sighs not to complain every day - Forum

Kit
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Kit wrote:
about the same person but i am really getting so uncomfortable w my friend rn like

she texts me evERY SINGLE DAY. we usually hang out every single day and smoke weed and i've been really trying to communicate to her that that's not healthy for me anymore and i really need to take breaks bc a. i cannot afford it anymore and b. i really need time off to get school work done

but every time i try to do smth to improve my life that involves me spending less time with her, she freaks out n treats it like a rejection? this morning i wanted to play a 15min day of stardew valley with my breakfast and bc we're steam friends she can see that adn says "can def see why we need to hang out less ur clearly more productive at home" which was just like idk rly passive aggressive n she'll apologize immediately for saying smth like that but like. she'll still say it and make sure i know that she knows that i'm ? idk ? lying to her ? not being productive ? choosing not to hang out with her while also not doing what i said i was gna do ? idfk but its none of her business either way and like

she says "yk it's ok to not want to hang out" she says stuff like that which makes it rly clear that it isn't rly ok

anyway even tho i kinda resolved to have a day to myself she asked to hang out and bc she's gna be gone on the weekend i said yes bc ? when we don't hang out for more than 2 days in a row she gets Weird @ me. also keeps asking if we can smoke weed even tho i said i only want to do that 3 days a week max from now on

but i basically said can we hang out after dinner tho bc i'm busy and i really need the time ? and she just says "sorry but no that's too different from our routine" & i fully understand that like. she's autistic n breaks in routine r uncomfortable. like it's super uncomfortable for me too to not hang out at hers in the evening bc it's just What I Do but i really need to change my routine ?

and idk the whole "hang out with me but also get the groceries bc i'm Sad and also smoke weed with me even tho ur trying not to, and also nvm if u wont come over immediately and get dinner for me i'm gna cancel" and idk like

idk i just get the biggest pity party vibes from her and it's really sad bc we're really good friends but her resenting me for trying to do better for myself is just pissing me off so bad and i can't talk to her abt it without her freaking out n either blaming me or blaming herself nd hurting herself and idk im just

so tired of spending so much of my thoughts and emotions and energy worrying abt how she's feeling and how she'll react to me just like. trying to take care of myself and also just like

LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 24 HOURS ONCE IN A WHILE PLEASE

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:
but yeah im just rly sick of this shit and im really resenting her worse and worse for it and it makes me sad bc i love her a lot but i get so goddamn amgnry

Kit
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Kit wrote:
but aynway i really should just talk to her about it bc i really feel like absolute shit rn for this im so fucking tired of this passive aggressive pathetic pity-me self-victimizing bullshit n manipulation honestly like

i know she manipulates me bc she's insecure abt herself and our friendship but . its not fucking helping

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:
like i just really cant handle this also she will ignroe me or just b like "i dont know gonna go take a 3 hr depression nap" constantly when im trying to talk to her and then when im like "need a day to myself" she texts me some nonsense every 2-3 hours like ? WHAT THE FCI G KF DO O YOU WANT IM TIRED GO AWAY if u wanna hang out lets hang out if u wanna not , lets not, but dont say its ok if we're not hanging out and then monopolize all of my time on my day off anywayj kkfjkdlsj sdkl jfuckCckckcc!!!!

Kit
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Kit wrote:
honestly i could probably hold down a full time job if i wasnt worrying about her mental state every minute of every day and not even bc i am THAT occupied with it but bc she TEXTS ME. EVERY . HOUR . ON THE HOUR .

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:
and like i can ignore her texts but she'll still give me shit for ignoring her texts or not responding adequately to things she says even tho half of it is nonsense and the other half is shit she's said already and like

i've told her about 100000 times that i don't like texting that im bad at texting and also that i recently hurt my thumb n that there are a lot of reasons why i dont respond and none of them r that i dont care but . no . must respond within 10 seconds or she sends a 2nd text being like "oh ok nvm i guess" or sm bullshit

Private
Youtube star

Limbs wrote:
yikes lol she sounds like a piece of work
anyway this sounds really unhealthy and if she's not ready to change her ways maybe you'd be better off without this friend

Private
International star

uhyre wrote:
from my experience the best thing to do w people like that is to be really firm with ur boundaries if ur gonna keep them in ur life. like if theyre dogs, really, u have to follow through or theyre not gonna listen

if u tell her u want "a day off", dont open her messages even if she sends them, dont respond to them, and if theyre not important dont even respond to them the next day. if she brings it up through messages or face to face, just firmly tell her "i told u i was having a day off" and dont engage the conversation anymore. dont engage any behaviour youve told her u dont want, dont engage the conversations, dont engage guilt trippy conversations. like its absolutely exhausting to begin with, to be so rejecting with everything, but ive never had it not work at least moderately. its how i got my dad to stop using me as a ranting wall and therapist during the divorce and it worked like a charm

