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toraix vent chat
Toraix
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toraix wrote:

Hello my name is oscar and i love girls i would even date a girl, marry a girl. BUT IM IN LOVE WITH A MAN RIGHT NOW. bonk bonk big brain
So i still like my ex even tho i broke up with him like 4 months ago very silently and didnt really explain other than that idk i have mentall illness and bdp probably so lets not make your life a living hell because of me and he was so heartbroken that i was like okay now i can just be myself and heal. BUT NO. My dumb little nut brain decided to like him even more when he called me crying multiple times and i just denied being in love with him until now when i saw him the first time in months and i just wanted him to hold me and take my hand BUT he just sat across the room with a mask on and we just talked and he made me laugh and so happy and i realized why i have been so unhappy these past months i broke up with him i-
and i told him and he was like he has tried to get over me and it make me so emotional hear that even when he thinked about it it made him gag
I want him back so badly because i was so happy with him but also i dont want to ruin him and he is obviously skeptical about me since i didnt really explain anything when i broke it off because i didnt even know why okay i just wanted space and i had a bad moodswing but like I am so in love with him right now and i want him back
idk man im a mess
17
Posts: 8558
Date: 24-11-2020 00:15 | Times changed: 1
Toraix
World famous



toraix wrote:
i mean like the thought of the breakup made him gag, but now he doesnt know what to think since he thought that we wouldnt be a thing anymore. and i just cry and my chest feels tight and i want to hold him and him to pet me and just move in with me and love me forever like WHY AM I LIKE THis
like i had a long while that i just did self destructing things but he makes me want to heal and get better for him and i know thats not how love is supposed to work like no one is gonna save you but I JUST WANT HIM HERE LIKE PLEASE he is so cute and sweet and precious i couldnt even think about a single thing that disgusts me like honestly the only minus i would even come up with would be his very sensitive and atopic eczema skin and that i have to be kinda wary about touching it sometimes and he gets bad wounds easily and just scratches them until he bleeds which is kinda saddening and i always had to hide his combs that he doesnt do it
17
Posts: 8558
Date: 24-11-2020 00:22
Toraix
World famous



toraix wrote:
update after almost two years:
we decided to try again a few days after my last post. (my partner uses he/they nowdays and i prefer to use they more so thats what im gonna do.)
after dating for like ~4months, i was kind of scared that id get covid and give it to my dad (who is in the risk group) so i decided to barge in to live with them in their small ass one room apartment for like "2 weeks" which turned into a month, a few months and you get the gist... After living in that cramped hole, basically glued to them 24/7, for 8-9 months we decided to look for a bigger apartment in the same building and luckily we found one?? Now we have lived in this two room apartment for ~6 months. We have our ups and downs and even our honeymoon period is very much over (i think), we still love each other. And I hope that I get to update this thread again in like 2 years and say the same. I think after so many toxic relationships, i can finally give some real relationship advice because of our stable relationship even tho i am still learning to live with myself and them. I also started testosterone 3 months ago and I feel more confident about my identity too. Life is okay and all is well.
17
Posts: 8558
Date: 20-09-2022 16:51
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Cherry wrote:
I didn't realise this thread started in 2020 and was so surprised to see the two year time skip ahaha, but awww so happy for you that things turned out all right! I'm looking forward to seeing the next 2 year time skip
19
Posts: 5228
Date: 20-09-2022 17:25
Toraix
World famous



toraix wrote:
Cherry wrote:
I didn't realise this thread started in 2020 and was so surprised to see the two year time skip ahaha, but awww so happy for you that things turned out all right! I'm looking forward to seeing the next 2 year time skip
It was kind of funny to find this and read how i felt back then... kind of romantic too. I hope that this would be inspiring to someone. I had to gather a lot of courage to confess to them after I had been a fuckface calling them in the middle of the night just to vent and talk whatever. But I'm happy that I had that month of not doing stupid shit before confessing, bc I think that they would have not taken me seriously otherwise.
17
Posts: 8558
Date: 20-09-2022 17:40
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Cherry wrote:
toraix wrote:
Cherry wrote:
I didn't realise this thread started in 2020 and was so surprised to see the two year time skip ahaha, but awww so happy for you that things turned out all right! I'm looking forward to seeing the next 2 year time skip
It was kind of funny to find this and read how i felt back then... kind of romantic too. I hope that this would be inspiring to someone. I had to gather a lot of courage to confess to them after I had been a fuckface calling them in the middle of the night just to vent and talk whatever. But I'm happy that I had that month of not doing stupid shit before confessing, bc I think that they would have not taken me seriously otherwise.
I'm sure this will definitely be inspiring! I'm happy for youuu
19
Posts: 5228
Date: 20-09-2022 18:19
Toraix
World famous



