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do you think it's dishonest to
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
apologise in case your actions made the other person feel bad when you have no way to know what it was that  made them suddenly clam up completely? like i get the point that if you keep saying you're sorry for everything, even when you're not sure what you're apologising for, it seems like you never actually take responsibility for your mistakes. in my opinion that was not at all what i did, like i was actually trying to take responsibility for potentially doing something insensitive without even realising it, and then got yelled at for not being trustworthy. i'd love to have some perspective on this from the outside because i'm completely confused and feeling pretty mistreated but can't view this objectively so i might be completely in the wrong here too.
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 07-01-2021 00:31
Pavlov
International Star



Pavlov wrote:
what do u mean with trustworthy
15
Posts: 29813
Date: 07-01-2021 00:46
Private
World Famous



Claire wrote:
i don't get it. this is to vague to make a judgment about.
21
Posts: 55690
Date: 07-01-2021 00:47
Account deleted




wrote:
Claire wrote:
i don't get it. this is to vague to make a judgment about.
Date: 07-01-2021 00:54
Private
International Star



wug wrote:
It's dishonest apologising if you don't mean it. If you don't regret your actions there's no point in apologising. A fake apology is worthless. 
19
Posts: 108086
Date: 07-01-2021 01:02
Rin28x
Youtube Star



rin28x wrote:
what
14
Posts: 311
Date: 07-01-2021 01:03
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 07-01-2021 01:09
Kalypso
International Star



kalypso wrote:
hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
hm idk, but saying that sounds more like you are putting it on them, and not yourself if that makes sense?
18
Posts: 20203
Date: 07-01-2021 01:11
Kalypso
International Star



kalypso wrote:
kalypso wrote:
hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
hm idk, but saying that sounds more like you are putting it on them, and not yourself if that makes sense?
I dont know how to explain it, but when you say to someone 'im sorry i did something that made YOU feel like this', you are not really saying sorry for your actions, but saying sorry for that your actions made the person sad. You are not really admitting that u did something wrong, but that it's on them that they are sad. 
I definitely dont think that was ur intention at all tho, because this is how a lot of people apologize, but that is maybe what made the person frustrated.
either way I dont think it's okay to be mad at someone and then not tell them what their problem is.
18
Posts: 20203
Date: 07-01-2021 01:20 | Times changed: 1
Private
International Star



wug wrote:
hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
"I'm sorry you're a weak cunt who can't handle other people" same energy 
19
Posts: 108086
Date: 07-01-2021 01:21
Kalypso
International Star



kalypso wrote:
Snusmumrikken wrote:
hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
"I'm sorry you're a weak cunt who can't handle other people" same energy 
lol u always have no chill, but yes, was what I was trying to explain
18
Posts: 20203
Date: 07-01-2021 01:27
Private
International Star



wug wrote:
kalypso wrote:
Snusmumrikken wrote:
hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
"I'm sorry you're a weak cunt who can't handle other people" same energy 
lol u always have no chill, but yes, was what I was trying to explain
i'm chill all the time 
19
Posts: 108086
Date: 07-01-2021 01:28
Kalypso
International Star



kalypso wrote:
Snusmumrikken wrote:
kalypso wrote:
Snusmumrikken wrote:
"I'm sorry you're a weak cunt who can't handle other people" same energy 
lol u always have no chill, but yes, was what I was trying to explain
i'm chill all the time 
if u say so 
18
Posts: 20203
Date: 07-01-2021 01:28
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
kalypso wrote:
kalypso wrote:
hutsu wrote:
is it dishonest to say "i'm sorry if something i did made you feel like this?" when the other person suddenly became unable to communicate because they were trying to calm down?

i hope this clears up my point
hm idk, but saying that sounds more like you are putting it on them, and not yourself if that makes sense?
I dont know how to explain it, but when you say to someone 'im sorry i did something that made YOU feel like this', you are not really saying sorry for your actions, but saying sorry for that your actions made the person sad. You are not really admitting that u did something wrong, but that it's on them that they are sad. 
I definitely dont think that was ur intention at all tho, because this is how a lot of people apologize, but that is maybe what made the person frustrated.
either way I dont think it's okay to be mad at someone and then not tell them what their problem is.
i really appreciate you writing this because it actually clears this up for me a lot better. or at least i suppose this is something similar to what goes on in his head too. he's never been able to pinpoint the thought process in a way i'd actually be able to get a grasp of what exactly feels, but i think the way you explained it kinda opened the whole thing for me. 

like i'm not claiming that i'm not being an asshole here, and though replies like snus's might be accurate they don't help me see the reasoning. and i find it incredibly difficult (and somewhat pointless)to change something in myself if i don't understand what the problem is. and like you said i never ever wanted to imply any of the things you pointed out. conclusion: i was kinda being a dick but it wasn't intentional
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 07-01-2021 02:10
Kalypso
International Star



kalypso wrote:
hutsu wrote:
kalypso wrote:
kalypso wrote:
hm idk, but saying that sounds more like you are putting it on them, and not yourself if that makes sense?
I dont know how to explain it, but when you say to someone 'im sorry i did something that made YOU feel like this', you are not really saying sorry for your actions, but saying sorry for that your actions made the person sad. You are not really admitting that u did something wrong, but that it's on them that they are sad. 
I definitely dont think that was ur intention at all tho, because this is how a lot of people apologize, but that is maybe what made the person frustrated.
either way I dont think it's okay to be mad at someone and then not tell them what their problem is.
i really appreciate you writing this because it actually clears this up for me a lot better. or at least i suppose this is something similar to what goes on in his head too. he's never been able to pinpoint the thought process in a way i'd actually be able to get a grasp of what exactly feels, but i think the way you explained it kinda opened the whole thing for me. 

like i'm not claiming that i'm not being an asshole here, and though replies like snus's might be accurate they don't help me see the reasoning. and i find it incredibly difficult (and somewhat pointless)to change something in myself if i don't understand what the problem is. and like you said i never ever wanted to imply any of the things you pointed out. conclusion: i was kinda being a dick but it wasn't intentional
exactly!
and even if it doesn't go through someone head, I definitely think it subconsciously does. but again, it's still unfair of the person to be mad at you and not tell you why 
18
Posts: 20203
Date: 07-01-2021 02:19
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