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Isolated wrote:
ok so a few months ago, somewhere near the end of july, i worked in a bar where my friend worked as well (but just for 3 days, they needed someone to help out) another friend of mine and a friend of my co-worker (I'll just call him "that dude" ) came by after we were all done with work and we hanged out together, had a fun time. we sat there until morning and got drunk as hell, I got along with that dude and noticed he was flirting with me, but that was it. after that I slept the whole next day and got a big hungover until the evening and had to work there again. so that dude was there too while I was working. We ended up hanging out with a group of people until the morning and got incredibly drunk again, but I also ended up going home with that dude, having a one-night stand with him.
I the meantime I was kinda seeing someone for a year and a half already. We started out as fuckbuddies, because at that time, we both weren't ready yet for a relationship and we were fine with how things were in the beginning. After 8 months of still knowing each other, we still had not established anything and I went on a date with another guy. It wasn't sitting well with myself so I told him about it and told him that I didn't feel like going out with other guys anymore. he said he felt the same way but then he established we were kinda in an open relationship? Back then I was ok with how things were going between us, so I guess I was ok with being in an open relationship too. But looking back, we were just both in denial and didn't want to commit to each other although we haven't seen anyone either and almost a year flew by after that.
ok so back to my one-night stand, I went home the next day, called him (not the dude) and told him about it. He broke down. I honestly didn't expect his reaction to be like that you know, I thought he would've been more like "oh...ok......." and just be a little disappointed and that would've been it. but we were already getting really close, so I guess I should've known..it was just always in the back of my mind since he already reminded me a few times that we were in an open relationship.
after 4 hours talking on the phone, we came out being in a committed, monogamous, relationship and we were even saying that we loved each other for the first time and I could call him my boyfriend now. lmao since this is all kinda fucked up, he suggested to pick out a date and go out on that day, as to make it official, but also not to establish this whole thing as the cause of our starting relationship.
a week or 2 later he visited me in my parent's home for the first time and it was rough, but I also felt closer to him. I basically cheated on him and he was still having a hard time with it, so I tried to be supportive. he stayed over for a week and short after that, we had our "first" official date. His suggestion is honestly not helping, because I still relate that date to the cheating and it doesn't make sense to me that we've only been together for 3 months now while I know him for 2 years already......
anyway after a month, somewhere in september, I was staying at his place. he was still having a hard time and whenever I did something wrong he would somehow refer it feeling the same way as when I cheated him. And then a week later I broke down because I was ridden with guilt and him hinting some reminders was gnawing at me. I tried my best being there for him, but it's really hard when I know that I'm the one who hurted him in the first place, and I absolutely have no idea how to help him without being emotionally drained myself. We talked about it and after that he never mentioned it again. I guess to spare me his burden.
Fast-forward to my current situation, when I go to his place, I stay there for 2/3 weeks or even longer and I've been doing this since the pandemic. somewhat 2 weeks ago I went home and have also been frustrated with being in his tiny room for so long and frequent and we were basically almost living together. I needed my own space too, so I called him and suggested to move in together next year or so. He agreed to it and we're gonna elaborate on it when we see each other in person. ok so all excited and stuff.
These past 2 weeks he has been really down and also a bit cold and distant towards me over text. I've asked him what's wrong but he said that it was everything and that he didn't want to think about it. Yesterday, in the middle of the night, I sent him a text that I missed him and today I got a long text of why he has been down lately. Besides everything else that has been going on with him, he mentioned that he's still thinking of what happened a few months ago nearly every day and said that it renders him blind with rage and anxiety.
