about abusive men and women - Forum

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
Because I haven't done that in forever and I do have a can or two so... let's get started!

So about the Johnny Depp thing. Or more like, about men abusing women or vice versa and what it looks like to the people around them when they only see snippets and aren't there 24/7 to see what the fuck's REALLY going on.

My ex and I were together for four years. He kicked me out on his birthday, and then told all his friends I was a crazy narc who, on top of that, dumped him on his birthday after having set fire to his kitchen (he was the one setting the kitchen on fire the night before, jfc). And he had evidence I was crazy, there were witnesses to that. The night before he kicked my ass out, I'd gone haywire (because he set the kitchen on fire). I'd screamed and yelled and at some point I broke a door with a cleaning supply because I got so mad he'd broken the wall a couple nights before and then told his friends about it like it was some funny antic or something - because hey, if that's just a funny little thing to do, fuck you - imma do it too! I was so fucking done with all the hypocrisy and one thing being acceptable for him while not for me. Yah, it was childish but crazy feeds crazy and it all goes insane.

Anyway, after our breakup I got my shit together pretty quickly. I finished college, found someplace to live und so weiter. Three weeks after I'd been kicked out, I was out to a pub having fun with my friends. He was fucking broken and fucked up and couldn't talk about anything but me and what a shitty person I am. Our mutual friend had taken him on a trip to forget about it, but he'd just been so off that it hadn't even been fun.

When we fought, he was mostly more upset than I was - or at least came across as it. I'm good at being seemingly ice cold (and I was fed up). He called me this and that and that and this and I was just like "ok, no, I'm not gonna have this discussion this way" and then he'd get up an lock himself up somewhere and I'd go after and try to talk with him through the door because you do not get up and leave in the middle of an argument before you've solved the fucking issue on hand, do you? No. Anyway, had there been videos of that, I'd look like the abusive one. He went shit like "why can't you just leave me alone? why can't you just stop hurting me?" and I went shit like "I'm not doing anything, it's you who's doing shit to me and we're gonna talk through it right here, right now". Sorta. K he also called me one thing and another, but that's besides the point. A lot of people do when they get upset. I very rarely did.

Anyway, my point with this is: if you didn't know, who would believe? Me or my ex? The one who looked like a walking corpse and acted fucking off and couldn't stop obsessing about shit OR the one who moved on and had fun quite instantly? All his friends would defend him, even some past lovers. They always did. They always told me from the start that I'd found the most amazing man on earth and that I should never get rid of him. See?

Who the fuck would you believe?

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
And I mean I'm not saying Johnny Depp did or didn't do anything to Amber Heard, but that's besides the point. My point here is that people should really be careful with what they choose to believe in and on what accounts they base those beliefs.

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
And now I'm fucked up, because this is the kind of shit that makes me wonder if maybe it wasn't just me all along? I mean, here I am pretending to feel bad about shit that happened, but truth be told - I feel nothing and a lot of the time I didn't even then and there. He raped me, and I don't care. I didn't care. I slapped him across the face and then I never thought about it again. It doesn't make me feel anything. It didn't make me feel degraded or disrespected or dirty or bad about myself, it only made me angry. Just like everything else he did. Am I a psychopath? I never get hurt when people do bad things to me or they say bad things to me or about me - I just get mad. Because I'm too much at peace with myself to give a shit about that kind of shit.

And I was planning on leaving anyway. I didn't have a concrete plan yet, but I was gonna leave. In fact, when I woke up that morning, I thought to myself that hey, maybe I should just get my own place and leave. Maybe it'd be better that way. And then he kicked me out and accused me of planning to leave him anyway. I don't know how he could always read my mind. That shit scares me and it's the only thing that does.

Private
World famous

creepypasta wrote:
I just think you both need help

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

creepypasta wrote:
I just think you both need help

I don't think I need help. I'm fine now. I'm out of there and I haven't done anything even remotely insane ever since.

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:
Bruh same with my ex cus he shit-talked me to his friends so they hated me but never told them abt him being hella toxic towards me n cheating multiple times
Like it b like that but honestly bahhhh what was my point idk butt

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
My only problem is that I was there yet I don't know who to believe. Was it him or was it me? Am I so fucked up I can't function in a relationship with another human being? Or is it him? He has a history of being an asshole to his gf's - he's told me so himself, only of course he never saw anything wrong with what he did to them and tried to convince me that they were being the assholes. Now I lived that shit, so I never saw it from his point of view. Pretty sure no woman would if they heard his stories.

