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question for the theys/gays
Private
International Star



Ataraxia wrote:
im asking respectfully, no hate or discrimination intended. just curiosity.

so ive been browsing tiktok, as one does. and ive seen several people identifying as non-binary calling themselves Lesbians .. and im very confused because i thought non bonary meant like a different gender from man and woman. like theyre neither of them. and i also thought lesbian meant a woman atracked to other women. so how does that work?

im just very confused. can someone explain?
19
Posts: 4820
Date: 14-03-2021 04:55
Bimbo
Popstar



Bimbo wrote:
I'm guessing they mean that they're attracted to women and they themselves were afab? That's the only thing I can think of idk
19
Posts: 19216
Date: 14-03-2021 05:16
Pavlov
International Star



Pavlov wrote:
anything goes at this point and refusing it is considered somethingphobic
15
Posts: 29813
Date: 14-03-2021 05:17
Private
Youtube Star



Limbs wrote:
i don't know
i'm guessing maybe their gender identity is closely enough aligned with womanhood that lesbian feels like the right identity for them? but i'm not a lesbian and i don't know what nb lesbians' experiences are like so i really don't know. im sure everyone has their own reasons n i don't think it's my job to scrutinize how they identify. but nonbinary isn't 1 single gender identity it's an umbrella label for everything that falls outside strictly man and strictly woman so there's lots of different experiences inside that label
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 14-03-2021 06:02
Urination
National Star



Urination wrote:
Pavlov wrote:
anything goes at this point and refusing it is considered somethingphobic
AS A SOMETHING I AM OFFENDED.
12
Posts: 148
Date: 14-03-2021 06:09
Private
National Star



GvcciGoddess wrote:
I guess its just the easiest term to use if ur a biological female that identifies as non binary 
18
Posts: 5877
Date: 14-03-2021 10:33
Private
Popstar



autism wrote:
i'm a non binary lesbian because i am non binary and identify as lesbian. It has nothing to do with my or somebody else's genitals. Gender nonconforming, and he/him lesbians have existed for a long time and some lesbians feel that lesbianism itself affects their gender identity. 
19
Posts: 44004
Date: 14-03-2021 10:52 | Times changed: 2
Account deleted




wrote:
Pavlov wrote:
anything goes at this point and refusing it is considered somethingphobic
literally
nothing means anything anymore
Date: 14-03-2021 11:07
Kit
National Star



Kit wrote:
yeah idk turns out both gender and sexuality labels are a lot more fluid and open than we like to think ! its simply that some nonbinary people are also lesbians .... my younger sister is a nonbinary lesbian n it's just that they're ? trans / nonbinary / genderqueer / genderfluid / not cis / whatever you want to call it and attracted to women & nonbinary people & identify w lesbian communities, self description & labels, etc. my sister happens to be afab & tends to be read socially as a woman but that doesn't apply to all nb lesbians ofc

sometimes (most of the time tbh) gender & sexuality & attraction are more nuanced & complicated than our limited vocabulary can express, & moreover i don't think we will ever be able to arrive at a complete & closed definition of any given sexuality bc meaning is negotiated socially, not god-given thru dictionaries
19
Posts: 12912
Date: 14-03-2021 11:16 | Times changed: 1
Private
Popstar



ouch wrote:
I would understadn if u look like a woman n u call urself a lesbian, but if u don't, I kinda don't see the point if the point isn't vagina+vagina 
16
Posts: 95528
Date: 14-03-2021 11:24
Kit
National Star