Private
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absintjente wrote:

mikkelrev wrote:
from my experience the best thing to do w people like that is to be really firm with ur boundaries if ur gonna keep them in ur life. like if theyre dogs, really, u have to follow through or theyre not gonna listen

if u tell her u want "a day off", dont open her messages even if she sends them, dont respond to them, and if theyre not important dont even respond to them the next day. if she brings it up through messages or face to face, just firmly tell her "i told u i was having a day off" and dont engage the conversation anymore. dont engage any behaviour youve told her u dont want, dont engage the conversations, dont engage guilt trippy conversations. like its absolutely exhausting to begin with, to be so rejecting with everything, but ive never had it not work at least moderately. its how i got my dad to stop using me as a ranting wall and therapist during the divorce and it worked like a charm

^^^^^^

turn of notifications ur chat for 24 hours.

but also, im wondering what u get out of the friendship? are you only friends with her because you worry what she might do if youre not around, or is there a genuinity in there?

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:

mikkelrev wrote:
from my experience the best thing to do w people like that is to be really firm with ur boundaries if ur gonna keep them in ur life. like if theyre dogs, really, u have to follow through or theyre not gonna listen

if u tell her u want "a day off", dont open her messages even if she sends them, dont respond to them, and if theyre not important dont even respond to them the next day. if she brings it up through messages or face to face, just firmly tell her "i told u i was having a day off" and dont engage the conversation anymore. dont engage any behaviour youve told her u dont want, dont engage the conversations, dont engage guilt trippy conversations. like its absolutely exhausting to begin with, to be so rejecting with everything, but ive never had it not work at least moderately. its how i got my dad to stop using me as a ranting wall and therapist during the divorce and it worked like a charm

yhh that sounds like. really good advice honestly idk i get super nervous abt doing that bc im afraid she'll just get more ? like this ig ? but i guess if she reacts poorly to me trying to like. set boundaries etc thats rly on her and i think shes smart enough 2 know thats not rly . appropriate ig

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:

absintjente wrote:

mikkelrev wrote:
from my experience the best thing to do w people like that is to be really firm with ur boundaries if ur gonna keep them in ur life. like if theyre dogs, really, u have to follow through or theyre not gonna listen

if u tell her u want "a day off", dont open her messages even if she sends them, dont respond to them, and if theyre not important dont even respond to them the next day. if she brings it up through messages or face to face, just firmly tell her "i told u i was having a day off" and dont engage the conversation anymore. dont engage any behaviour youve told her u dont want, dont engage the conversations, dont engage guilt trippy conversations. like its absolutely exhausting to begin with, to be so rejecting with everything, but ive never had it not work at least moderately. its how i got my dad to stop using me as a ranting wall and therapist during the divorce and it worked like a charm

^^^^^^

turn of notifications ur chat for 24 hours.

but also, im wondering what u get out of the friendship? are you only friends with her because you worry what she might do if youre not around, or is there a genuinity in there?

ya idk i do get a lot out of our friendship ? like i do feel like we rly get each other nd understand each other v well nd agree on a lot of things, and we share a lot of interests that i dont really share with anyone else ig, also idk. i have two best friends n we are kind of like a trio so also i'm afraid of messing up that dynamic and

idk man i have a very limited social circle nd there are v few people i can actually stand to spend large amounts of time with nd like. would be rly shitty to lose one of them

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:
love that we agree to take a day off so i can get some shit done and then she still manages to loop me into a long discussion therefore monopolizing my whole morning and afternoon and she will damn sure be mad at me when i say tmrw that i cnat hang out bc i didnt get anything done today

and she'll do the whole "lol thought u couldnt hang out bc u had to be productive" thing and its like ! yeah i did ! but u couldnt not text me for more than 20 min at a time !

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:
anyway i hve a lot of rage and im tired of having to reassure her that we're still good friends n that she's not a bad person bc it's exhausting and means i can never fucking raise an issue with her

Kit
National star

Kit wrote:
she writes me a huge long thing apologizing or whatever nd talking abt her issues n anxieties and i send her a huge long thing back nd she's just like. "sorry idk how to respond yeah idk sorry" and disappears and its like

ok lol

"i dont want u to think u cant raise issues with me that would make me anxious"
me : raises issue
her: " ok idk idk yeah ok sorry bye"