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Rouya wrote:
im just gonna vent a little here dont mind me
anyway so ive always had a good relationship with my mum, but the older i got, the more we started getting into fights over miscommunications and such, and it was really bad the past few years before i finally moved out last year. and after moving out i feel so much better, our relationship has improved, my mental health improved, i got new and better friendships, new boyfriend who's helped me grow loooads and started seeing a therapist two months ago. and now im home with my mum for the holidays and im losing my shit. it is just so apparent how i have grown and changed and she hasnt, she's still stuck, and i absorb her anxiety and get sucked down into the lonely anxiety hole she has been in for the past idk million years. and we've talked about it. i've told her about it. it just falls on deaf ears. like she says she understands and then she'll say some shit that just proves she doesnt understand at all, like she will guilt trip me by saying shit like "ok so i just cant comment on anything you say or do anymore even if it hurts me?" when i said that she hounded me over the smallest things and i asked her like do you seriously SERIOUSLY think that is what i meant and she said yes, and then i said well then you clearly didnt understand what i said and it just keeps going in circles like that. im so sick of it, i cant be here.
the DILEMMA though is that im not free of this bc i have my bunny at my mums house whom i LOOOVE and he's 8 years old and sick and wont be here much longer, but we dont know how much time we have left with him, so i want to go home whenever i can. however i live 5 hours away so when i go home it has to be for extended periods of time, and then i go long periods of time where i am not home. ive planned to write my 2 week exam at the start of january at my mums house to reduce distractions, bc she will cook meals for me and that way i can just focus solely on the writing bc i got that adhd distractions probs you know what im talking about
but yeah im just. dreading having to spend 2 straight weeks with my mum, just us and our sick, dying bunny. idk what more to do to try and fix this. when my bunny is no longer with us, i will be free and wont go home as much and just live my adult life and we'll talk on the phone, which works better. but until then it's just :/
if you read all this, thanks
im just gonna vent a little here dont mind me
anyway so ive always had a good relationship with my mum, but the older i got, the more we started getting into fights over miscommunications and such, and it was really bad the past few years before i finally moved out last year. and after moving out i feel so much better, our relationship has improved, my mental health improved, i got new and better friendships, new boyfriend who's helped me grow loooads and started seeing a therapist two months ago. and now im home with my mum for the holidays and im losing my shit. it is just so apparent how i have grown and changed and she hasnt, she's still stuck, and i absorb her anxiety and get sucked down into the lonely anxiety hole she has been in for the past idk million years. and we've talked about it. i've told her about it. it just falls on deaf ears. like she says she understands and then she'll say some shit that just proves she doesnt understand at all, like she will guilt trip me by saying shit like "ok so i just cant comment on anything you say or do anymore even if it hurts me?" when i said that she hounded me over the smallest things and i asked her like do you seriously SERIOUSLY think that is what i meant and she said yes, and then i said well then you clearly didnt understand what i said and it just keeps going in circles like that. im so sick of it, i cant be here.
the DILEMMA though is that im not free of this bc i have my bunny at my mums house whom i LOOOVE and he's 8 years old and sick and wont be here much longer, but we dont know how much time we have left with him, so i want to go home whenever i can. however i live 5 hours away so when i go home it has to be for extended periods of time, and then i go long periods of time where i am not home. ive planned to write my 2 week exam at the start of january at my mums house to reduce distractions, bc she will cook meals for me and that way i can just focus solely on the writing bc i got that adhd distractions probs you know what im talking about
but yeah im just. dreading having to spend 2 straight weeks with my mum, just us and our sick, dying bunny. idk what more to do to try and fix this. when my bunny is no longer with us, i will be free and wont go home as much and just live my adult life and we'll talk on the phone, which works better. but until then it's just :/
if you read all this, thanks
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