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everything is falling apart and i'm miserable
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
i put up with his shit all day, i gave him from my adhd meds because he didn't have his own and he promised to clean but he played ps for 10+ hours instead. he promised to make me breakfast, i waited like 2 hours before i did it myself. i emptied the dishwasher and he made some nasty comments and raised his voice to me and then justified not cleaning anything with me yelling back at him for like 10 seconds. after getting him to very reluctantly to close his game he promised to prep food with me = put frozen items in the oven, boil eggs, peel them and put the food together. he boiled the water. i waited all day for us to watch something together but he doesn't apparently want to anymore because i'm being a bitch. i just fucking lost it for a minute and screamed that i hate him and slammed the bedroom door after noticing that he changed the viaplay accounts password again so that i couldn't watch the movie alone either

i feel bad about yelling and slamming the door but hearing him say that because we're not in a relationship anymore he doesn't need to do anything for or with me anymore just. i can't deal with this shit anymore i'm losing my mind trying to blend into the wall to keep him off my back. i just wanted to eat and watch a movie and that's an impossible goal apparently. now i'm just crying in the bedroom, i left my plate in the living room because i just wanted to get away from him and i'm hungry but i really don't want to face him. i hate listening to him play his guitar and sing like nothing just happened. i hate his guts atm
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 24-02-2021 00:36
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
i know that i should just go but it's almost 2am and i can't call my mom to pick me up at this hour. i really try my best to make everything work so that i didn't have to leave, i hate running away from my own home but he's honestly being insufferable. he says that he has no problem with me unless i abuse him and honestly i can't wrap my head around how i've been abusive today. i don't know what to do with myself right now 
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 24-02-2021 00:43
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
i went to get some things from the living room and he asked me if i'm ready with my fretting. i feel gross about him. no need to apologise for anything 

i'm gonna keep this thread here bc i'll need to get back to it when i get some distance and start missing him
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 24-02-2021 01:04
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
So he took your meds (stimulants, I presume?) and then can't do you the basic courtesy of doing normal roommate chores in the time you're stuck together?
What a tool.
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 24-02-2021 01:14
Six
Karaoke Star



Six wrote:
gonna be honest it's good u guys broke up
but also if you're not in a relationship anymore you guys dont have to cook together, don't have to clean anything together, etc.
like there should be house rules but the dynamic between roommates is completely different than the dynamic between spouses living together
8
Posts: 2137
Date: 24-02-2021 01:16
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
hutsu wrote:
i know that i should just go but it's almost 2am and i can't call my mom to pick me up at this hour. i really try my best to make everything work so that i didn't have to leave, i hate running away from my own home but he's honestly being insufferable. he says that he has no problem with me unless i abuse him and honestly i can't wrap my head around how i've been abusive today. i don't know what to do with myself right now 
I'm sure your mom would rather you feel safe, and who knows, she may have been through this herself at some point.  Do what will make you feel safe.

Sometimes when you get some time and distance away from a breakup you can see things you may have done that weren't okay, whether you meant them to be or not (BIG SOMETIMES, THO!)
- but, that doesn't excuse the other persons reaction and behavior.  
Abusive people like to try and shift blame onto everyone else for sure.
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 24-02-2021 01:17
Six
Karaoke Star



Six wrote:
u guys need to stop living together it sounds like.  also i hate being the one saying he's right about not being in a relationship so he doesnt have to do the same things (because he's acting like an asshole it sounds like) ... so maybe stop giving him ur medication, just treat him like a roommate and just don't be in each other's hair.  clean ur dishes, separate cleanign responsibilities, etc.  and if he doesn't wanna watch anything anymore with u because ur yellin at him or nagging at him, he aint ur bf anymore, he's just ur roomie.
8
Posts: 2137
Date: 24-02-2021 01:17
Six
Karaoke Star



Six wrote:
BrainFilth wrote:
hutsu wrote:
i know that i should just go but it's almost 2am and i can't call my mom to pick me up at this hour. i really try my best to make everything work so that i didn't have to leave, i hate running away from my own home but he's honestly being insufferable. he says that he has no problem with me unless i abuse him and honestly i can't wrap my head around how i've been abusive today. i don't know what to do with myself right now 
I'm sure your mom would rather you feel safe, and who knows, she may have been through this herself at some point.  Do what will make you feel safe.