But then again, if it was so bad - why am I not hurt? Why don't I feel anything? I have a friend who lived the same shit I did but with a different man and for a much shorter period of time; she's still hurt from that and she still suffers the psychological consequences of all the shit that went down. Me? I just don't feel anything in particular about it.

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

ouch wrote:
Bruh same with my ex cus he shit-talked me to his friends so they hated me but never told them abt him being hella toxic towards me n cheating multiple times
Like it b like that but honestly bahhhh what was my point idk butt

They're good at being manipulative assholes, that's what.

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
Seriously tho, I'm worried I might suffer from some kind of emotional deficiency. I'm like "ok, this happened, it's part of my life, and I don't care". It's so fucked.

Private
World famous

Claire wrote:

scoff wrote:
Seriously tho, I'm worried I might suffer from some kind of emotional deficiency. I'm like "ok, this happened, it's part of my life, and I don't care". It's so fucked.

i think you got worn down

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Claire wrote:

scoff wrote:
Seriously tho, I'm worried I might suffer from some kind of emotional deficiency. I'm like "ok, this happened, it's part of my life, and I don't care". It's so fucked.

i think you got worn down

But it's not just about my relationship with him. When I was 13, my mom died and then was revived but had to stay in hospital for two months and my stepdad was, at the time, quite the asshole and quite incapable of caring for little children (my siblings were 1, 3, 5, 6 and 11 at the time), so I cared for them mostly and according to normal expectations I should have felt something about that at least back then, but I never did. Not then, and not afterwards. My siblings did. They were worried sick about mom, I remember that, and I was just like "either she lives or she doesn't; let's forget about it and go on with our lives for now because there's nothing we can do about it anyway". Does that sound normal to you? Was I always worn down?

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
I've also had people telling me my dad's an asshole and that I'm supposed to feel bad about that or be angry with him or w/e because he left the family when I was 2 and then I saw him once or twice a year for many years and now I haven't seen him at all in over a year and he's been married and living in a different city for three, four years and I've never met his wife or her kids and I don't even know where they live, and my brother and I have asked if we could come over for coffee or something someday because the town he lives in is just like an hour and a half away and he makes up excuses for us not to come visit because he doesn't want us there but I don't care. I don't even care that he owes me money he borrowed from me - because he borrowed them six years ago and I've done good without them for six years so I obviously never needed them anyway. We're both adults and we owe each other nothing and that's fine with me.

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:

scoff wrote:

Claire wrote:

scoff wrote:
Seriously tho, I'm worried I might suffer from some kind of emotional deficiency. I'm like "ok, this happened, it's part of my life, and I don't care". It's so fucked.

i think you got worn down

But it's not just about my relationship with him. When I was 13, my mom died and then was revived but had to stay in hospital for two months and my stepdad was, at the time, quite the asshole and quite incapable of caring for little children (my siblings were 1, 3, 5, 6 and 11 at the time), so I cared for them mostly and according to normal expectations I should have felt something about that at least back then, but I never did. Not then, and not afterwards. My siblings did. They were worried sick about mom, I remember that, and I was just like "either she lives or she doesn't; let's forget about it and go on with our lives for now because there's nothing we can do about it anyway". Does that sound normal to you? Was I always worn down?

Can relate but idk if its normal tho o

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
Hey, maybe it's not me, maybe it's men. Obviously the men around me are assholes.

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

ouch wrote:

scoff wrote:

Claire wrote:
i think you got worn down

But it's not just about my relationship with him. When I was 13, my mom died and then was revived but had to stay in hospital for two months and my stepdad was, at the time, quite the asshole and quite incapable of caring for little children (my siblings were 1, 3, 5, 6 and 11 at the time), so I cared for them mostly and according to normal expectations I should have felt something about that at least back then, but I never did. Not then, and not afterwards. My siblings did. They were worried sick about mom, I remember that, and I was just like "either she lives or she doesn't; let's forget about it and go on with our lives for now because there's nothing we can do about it anyway". Does that sound normal to you? Was I always worn down?

Can relate but idk if its normal tho o

idk

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:

scoff wrote:
Hey, maybe it's not me, maybe it's men. Obviously the men around me are assholes.

Yes like it doesn't seem like u r the problem tbh, mayb like 1% n the dudes r like 99%