question for anyone in therapy ! - Forum

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:
i got a recommendation for a music/trauma/dbt therapist from a friend and she promised to book me an appointment over the phone first, and i'm surprisingly nervous about that. i don't really know what i should focus on, there are way too many things i'd like to bring up for them to fit in a phone conversation or even the first session, so the question: having found a therapist for yourself (congrats), what would you pinpoint to be the most important thing(s) to ask, tell or mention when deciding if they're The One for you?

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:
I didn't say anything

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

ouch wrote:
I didn't say anything

did u just sit there without saying a word

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:

hutsu wrote:

ouch wrote:
I didn't say anything

did u just sit there without saying a word

Yes umless directly asked

Delicion
National star

Delicion wrote:
Well one therapist I had I really disliked. One time I told her something I felt and it was important to me, but she just disregarded it and told me I was wrong. Your therapist should never make you feel like anything about you is wrong. Other than that, it's good to have a therapist who picks up on things quickly and helps you find creative solutions for problems you're having.
I don't really think there are that many things to directly ask, you just gotta have a certain chemistry and you'll figure that out pretty soon.

Private
World famous

Barbarella wrote:
The most important thing for me with a therapist, is that they aren't too quick and eager to diagnose me, I need to know that they're willing to put in the time and effort to get a correct diagnosis.

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Popstar

Melody wrote:
for me the key point's been giving me the feeling like they genuinely care about what's going on with me -- which to say, having gone through multiple diff therapists, isn't necessarily something a person can make u feel. esp if you're social phobic and a paranoid bitch like me

hospital peeps for instance have come across to me like they only care about money... which is bad, considering they're supposed to be the last resort help

another therapist wrote down notes of me (which i can access in my patient files) where they remarked every single move i made, including my habit of playing with my fingers when i'm anxious, and that made me feel hella uncomfy and invalidated

if you feel like a therapist you're talking to doesn't care about your problems tho it's important for you to bring that up instead of hiding it. if they still treat you like shit then they're a garbage therapist and you should move on from them

first therapy session is typically about basic info of you and your background + how/why it reflects into the difficulties you're currently facing mentally-- more so if you have no recorded history of meeting a psychologist or therapist before. the sessions after your first usually include a little recap of the last one, a casual "how have you been since the last time we talked" kinda moment, followed then by "the topic of the day"

there is no "too many questions", though to be fair one hour is a very short time so usually you go through one or two topics per session depending on complexity. sometimes the topics are already chosen by the therapist, while other times they will ask if you had a particular topic in mind

the sessions are supposed to feel sorta less professional, and more safe and personal and basically like "nothing out there matters, this is your moment", but naturally the mood of the conversation is determined by the personality of the therapist

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
The most important thing for me with a therapist, is that they aren't too quick and eager to diagnose me, I need to know that they're willing to put in the time and effort to get a correct diagnosis.

oh right i didn't even remember that therapists diagnose the patients in the us, it's not a thing here. but i get what you mean, i've came across multiple health care professionals who seem to firmly believe into first deciding the diagnosis and then starting to think about treatment medication. i'd much rather discuss my symptoms and try to find solutions to the problems in hand, i don't really care what's in my diagnosis list other than it's much easier to keep track when dealing with multiple professionals when they all have the same info

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

brunhilde wrote:
for me the key point's been giving me the feeling like they genuinely care about what's going on with me -- which to say, having gone through multiple diff therapists, isn't necessarily something a person can make u feel. esp if you're social phobic and a paranoid bitch like me

hospital peeps for instance have come across to me like they only care about money... which is bad, considering they're supposed to be the last resort help

another therapist wrote down notes of me (which i can access in my patient files) where they remarked every single move i made, including my habit of playing with my fingers when i'm anxious, and that made me feel hella uncomfy and invalidated

if you feel like a therapist you're talking to doesn't care about your problems tho it's important for you to bring that up instead of hiding it. if they still treat you like shit then they're a garbage therapist and you should move on from them

first therapy session is typically about basic info of you and your background + how/why it reflects into the difficulties you're currently facing mentally-- more so if you have no recorded history of meeting a psychologist or therapist before. the sessions after your first usually include a little recap of the last one, a casual "how have you been since the last time we talked" kinda moment, followed then by "the topic of the day"

there is no "too many questions", though to be fair one hour is a very short time so usually you go through one or two topics per session depending on complexity. sometimes the topics are already chosen by the therapist, while other times they will ask if you had a particular topic in mind

the sessions are supposed to feel sorta less professional, and more safe and personal and basically like "nothing out there matters, this is your moment", but naturally the mood of the conversation is determined by the personality of the therapist

yeah it really doesn't work unless you get along with your therapist, and for me it especially shows in how they react to my humour because there have been some pretty crucial misunderstandings when a therapist/nurse/etc hasn't picked up that i'd said something as a joke since i often say things i find funny without laughing or smiling, and my jokes or anecdotes can get pretty morbid.
it's also important for me to state and have them react/take precaution for me leading the discussion off track when i feel uncomfortable about something, i need them to have some structure in the sessions and not let me spend the time on rambling about something completely else than i should because i can't be trusted on this and i've gotten way too good at it for my own good, lol