toraix wrote:
Cherry wrote:
toraix wrote:
Cherry wrote:
I didn't realise this thread started in 2020 and was so surprised to see the two year time skip ahaha, but awww so happy for you that things turned out all right! I'm looking forward to seeing the next 2 year time skip
It was kind of funny to find this and read how i felt back then... kind of romantic too. I hope that this would be inspiring to someone. I had to gather a lot of courage to confess to them after I had been a fuckface calling them in the middle of the night just to vent and talk whatever. But I'm happy that I had that month of not doing stupid shit before confessing, bc I think that they would have not taken me seriously otherwise.
I'm sure this will definitely be inspiring! I'm happy for youuu
ty<3 even tho we fight almost everyday, most important thing is not to be bitter or hold grudges over small things that dont really matter. My partner makes me a better person for all the people around me, thats a big cornerstone of my love for them.
17
Posts: 8558
Date: 20-09-2022 20:08
Private
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Cherry wrote:
toraix wrote:
Cherry wrote:
toraix wrote:
It was kind of funny to find this and read how i felt back then... kind of romantic too. I hope that this would be inspiring to someone. I had to gather a lot of courage to confess to them after I had been a fuckface calling them in the middle of the night just to vent and talk whatever. But I'm happy that I had that month of not doing stupid shit before confessing, bc I think that they would have not taken me seriously otherwise.
I'm sure this will definitely be inspiring! I'm happy for youuu
ty<3 even tho we fight almost everyday, most important thing is not to be bitter or hold grudges over small things that dont really matter. My partner makes me a better person for all the people around me, thats a big cornerstone of my love for them.
Aww, that warms my heart to hear ❤️
19
Posts: 5228
Date: 20-09-2022 23:35
Toraix
World famous



toraix wrote:
after half a year update bc i feel like it
still very much in love with them, we got engaged on valentines day. it was the most awkward and embarrassing thing i have experienced in my life bc i suck at being forward. we have this thing that we give gifts always on midnight, on bds, christmas ect and on valentines i was dumb and i didnt get any other gift so i could propose later but idk honestly i didnt know if i had the money bc rings are expensive as hell and i wanted it to be kind of equal to their gift (it was a game and a controller if i remember corretly) so it would have been a mess anyway. anyway back into the thing i guess, i thought that they said on the start of our relationship that after two years it would be ideal to be engaged but i remembered it wrong and it came out of nowhere for them so i was just like "these can be couple rings too but i would like to be you know engaged" and i was so timid i was so scared that it was a bad call but in the end we decided to be engaged?? probably we are not going to marry soon but maybe in a few years? the rings are very cute, i had then engraved with a inside joke and in my handwriting and the date .... also they made super good food and our tarragon plant for it is still alive bc im a good plant dad yey
i realize now that i know very little about myself and that complicates things bc i am bad at communicating but thankfully my friends help

also i had to stop t last year after 3 months and now i have been on it again almost 3 months and my voice is a lot deeper and i have started to grow
a neckbeard which is kind of ugly but im happy

also maybe TW suwerslide and grief?

after i lost my best friend to suwerslide this january my fiancee has really helped me solidify my plans on life i guess. also my biological mom died during march and that is still a mess but i cope a lot better now. i am on my meds and they help a lot. i also started therapy with a very nice old lady as my therapist who reminds me of my late grandma. life really is all over the place and probably will get a lot more hectic once i try going back to school.
17
Posts: 8558
Date: 27-05-2023 19:41
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