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Forced to go full introspective yet again and in need to rant
I was never ready for it because all my emotions wanted to go out of me, and I wanted them to stay there and not come back in. Was really too much for me to handle. I've always been very emotional and sensitive but I never meant for it to be that damaging. No amount of outburst, tears and rage gave me any type of peace and contentment, as in, I never felt any lighter afterwards. I was no matter what heavy with the sads. Fuel guilt and more self-hatred. I was so aware, and I still am so aware, how everything happened but incapable of doing something about it, it's such a debilitating feeling. It was a lonely existence and still is. Triggering the worst in each other, mirroring. I'm so sorry but I had to. Was too painful for me and you know why.
I might have grown, healed some, but it's still a loss I can never forget
Why am I up at 4 AM crying so much my eyes are sore acting like I'm speaking to someone you might wonder
First of all I'm out of melatonin pills and second of all *insert emotional garbage*
Forced to go full introspective yet again and in need to rant
I was never ready for it because all my emotions wanted to go out of me, and I wanted them to stay there and not come back in. Was really too much for me to handle. I've always been very emotional and sensitive but I never meant for it to be that damaging. No amount of outburst, tears and rage gave me any type of peace and contentment, as in, I never felt any lighter afterwards. I was no matter what heavy with the sads. Fuel guilt and more self-hatred. I was so aware, and I still am so aware, how everything happened but incapable of doing something about it, it's such a debilitating feeling. It was a lonely existence and still is. Triggering the worst in each other, mirroring. I'm so sorry but I had to. Was too painful for me and you know why.
I might have grown, healed some, but it's still a loss I can never forget
Why am I up at 4 AM crying so much my eyes are sore acting like I'm speaking to someone you might wonder
First of all I'm out of melatonin pills and second of all *insert emotional garbage*
