wrote:
I've come to the point where I don't think about it a lot. But every now and then.... I hear a song, I read a name, I remember a joke I know they'd like, and so on. It brings back memories, and I can feel my fists clench and my heart sinks. Stuff like that. I don't think I'll ever forget, I don't want to either. I used to want to forget, but how can I want to forget someone I loved so much? All the pain, crying, and misery aside, he's the most wonderful person I've ever met. Once in a lifetime to know someone you click with that much. Sometimes I wonder, maybe I one day we will randomly pass each other on the street. Would we say hi or simply just look at each other, and go on with whatever we were doing? Would we even recognize each other? I think at least I would.
It's soon his birthday. I'm someone who loves birthdays just like a little child does, and his birthday is the only birthday I've loved as much as my own. Like my birthday is serious shit for me because it's the one day a year in my childhood where things were about me and I didn't feel alone. It's why I cherish that day so much.
If him and I were still in touch, I'd sent him a present by now. Something I think he'd like, with a cute card. Waiting excitngly for his reaction, hoping he will like it as much as I do. Making him happy is what I want.
I don't regret cutting contact, though sometimes I think I do. It's compilcated. I feel like I did the right thing or else I wouldn't been able to handle anything. It was what was bound to happen at some point. What hurts the most is that it happened in the first place. Life can be so unfair, it's insane.
Whatever he is doing, I hope he's fine. I hope he forgets me despite me never forgetting him.
Never do I want to speak with him again but these are one of those moments I can think about it with fondness.
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