Sometimes when you get some time and distance away from a breakup you can see things you may have done that weren't okay, whether you meant them to be or not (BIG SOMETIMES, THO!)
- but, that doesn't excuse the other persons reaction and behavior.  
Abusive people like to try and shift blame onto everyone else for sure.
ya i think u should call ur mom to come pick u up regardless of the time it is right now
i am sure she wouldnt want you feeling unsafe or like this!
8
Posts: 2137
Date: 24-02-2021 01:18
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
Six wrote:
u guys need to stop living together it sounds like.  also i hate being the one saying he's right about not being in a relationship so he doesnt have to do the same things (because he's acting like an asshole it sounds like) ... so maybe stop giving him ur medication, just treat him like a roommate and just don't be in each other's hair.  clean ur dishes, separate cleanign responsibilities, etc.  and if he doesn't wanna watch anything anymore with u because ur yellin at him or nagging at him, he aint ur bf anymore, he's just ur roomie.
Its a really hard transition, having to live with someone after a breakup
its hard to re adjust your mind and boundaries and it takes kindness and patience, something he clearly doesn't have.

best to get out and make a clean break of it if you can
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 24-02-2021 01:23
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
How much did he take lol 

Sounds like erratic tweaker shit, stop giving him your meds
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 24-02-2021 01:25
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
Six wrote:
gonna be honest it's good u guys broke up
but also if you're not in a relationship anymore you guys dont have to cook together, don't have to clean anything together, etc.
like there should be house rules but the dynamic between roommates is completely different than the dynamic between spouses living together
i get that he doesn't have to do anything with me, but the thing is he's pretty much incapable of navigating basic chores alone atm and i've tried to get him to do things with me because that's the only chance i have to get him to actually do something......... 

and yes we're moving apart, we cancelled our lease yesterday and we still have the flat for a month. i'd like to be able to actually like here for the time that i pay rent for but idk man it's difficult living with someone who's blaming everything on me 
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 24-02-2021 01:25
Hutsu
National Star



hutsu wrote:
Anachronism wrote:
How much did he take lol 

Sounds like erratic tweaker shit, stop giving him your meds
70mg dextroamphetamine
and yes i know it's illegal and immoral to give him my meds but at least he has prescription for the stuff too. i only gave it to him because the place is in horrible shape and he promised to clean up. gotta stop believing him in anything he says now apparently because he's just lying through his teeth to get what he wants. making a mental note
13
Posts: 2313
Date: 24-02-2021 01:29
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
Anachronism wrote:
How much did he take lol 

Sounds like erratic tweaker shit, stop giving him your meds
I love that we can always count on you to call out some tweaker shit lol
we all need it from time to time 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 24-02-2021 01:30
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
hutsu wrote:
Six wrote:
gonna be honest it's good u guys broke up
but also if you're not in a relationship anymore you guys dont have to cook together, don't have to clean anything together, etc.
like there should be house rules but the dynamic between roommates is completely different than the dynamic between spouses living together
i get that he doesn't have to do anything with me, but the thing is he's pretty much incapable of navigating basic chores alone atm and i've tried to get him to do things with me because that's the only chance i have to get him to actually do something......... 

and yes we're moving apart, we cancelled our lease yesterday and we still have the flat for a month. i'd like to be able to actually like here for the time that i pay rent for but idk man it's difficult living with someone who's blaming everything on me 
Duuuude this all sounds so familiar.
Thing is once he doesn't have a little housemaid, suddenly he'll know how to cook and clean and take care of himself. 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 24-02-2021 01:31
Six
Karaoke Star



Six wrote:
i bet it's difficult, this is a situation i have never been put in.  i'm really glad you were able to cancel the lease.  i'd say to maybe start moving your stuff to whatever new place you are going ... be it your moms or a friends .. and maybe just start spending nights elsewhere, etc.  

at least it's just a month longer and not a few.
so for now i'd just say talk to him while you're calm and divide up the chores for the month
and don't even bother with him for meal prep or food ... just cook for yourself, clean up after yourself

and most of all dont give him any medication

guys will break up with ya and then they'll still want you to treat them JUST like you did when you were dating
8
Posts: 2137
Date: 24-02-2021 01:31
Six
Karaoke Star



Six wrote:
YUP cece
all men want is a nurse or a purse!
8
Posts: 2137
Date: 24-02-2021 01:31
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