here she quickly found a friend group of like 20+ year old reality tv ppl like contestants from paradise hotel loool etc n like they all take n give her drugs n alcohol n this summer she's been partying every single day n yea idk how i feel abt it
n then a couple weeks ago she briefly told me she had gotten raped n i know who she was out w that night, her new group of friends
n after that she hasnt really talked much abt it n we havent seen each other irl, only snapchatted n stuff
so yesterday me and my roommate invited her to come n eat dinner on sunday(2day) cause we are worried for her n like if she is okay but she was busy so she declined
n now early this morning while i was asleep she texted me like "are u awake" n i wasnt but i texted her back soon as i woke up n she was like "i need help, i dont know how to formulate it though cause its kinda hard but theres stuff that has happened, and things tonight. i havent slept, i have so much anxiety my head is exploding" and like i want to be there for her so damn much so i said she could come over today if she wanted to after all and she said yes please so obviously something is wrong and my mind goes to that night she was raped

but how do i approach this i have never been in a situation like this i dont wanna step on any toes or say the wrong thigns or do something she wouldnt like so im asking 4 advice
is it enough to just have her come here n talk and/or cry n just comfort her or should i say something should i do something ???????? i love her so much

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wug wrote:
im not sure but i think what you should do is to attempt being a safe place and let her come to you, show her that she can come to you when she is ready and that you will support and help her when she is ready to accept that. we can never help anyone who can't see that they need it + they need to accept the help. don't push her or anything, just show her that you care and that you are worried about her.

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Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:

Snusmumrikken wrote:
im not sure but i think what you should do is to attempt being a safe place and let her come to you, show her that she can come to you when she is ready and that you will support and help her when she is ready to accept that. we can never help anyone who can't see that they need it + they need to accept the help. don't push her or anything, just show her that you care and that you are worried about her.

yea thats good advice thank you so much!!!

Nox
Youtube star

Nox wrote:

Snusmumrikken wrote:
im not sure but i think what you should do is to attempt being a safe place and let her come to you, show her that she can come to you when she is ready and that you will support and help her when she is ready to accept that. we can never help anyone who can't see that they need it + they need to accept the help. don't push her or anything, just show her that you care and that you are worried about her.

this ^^^^

also it sounds like she wants to talk to you about it herself so u might not even need to start the conversation! is she coming to you today? when she's ready, i'm sure she'll ask for ur help or advice! just don't try to push a conversation or press on her!! its best when u just listen first and see how much she opens up to u

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Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:

Nox wrote:

Snusmumrikken wrote:
im not sure but i think what you should do is to attempt being a safe place and let her come to you, show her that she can come to you when she is ready and that you will support and help her when she is ready to accept that. we can never help anyone who can't see that they need it + they need to accept the help. don't push her or anything, just show her that you care and that you are worried about her.

this ^^^^

also it sounds like she wants to talk to you about it herself so u might not even need to start the conversation! is she coming to you today? when she's ready, i'm sure she'll ask for ur help or advice! just don't try to push a conversation or press on her!! its best when u just listen first and see how much she opens up to u

yea thats the thing, she's coming over in an hour or something but the thing is i dont know what to say like i dont know how to comfort someone who's been through that so idk if its enough to just listen to her or if i should say something n if so what : /

so the thread isnt abt me wanting to confront her abt her bad friend group or anything like that if that was the vibe it put off!!

Account deleted

wrote:
Oh poor her, that's so terrible!

I've kind of had direct experience with that kind of stuff, being like a witness to it online.
I was friends with this girl who was like 15 years old or so. She was a victim of extreme multi-level abuse and neglect (both mentally and physically neglect) by her single dad with severe mental problems.

I felt the same thing as you're feeling right now. I also felt varying degrees of guilt/powerlessness.

I ended up saving her life one night. She was feeling terrible. I stayed up late for her, kept chatting with her and kept like saying I'm here for you, I appreciate you, hold on to me, etc.

I agree with Snusmumrikken's take, but I also have further advice.

1) What Snusmumrikken is a really good start

2) Look up crisis hotlines for your country and have them handy, put them in your notes or something
3) Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. Make sure to take emotional timeouts. Eat, drink, showers, proper sleep, etc. I know it's difficult but you still have got to take care of yourself

4) If she refuses to take your help or chat with you, you should give her space. Fact is, and this is something I've struggled to accept personally @ other people: You cannot help someone who refuses to take your help. You can only help people who are still open to be helped, no matter how bad their condition.

5) She's not a minor anymore, but maybe if she grew up around healthy people from the family (grandparent, kind teacher, Maybe if you could investigate who's like that? Not everyone's bad in the social circle of a neglected child/teen. But it is sure odd that no-one has picked up the red flags of neglect before and helped her before all of this could happen.

6) Possibly go through old messages and record evidence of any criminal activity. Does she send you evidence of criminal activity going on? Screenshot/screen record it and save it in a folder. Maybe it becomes relevant to have one day if she gets in trouble or wants to report someone.

