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Helper
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A story on how god continued to torture me
Bloodflowers
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tw?
 
I had my religious awakening during the summer. It was unlike anything I’d experienced. And then my friend cried and it wasn’t as fun.
 
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In the city in the church in the room to the right there is a book you can write in. Write something to god or to the church. If you go back to fall it says “Don’t tell me to punch people”. I went back to see if I had actually written in it when I was there with a friend and he didn’t believe I wrote it.
 
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I had broken up with god. I was invested in other things. The clock had stopped at 18:52 and I wanted to know why. I ended up in the city I grew up in. Even went to church to mock him and tell him there was nothing there that scared me anymore and in return he mocked me. The time was 18:52. When the church bells started ringing all I hear was laughing and I was so angry he was telling the entire city he had tricked me again. Everyone was looking at me, as if I was causing a scene.
 
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In the schoolyard we were looking for someone. He kept shouting “stop” and no matter where we went he kept teleporting. I first heard him when I saw the hare and I always see them it should be a red flag by now. Me and my friend gave up. He turned off the flashlight and we continued our walk. We passed a small church and I heard something in the graveyard. My friend said “I’m not going in there”. I told him to just listen. “Do you hear the church bells?” I asked and he said “I don’t want to be here”.
 
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I’m waiting for someone by the statue every day after work. He will show up eventually and he will show me what to do. He treats his bipolar disorder using religion. He never showed up.
 
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I’m in his living room and he turns on a movie about vampires. It’s disgusting. We are drinking red wine but I have barely touched mine and he keeps doing shots. He asks me if I’m cold and wants him to close the window but he doesn’t know I’m listening to the man outside repeating “The blood. In the glass.”. He closes the window and it gets very quiet. I ask him if he’s religious and I feel like I’m looking right through him. He says yes but he wants to know why I ask.
 
I’m in the kitchen and I’m looking for a knife. He’s freaking out calling my friend. I do not want to do this but I want to know what would happen if I did. I’m getting irritated because I’m trying to explain to him the reason and he doesn’t understand.
 
I’m in the bathroom and the door is locked. He opens it with a pocked knife. I say your scissor is no good it barely penetrates the skin. He’s showing me his self harm scars. I say nonono you don’t get it I just need the blood and there’s no blood.

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I was told that if they're real friends they will understand it's not me but it's still me and I can't escape from all responsibilities. My real friends never question why anymore because they know I don't fucking know. Wish things were different / Hope it someday brings me something positive
Private
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All this just cus bipolar 
Bloodflowers
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ouch wrote:
All this just cus bipolar 
Ikr wish i got the fun mania instead of the psychotic mania lmao
Private
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Bloodflowers wrote:
ouch wrote:
All this just cus bipolar 
Ikr wish i got the fun mania instead of the psychotic mania lmao
Yyeah yeah
Bloodflowers
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at least there's no tattoo
Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:
at least there's no tattoo
or fb post
Bloodflowers
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I still have a cross in my medication drawer thinking of some day wearing it ironically
Bloodflowers
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its always so quiet when people cant relate but i spent time writing it who else am i supposed to talk to my friends doesnt want to know anymore
Bloodflowers
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A journal entry that says "I recieved the information from outside the window. The red wine. But x freaked out so I couldn't do what I was supposed to do. He called y and forced her to come. Fucking idiot. Then he appariently was supposed to meet z. y is acting strange."
Bloodflowers
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make one about the police and we'd be here all week
Bloodflowers
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When my friend is fake praying i bring out the cross necklace and its suddenly not as funny anymore 
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