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My head is always foggy
Account deleted




wrote:
I go from one thought to another so fast I barely know what I'm thinking
And it makes me not have any clear sense of what caused what feeling I have, because I think that when I have an unpleasant thought I push it away so fast because I used to believe if I think about bad things; that bad thing would happen
So now it's a habit. I don't know what I think most of the time. Which is why I always forget if I ever come to some solution to things, like I'll solve whatever problem in my life but within the next 10 minutes I ruminate on the same topic as I don't even recall what answer I gave myself

My attention span is so damn broken
Date: 03-04-2021 08:21
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wrote:
I also have a constant discomfort about ''time is running out'' but not sure for what exactly
Date: 03-04-2021 08:23
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wrote:
All the times I've dreamt of being someone else because I cannot cope with reality and the miserable existence I've found myself in

It's between trying to see the tragicomedy of it or to keep nurse my sadness and fears
But doesn't that kinda blend in together lol
Date: 03-04-2021 08:56
Pitbull
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Pitbull wrote:
C4TH3DR4L wrote:
I also have a constant discomfort about ''time is running out'' but not sure for what exactly
I feel this a lot. Currently I'm not in uni anymore - and being together with my friends who are talking about them soon being done with their bach. I feel so damn lost. 
I do feel like time is running out and I have right now no power or whatsoever to do anything about it. 
18
Posts: 11412
Date: 03-04-2021 08:59
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wrote:
Gonna keep it a buck 50 I miss how things were. When I was able to supress somewhat the things I currently think and feel, turn a blind eye to it and only feel love etc etc but it's impossible in the long run. I know it is, I knew then too. But was so wonderful to convince myself it didn't matter, but 10 times more painful when I realised I spent more time in a delusion rather than spend time healing. The things one do for love and those you love AM I RITE
Date: 03-04-2021 09:00
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wrote:
Escobar wrote:
C4TH3DR4L wrote:
I also have a constant discomfort about ''time is running out'' but not sure for what exactly
I feel this a lot. Currently I'm not in uni anymore - and being together with my friends who are talking about them soon being done with their bach. I feel so damn lost. 
I do feel like time is running out and I have right now no power or whatsoever to do anything about it. 
Really sorry you have to deal with that :-(
I guess a way to look at it, is that so many others are in the same boat. Not much comfort maybe but there is no shame about not being where you thought you were supposed to be. I'm 24 and haven't finished high school. Probably won't either. And that's ok. I'm sending you all my love, you deserve all the good life can give
Date: 03-04-2021 09:03
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wrote:
More rant
It's almost embarrassing to admit to yourself that the person you'd wish so much revenge upon is the one you have the biggest room in your heart for. But that is the ego and I got to put that ego aside and be truthful to myself on what it truly is. It's because I feel hurt and rejected. Makes me feel so weak. A feeling I've felt since always, actually. Am I really weak though, if I've torn apart and still endured? How is it that after all this I still love him. The love isn't/wasn't even mutual. And still it haven't been enough to kill the love completely. What's wrong with me. How am I so unable to just fucking rid myself of it. It's so tiresome. He have most likely got over me ages ago and I'm still here having moments being so sad. For some dumb reason I hope he thinks of me, but what is the point of that. Last summer I didn't think of him at all. I was so good at my game of letting go - or so I thougth. Maybe I have let go but just not completely, is that possible? Since I'm like ok but every now and then it dawns upon me how much I miss it. I don't miss the painful parts of it but I miss the good. And it's gone forever. By my own choice too. Because I couldn't handle it anymore. It's what I had to do concidering the circumstances. It was stagnant and I silently tortured myself. Doesn't matter how much I hoped when it could never be. Maybe it's not that I'm over it but it's that I've accepted my fate.

Love should be mutual, respect should be mutual, you should apologize when in the wrong. How you were so defensive towards me I don't really get it at all. You pushed me away assuming you'd get hurt I guess. As if I would ever want to hurt you. I loved you more than anything, I rooted for your happiness, and it baffles me how you never realised that. Because if you did, you wouldn't have this massive distrust to me and you wouldn't hurt me like that. Psychological issues aside you could at least have the decency to be honest with me and not do these games. Seriosuly, I've loved you so much, I don't understand this at all.

I feel angry again. Masquerades my hurt. Easier to feel anger than being sad
Date: 03-04-2021 09:24
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wrote:
I want to puke everything I ate I can't consume much without guilt
Date: 03-04-2021 17:02 | Times changed: 1
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