Bloodflowers wrote:
tw?
I had my religious awakening during the summer. It was unlike anything I’d experienced. And then my friend cried and it wasn’t as fun.
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In the city in the church in the room to the right there is a book you can write in. Write something to god or to the church. If you go back to fall it says “Don’t tell me to punch people”. I went back to see if I had actually written in it when I was there with a friend and he didn’t believe I wrote it.
//
I had broken up with god. I was invested in other things. The clock had stopped at 18:52 and I wanted to know why. I ended up in the city I grew up in. Even went to church to mock him and tell him there was nothing there that scared me anymore and in return he mocked me. The time was 18:52. When the church bells started ringing all I hear was laughing and I was so angry he was telling the entire city he had tricked me again. Everyone was looking at me, as if I was causing a scene.
//
In the schoolyard we were looking for someone. He kept shouting “stop” and no matter where we went he kept teleporting. I first heard him when I saw the hare and I always see them it should be a red flag by now. Me and my friend gave up. He turned off the flashlight and we continued our walk. We passed a small church and I heard something in the graveyard. My friend said “I’m not going in there”. I told him to just listen. “Do you hear the church bells?” I asked and he said “I don’t want to be here”.
//
I’m waiting for someone by the statue every day after work. He will show up eventually and he will show me what to do. He treats his bipolar disorder using religion. He never showed up.
//
I’m in his living room and he turns on a movie about vampires. It’s disgusting. We are drinking red wine but I have barely touched mine and he keeps doing shots. He asks me if I’m cold and wants him to close the window but he doesn’t know I’m listening to the man outside repeating “The blood. In the glass.”. He closes the window and it gets very quiet. I ask him if he’s religious and I feel like I’m looking right through him. He says yes but he wants to know why I ask.
I’m in the kitchen and I’m looking for a knife. He’s freaking out calling my friend. I do not want to do this but I want to know what would happen if I did. I’m getting irritated because I’m trying to explain to him the reason and he doesn’t understand.
I’m in the bathroom and the door is locked. He opens it with a pocked knife. I say your scissor is no good it barely penetrates the skin. He’s showing me his self harm scars. I say nonono you don’t get it I just need the blood and there’s no blood.
___________________________________
I was told that if they're real friends they will understand it's not me but it's still me and I can't escape from all responsibilities. My real friends never question why anymore because they know I don't fucking know. Wish things were different / Hope it someday brings me something positive
tw?
I had my religious awakening during the summer. It was unlike anything I’d experienced. And then my friend cried and it wasn’t as fun.
//
In the city in the church in the room to the right there is a book you can write in. Write something to god or to the church. If you go back to fall it says “Don’t tell me to punch people”. I went back to see if I had actually written in it when I was there with a friend and he didn’t believe I wrote it.
//
I had broken up with god. I was invested in other things. The clock had stopped at 18:52 and I wanted to know why. I ended up in the city I grew up in. Even went to church to mock him and tell him there was nothing there that scared me anymore and in return he mocked me. The time was 18:52. When the church bells started ringing all I hear was laughing and I was so angry he was telling the entire city he had tricked me again. Everyone was looking at me, as if I was causing a scene.
//
In the schoolyard we were looking for someone. He kept shouting “stop” and no matter where we went he kept teleporting. I first heard him when I saw the hare and I always see them it should be a red flag by now. Me and my friend gave up. He turned off the flashlight and we continued our walk. We passed a small church and I heard something in the graveyard. My friend said “I’m not going in there”. I told him to just listen. “Do you hear the church bells?” I asked and he said “I don’t want to be here”.
//
I’m waiting for someone by the statue every day after work. He will show up eventually and he will show me what to do. He treats his bipolar disorder using religion. He never showed up.
//
I’m in his living room and he turns on a movie about vampires. It’s disgusting. We are drinking red wine but I have barely touched mine and he keeps doing shots. He asks me if I’m cold and wants him to close the window but he doesn’t know I’m listening to the man outside repeating “The blood. In the glass.”. He closes the window and it gets very quiet. I ask him if he’s religious and I feel like I’m looking right through him. He says yes but he wants to know why I ask.
I’m in the kitchen and I’m looking for a knife. He’s freaking out calling my friend. I do not want to do this but I want to know what would happen if I did. I’m getting irritated because I’m trying to explain to him the reason and he doesn’t understand.
I’m in the bathroom and the door is locked. He opens it with a pocked knife. I say your scissor is no good it barely penetrates the skin. He’s showing me his self harm scars. I say nonono you don’t get it I just need the blood and there’s no blood.
___________________________________
I was told that if they're real friends they will understand it's not me but it's still me and I can't escape from all responsibilities. My real friends never question why anymore because they know I don't fucking know. Wish things were different / Hope it someday brings me something positive