Kit wrote:
ouch wrote:
I would understadn if u look like a woman n u call urself a lesbian, but if u don't, I kinda don't see the point if the point isn't vagina+vagina 
i see ur point bt like also . not all lesbians have vaginas 
19
Posts: 12912
Date: 14-03-2021 11:28
Private
Popstar



ouch wrote:
Kit wrote:
ouch wrote:
I would understadn if u look like a woman n u call urself a lesbian, but if u don't, I kinda don't see the point if the point isn't vagina+vagina 
i see ur point bt like also . not all lesbians have vaginas 
Yes but what even is a lesbian at that point, a cis dude could call himself a lesbian from some definitions on here 
16
Posts: 95528
Date: 14-03-2021 11:29
Private
Popstar



ouch wrote:
ouch wrote:
Kit wrote:
ouch wrote:
I would understadn if u look like a woman n u call urself a lesbian, but if u don't, I kinda don't see the point if the point isn't vagina+vagina 
i see ur point bt like also . not all lesbians have vaginas 
Yes but what even is a lesbian at that point, a cis dude could call himself a lesbian from some definitions on here 
If he said he was non binary but still looked like the same cis dude he has always been, could he call himself a lesbian if he likes women ?? Like nothing has any meaning any more n I just 🙂
16
Posts: 95528
Date: 14-03-2021 11:30
Account deleted




wrote:
ouch wrote:
Kit wrote:
ouch wrote:
I would understadn if u look like a woman n u call urself a lesbian, but if u don't, I kinda don't see the point if the point isn't vagina+vagina 
i see ur point bt like also . not all lesbians have vaginas 
Yes but what even is a lesbian at that point, a cis dude could call himself a lesbian from some definitions on here 
and some even do. 
biological sex isn't the same as gender identities. lol.
Date: 14-03-2021 11:35
Kit
National Star



Kit wrote:
ouch wrote:
ouch wrote:
Kit wrote:
i see ur point bt like also . not all lesbians have vaginas 
Yes but what even is a lesbian at that point, a cis dude could call himself a lesbian from some definitions on here 
If he said he was non binary but still looked like the same cis dude he has always been, could he call himself a lesbian if he likes women ?? Like nothing has any meaning any more n I just 🙂
this feels a lil bit like the "if we let trans women into womens bathrooms cis men will dress up as women to assault them" argument. while yea theoretically that could happen it seems ? unlikely ? and they could still do that even if we did start policing people's genitals & deciding nonbinary lesbians weren't "allowed" or "real" and all that idk

personally the harm i think i could do by questioning / excluding / invalidating nonbinary lesbians of any sex is worse than the harm of a cis man calling himself a lesbian ? & cis men already do that like... idk if that still happens since i dont talk to a lot of cis straight men these days but when i was first coming out i got so many men around me joking that "lol i'm a lesbian too then because i like women too!"


but also to clarify: a nonbinary person can look "like the same cis dude" and still be nonbinary because nonbinary =/= androgyny? and gender identity is different from expression, & while you can often guess, you can never know someone's gender identity based on their presentation
19
Posts: 12912
Date: 14-03-2021 11:35 | Times changed: 2
Private
Popstar



ouch wrote:
Kit wrote:
ouch wrote:
ouch wrote:
Yes but what even is a lesbian at that point, a cis dude could call himself a lesbian from some definitions on here 
If he said he was non binary but still looked like the same cis dude he has always been, could he call himself a lesbian if he likes women ?? Like nothing has any meaning any more n I just 🙂
this feels a lil bit like the "if we let trans women into womens bathrooms cis men will dress up as women to assault them" argument. while yea theoretically that could happen it seems ? unlikely ? and they could still do that even if we did start policing people's genitals & deciding nonbinary lesbians weren't "allowed" or "real" and all that idk

personally the harm i think i could do by questioning / excluding / invalidating nonbinary lesbians of any sex is worse than the harm of a cis man calling himself a lesbian ? & cis men already do that like... idk if that still happens since i dont talk to a lot of cis straight men these days but when i was first coming out i got so many men around me joking that "lol i'm a lesbian too then because i like women too!"
Yes I just rlly don't get the point of calling urself a lesbian, at least if ur nor female passing at all 
16
Posts: 95528
Date: 14-03-2021 11:39
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