Nesta wrote:--- already sorry for the rant. idk if it was helpful at all or just me babbling --
Honestly, I'm about to quit my sessions tomorrow because I got the ultimatum that I now need to want to take active action (alas exposure therapy for my social anxiety) which I'm not really interested in, and know what I want to do further w\ the therapy (which I don't and I don't see much help in exposure therapy that I'm not already doing on my own as I'm like a good deal functioning at this point. ) As well, do these sessions just give me extra stress on my to-do list and guilt b\c my dad drives me, and it hasn't really done me much tbh. I never really had trust in therapy from the start tho, and it's not like I'm cured and I can deal with "every possible" situation but that wasn't my reality when I was 'healthy' either. Like I'd rather run my own run, you know. That's just how I work and prefer. I'd rather see myself opening up to people that I know than strangers -- when things feel safe for me to do so. And even though you're supposed to trust this person, I don't, and I don't know why someone assumes me to do that after having met a person like 8 times. I mean, I've told you some of my darkest experiences but this isn't trust.
I don't know.
Exposure therapy isn't what I want even though my "perfection complexes" will guilt me for quitting because now I'm a coward who quits. I also probably have a fear of authorities and well, the power imbalance even in therapy gives me lowkey trust issues.
Why do people assume that I want action rather than just someone that wanted to listen to what I had to tell when I was ready to do so?

i went to someone for cbt some years ago for like... 3 sessions n then i was like nvm bye, i didnt even say anything i have no idea what we even did lmao. but now im like more ready to try it i feel like so im like why not. but i get what ur saying, i think i mostly just wanna try it out n see how it is. bc it feels like some things r worse now n im tired of it never getting better so im like ill give it a go lol