Now I just suggested to move in together but he's still having a lot of difficult feelings of what happened...at this point I don't even know where we stand in our relationship and how it's gonna turn out and if we can move on from this, so let alone moving in together. We haven't talked about breaking up, but I fear whether the damage can be repaired either and that this is going to ruin our whole relationship.. I've talked about going to a relationship therapist with him. he said it was too early and wants to try fixing it ourselves first. but then again, I also suggested that in august, so yeah I guess it was early idk.....
lmao sorry for it to be so long, but it's all so fucked up and I have no idea how or what to do about this situation
ok so a few months ago, somewhere near the end of july, i worked in a bar where my friend worked as well (but just for 3 days, they needed someone to help out) another friend of mine and a friend of my co-worker (I'll just call him "that dude" ) came by after we were all done with work and we hanged out together, had a fun time. we sat there until morning and got drunk as hell, I got along with that dude and noticed he was flirting with me, but that was it. after that I slept the whole next day and got a big hungover until the evening and had to work there again. so that dude was there too while I was working. We ended up hanging out with a group of people until the morning and got incredibly drunk again, but I also ended up going home with that dude, having a one-night stand with him.
I the meantime I was kinda seeing someone for a year and a half already. We started out as fuckbuddies, because at that time, we both weren't ready yet for a relationship and we were fine with how things were in the beginning. After 8 months of still knowing each other, we still had not established anything and I went on a date with another guy. It wasn't sitting well with myself so I told him about it and told him that I didn't feel like going out with other guys anymore. he said he felt the same way but then he established we were kinda in an open relationship? Back then I was ok with how things were going between us, so I guess I was ok with being in an open relationship too. But looking back, we were just both in denial and didn't want to commit to each other although we haven't seen anyone either and almost a year flew by after that.
ok so back to my one-night stand, I went home the next day, called him (not the dude) and told him about it. He broke down. I honestly didn't expect his reaction to be like that you know, I thought he would've been more like "oh...ok......." and just be a little disappointed and that would've been it. but we were already getting really close, so I guess I should've known..it was just always in the back of my mind since he already reminded me a few times that we were in an open relationship.
after 4 hours talking on the phone, we came out being in a committed, monogamous, relationship and we were even saying that we loved each other for the first time and I could call him my boyfriend now. lmao since this is all kinda fucked up, he suggested to pick out a date and go out on that day, as to make it official, but also not to establish this whole thing as the cause of our starting relationship.
a week or 2 later he visited me in my parent's home for the first time and it was rough, but I also felt closer to him. I basically cheated on him and he was still having a hard time with it, so I tried to be supportive. he stayed over for a week and short after that, we had our "first" official date. His suggestion is honestly not helping, because I still relate that date to the cheating and it doesn't make sense to me that we've only been together for 3 months now while I know him for 2 years already......
anyway after a month, somewhere in september, I was staying at his place. he was still having a hard time and whenever I did something wrong he would somehow refer it feeling the same way as when I cheated him. And then a week later I broke down because I was ridden with guilt and him hinting some reminders was gnawing at me. I tried my best being there for him, but it's really hard when I know that I'm the one who hurted him in the first place, and I absolutely have no idea how to help him without being emotionally drained myself. We talked about it and after that he never mentioned it again. I guess to spare me his burden.
Fast-forward to my current situation, when I go to his place, I stay there for 2/3 weeks or even longer and I've been doing this since the pandemic. somewhat 2 weeks ago I went home and have also been frustrated with being in his tiny room for so long and frequent and we were basically almost living together. I needed my own space too, so I called him and suggested to move in together next year or so. He agreed to it and we're gonna elaborate on it when we see each other in person. ok so all excited and stuff.
These past 2 weeks he has been really down and also a bit cold and distant towards me over text. I've asked him what's wrong but he said that it was everything and that he didn't want to think about it. Yesterday, in the middle of the night, I sent him a text that I missed him and today I got a long text of why he has been down lately. Besides everything else that has been going on with him, he mentioned that he's still thinking of what happened a few months ago nearly every day and said that it renders him blind with rage and anxiety.
Now I just suggested to move in together but he's still having a lot of difficult feelings of what happened...at this point I don't even know where we stand in our relationship and how it's gonna turn out and if we can move on from this, so let alone moving in together. We haven't talked about breaking up, but I fear whether the damage can be repaired either and that this is going to ruin our whole relationship.. I've talked about going to a relationship therapist with him. he said it was too early and wants to try fixing it ourselves first. but then again, I also suggested that in august, so yeah I guess it was early idk.....
lmao sorry for it to be so long, but it's all so fucked up and I have no idea how or what to do about this situation
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