7) Be slow and gentle with her. She seems like she has been through a LOT of trauma just from what you've told us. She can, like you mentioned, have a lot of anxiety/depressive symptoms and trauma. Try to supportively affirm her (I'm here, you're safe, I trust you, it's okay, I love you friend) slowly. Maybe provide her with food/drink and something comfortable like a warm blanket or a cuddly stuffed animal. Be understanding if she flinches/freezes, and let her know you don't judge her and you really support her

Hope it helped!!!

Nox
Youtube star

Nox wrote:

kruspersille wrote:

Nox wrote:

Snusmumrikken wrote:
im not sure but i think what you should do is to attempt being a safe place and let her come to you, show her that she can come to you when she is ready and that you will support and help her when she is ready to accept that. we can never help anyone who can't see that they need it + they need to accept the help. don't push her or anything, just show her that you care and that you are worried about her.

this ^^^^

also it sounds like she wants to talk to you about it herself so u might not even need to start the conversation! is she coming to you today? when she's ready, i'm sure she'll ask for ur help or advice! just don't try to push a conversation or press on her!! its best when u just listen first and see how much she opens up to u

yea thats the thing, she's coming over in an hour or something but the thing is i dont know what to say like i dont know how to comfort someone who's been through that so idk if its enough to just listen to her or if i should say something n if so what : /

so the thread isnt abt me wanting to confront her abt her bad friend group or anything like that if that was the vibe it put off!!

no no don't worry !! it didn't come off as that

i understand ur dilemma, i've never been in a situation like that
but i can imagine that people seeking for help/advice don'T want any lessons, so definitely try to not belittle her/treat her like a child
also maybe keep assuring her that ur house is a safe place and that it's okay that she might need time to find the words or even just start talking

iwish u all the best and i hope ur friend is doing fine!! it's v sweet of u that u care so much about her <33 3

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Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:

Ozeana wrote:
Oh poor her, that's so terrible!

I've kind of had direct experience with that kind of stuff, being like a witness to it online.
I was friends with this girl who was like 15 years old or so. She was a victim of extreme multi-level abuse and neglect (both mentally and physically neglect) by her single dad with severe mental problems.

I felt the same thing as you're feeling right now. I also felt varying degrees of guilt/powerlessness.

I ended up saving her life one night. She was feeling terrible. I stayed up late for her, kept chatting with her and kept like saying I'm here for you, I appreciate you, hold on to me, etc.

I agree with Snusmumrikken's take, but I also have further advice.

1) What Snusmumrikken is a really good start

2) Look up crisis hotlines for your country and have them handy, put them in your notes or something
3) Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. Make sure to take emotional timeouts. Eat, drink, showers, proper sleep, etc. I know it's difficult but you still have got to take care of yourself

4) If she refuses to take your help or chat with you, you should give her space. Fact is, and this is something I've struggled to accept personally @ other people: You cannot help someone who refuses to take your help. You can only help people who are still open to be helped, no matter how bad their condition.

5) She's not a minor anymore, but maybe if she grew up around healthy people from the family (grandparent, kind teacher, Maybe if you could investigate who's like that? Not everyone's bad in the social circle of a neglected child/teen. But it is sure odd that no-one has picked up the red flags of neglect before and helped her before all of this could happen.

6) Possibly go through old messages and record evidence of any criminal activity. Does she send you evidence of criminal activity going on? Screenshot/screen record it and save it in a folder. Maybe it becomes relevant to have one day if she gets in trouble or wants to report someone.

7) Be slow and gentle with her. She seems like she has been through a LOT of trauma just from what you've told us. She can, like you mentioned, have a lot of anxiety/depressive symptoms and trauma. Try to supportively affirm her (I'm here, you're safe, I trust you, it's okay, I love you friend) slowly. Maybe provide her with food/drink and something comfortable like a warm blanket or a cuddly stuffed animal. Be understanding if she flinches/freezes, and let her know you don't judge her and you really support her

Hope it helped!!!

number 7 was very helpful big time!!!! will cook up some food n maybe some hot cocoa for when she gets here 🥺🥺

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uhyre wrote:
yea i think u got some good advice here

all i can say, from the other end of the situation, is that pressure is the biggest thing to avoid. pressure to talk or even acknowledge that something is wrong can be a lot too much when in a fragile place like that. idk what kind of person she is, but having the option to also just chill out could be good, thats what i do when shit happens like that at least. blankets n a low atmosphere and snaccs could b useful dependign

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Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:

mikkelrev wrote:
yea i think u got some good advice here

all i can say, from the other end of the situation, is that pressure is the biggest thing to avoid. pressure to talk or even acknowledge that something is wrong can be a lot too much when in a fragile place like that. idk what kind of person she is, but having the option to also just chill out could be good, thats what i do when shit happens like that at least. blankets n a low atmosphere and snaccs could b useful dependign

thank you so mcuh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:
i think it went okay, she was here for 7 and a half hours n she talked n talked n we listened n ordered sushi n soda even though she didnt eat a lot, she puked when she got here cause she was so anxious but when she left now she said she appreciated it more than we could imagine n i said she could always come here whenever she wanted to

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Delusion1111111 wrote:
ur doing amazing tbh u sound like a really great and comforting friend n shes lucky to hav yah