i know there's a lot of those seemingly mundane questions about ur family, friends, education, hobbies etc that they draw other information from based on ur answers but like the problem here is i have pretty severe amnesia and dissociation and might basically accidentally lie about even those things because i might only remember my family situation from when i was 11 or some shit so like the first times meeting someone feel especially difficult. i don't want it all to be about the symptoms of my disorder that often creates almost endless curiosity in psych professionals here because "oh wow i've never met someone with these symptoms, can i ask about x and y and what about z" and like yes nice i enjoy discussing things someone takes serious interest in and everything but i'm not there to be studied, i'm there to get help.

i was thinking about actually writing things down for the 1st actual appointment including the timeline, family details, treatments i've tried, tools i've found helpful (like i lean strongly on structure in general so i like programs like dbt because they got that aspect down and i especially like doing the chain analysis in therapy) etc, so basically it'd be a predigested sheet for everything they're going to ask anyways, including questions about the methods they use and their thoughts on treating x and y and whether they feel equipped to take on a client with the range of symptoms i have in the first place

Jisatsu
Streetmusician

Jisatsu wrote:
in the first 2 sessions i let the therapist ask me questions so i only answer the questions. i only intervene when im unhappy with the path the therapist is choosing to follow, like when you tell about symptoms and they put a different priority on them than yo
(a recent example of mine: my therapist wanted to pursue my social anxiety further, but at that moment i felt like my insomnia was more important, so i answered their question shortly, but then said what i would like to talk about instead)

Jisatsu
Streetmusician

Jisatsu wrote:
about things to be aware of:
-are the vibes correct? trust me, if the vibe is off, go away, except you know its just anxiety acting up it wont make sense to view therapy as something to endure
-does the therapist react accordingly to your requests? of course they can say no to things, theyre only human afterall awell, and some arent as flexible, but if they push you into something youre not comfortable with, run
-DO THEY LISTEN. my first therapist literally did. not. listen. to. me. the fact she correctly diagnosed me is only, because she diagnosed me with 4 completely different things at once and told me to figure it out
-do you feel like it helps you? of couse the hours and something the rest of the day after therapy you will feel miserable, understandable as a good therapist will push some buttons, if you want it or not. but if after like.. a month you feel worse and worse? go away, thats not the right one. therapy is something you should look forward to, not see as an obstacle

Private
World famous

Rotte wrote:

ouch wrote:
I didn't say anything

Lmao i did this too for half of it and she would just sit in silence for like uncomfortable long and look around thinking lmao

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

Jisatsu wrote:
about things to be aware of:
-are the vibes correct? trust me, if the vibe is off, go away, except you know its just anxiety acting up it wont make sense to view therapy as something to endure
-does the therapist react accordingly to your requests? of course they can say no to things, theyre only human afterall awell, and some arent as flexible, but if they push you into something youre not comfortable with, run
-DO THEY LISTEN. my first therapist literally did. not. listen. to. me. the fact she correctly diagnosed me is only, because she diagnosed me with 4 completely different things at once and told me to figure it out
-do you feel like it helps you? of couse the hours and something the rest of the day after therapy you will feel miserable, understandable as a good therapist will push some buttons, if you want it or not. but if after like.. a month you feel worse and worse? go away, thats not the right one. therapy is something you should look forward to, not see as an obstacle

this & ur previous messages were actually very helpful!!
it's sometimes really difficult to pinpoint the source of your feelings regardless of how much work you put into it, so i try not to like instantly reject a therapist if i feel a bit off because that can also be about having to discuss things that make me uneasy in general. but i'm simultaneously trying to trust my intuition more because like you do know when something isn't right but it takes some peeling to get there usually. the hook is that i need to decide if i'm applying for a named therapist after 1 session, i could maybe wing 2, but that's it :/ i feel like it's a super short period of time to make this big decision but that's how we roll here

Persona
Streetmusician

Persona wrote:
I mean, how much choice do you have? Can you afford to be picky? It sucks, but for example, the therapist I was assigned was basically it - if I didn't like them, then I couldn't pick another. So that plays into it

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

Persona wrote:
I mean, how much choice do you have? Can you afford to be picky? It sucks, but for example, the therapist I was assigned was basically it - if I didn't like them, then I couldn't pick another. So that plays into it

i get to choose a therapist from the national social institutes list, there are two payment plan levels: level 1 covers a fixed rate per appointment and you pay the rest yourself, level 2 covers the full cost. i fit the criteria for level 2 and the therapist my friend suggested is on that list. her rates are v reasonable to begin with (65€/45 min) but i'm not in a great place financially and have to pay for the first appointment(s) myself, so technically i can be as picky as i want to but in reality can't afford to see a lot of different therapists/the same one multiple times in a short amount of time