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Private
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Clegane wrote:
So yesterday my boyfriend told me a lot of things 
about him that are a bit shocking I guess 
like he has A LOT of scars due to his accident but I didn't expect the ones who looked the worst to be self inflicted.... he told me some wild stories about that
like when he was between exams and noticed he was bleeding through all his bandages so he had to sew it shut literally between exams like wtf 
or he admitted he had an alcohol problem 
and that last year he was at the point where he didn't want a day off work because he wouldn't know what to do with himself except that then 
or how he told me about his need for intermittent catheterization, which probably shocked me the most??
He also said a lot of other things about his past and that I was his reason for living now
And I love him a lot more after that night but I'm just scared that he's going to really be depending on me now? I don't want him to spiral into anything if I do something wrong I don't know if I'm able to handle all this correctly 
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 09-06-2021 07:27
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Miguel wrote:
you should suggest going to therapy bc if he starts to emotionally depend on you, it WILL be a tough situation for both
15
Posts: 2227
Date: 09-06-2021 11:12
Marlene
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Marlene wrote:
I honestly feel you.
My boyfriend hasn't told me everything as he don't like to talk about his feelings and such but he will cope with it by doing drugs or drinking alcohol.

Sadly, I was forced to set boundaries just to keep him on the right track and people not understanding why thinking it's wrong, I'm just trying to help him. lol.

Thing is whenever we're alone in his bed he tends to get emotional and that's where he says that his depression has gotten so much better after he met me, now that he's together with me, the feeling of having someone who truly loves you and cares for you.

My mom was even afraid of it in the start but I always thought it's nothing that I can't handle or solve but my problem is now that he refuses to see his flaws and work on them especially in our relationship.
He's started to take more than what he gives and it's really starting to bug me.
All I feel right now is that he could break up with me because of our fights but yet not as he would feel worse than ever and might even idk.
He claims that he would move on just like normal but I find that hard to believe really.

At least, I'm happy for you.
The fact that your boyfriend could finally sit down and talk about his past and now etc. it's a huge thing and it's so much easier to understand and be there for him, I think.
I wish mine could do that aswell.
16
Posts: 3491
Date: 09-06-2021 11:40
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Salem wrote:
DUCKBOY wrote:
you should suggest going to therapy bc if he starts to emotionally depend on you, it WILL be a tough situation for both
^^

also need for intermittent catheterization cos he struggles to pass pee or what ? didn't even know this was a thing 
18
Posts: 17533
Date: 09-06-2021 11:45 | Times changed: 1
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Versailles wrote:
He opened up for you so that's good - you can talk about it with him and see how you can support him and at the same time talk abt your boundaries. You can suggest therapy etc.
If his wellbeing is dependent on you it's kinda concerning. It's ok to find happiness in relationship and be one of the good things if the person got lots of trauma, but if things won't work out it's kinda iffy situation. 
Talk abt it with him 
20
Posts: 6859
Date: 09-06-2021 11:46
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Melody wrote:
i mean the fact he opened up about this all should mean he trusts you
but as someone who struggles with severe depression, i can tell stating "you're the reason i live now" is alarming

i don't know how long you've been together or how well you knew him prior to that, but if only a little fraction of time (say, from less than a year to a year or two, more in rarer cases) then it... might also be a rather manipulative thing to say, especially considering your reaction, though i sincerely hope that's not the case

if he's known you for several years, it might also be his way of saying that he loves you more than you can imagine. in this case though it would take a lot of courage for him to admit that, though it might also indicate a much darker alternative than mere threats

i suppose following his reactions to things is key. is he controllive, impulsive, is his mental health in a much better place than it used to be? there's a lot of things to consider, some better left to discuss with professionals, some directly with him
19
Posts: 8456
Date: 09-06-2021 12:11
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ouch wrote:
I mean wth its just concerning altogether seen as he is what,,, 16 years older than u n ur only 20 lol, putting way too much onto u
16
Posts: 95491
Date: 09-06-2021 12:14
Pitbull
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Pitbull wrote:
DUCKBOY wrote:
you should suggest going to therapy bc if he starts to emotionally depend on you, it WILL be a tough situation for both
this


It's important for you to set boundaries - and make him understand that you're not his therapist nor caregiver.  I've been in relationships where I ended up being every dependent om my then partner, which ended up in a break up since it was too much. 

Of course be there for him if he needs it, but with stuff that you cannot handle, then ask him to consult a therapist who are educated and as the right tools to help him in every possible way.


Wishing you loads of luck.
18
Posts: 11412
Date: 09-06-2021 12:41 | Times changed: 1
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Clegane wrote:
Salem wrote:
DUCKBOY wrote:
you should suggest going to therapy bc if he starts to emotionally depend on you, it WILL be a tough situation for both
^^

also need for intermittent catheterization cos he struggles to pass pee or what ? didn't even know this was a thing 
Yeah due to his accident he has a spinal cord injury and is wheelchair bound 
n his penis doesn't really work normally because of it anymore, he can't pee, is infertile etc
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 09-06-2021 13:08
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kagura wrote:
Clegane wrote:
Salem wrote:
DUCKBOY wrote:
you should suggest going to therapy bc if he starts to emotionally depend on you, it WILL be a tough situation for both
^^

also need for intermittent catheterization cos he struggles to pass pee or what ? didn't even know this was a thing 
Yeah due to his accident he has a spinal cord injury and is wheelchair bound 
n his penis doesn't really work normally because of it anymore, he can't pee, is infertile etc
sorry to hear that, that really sucks. hard situtation indeed. 
i can't even imagine how hard it must be for him to find reasons to keep going and you might really might help him, but it's still not healthy to think you as the only reason to live 
14
Posts: 7616
Date: 09-06-2021 13:15
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Clegane wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
i mean the fact he opened up about this all should mean he trusts you
but as someone who struggles with severe depression, i can tell stating "you're the reason i live now" is alarming

i don't know how long you've been together or how well you knew him prior to that, but if only a little fraction of time (say, from less than a year to a year or two, more in rarer cases) then it... might also be a rather manipulative thing to say, especially considering your reaction, though i sincerely hope that's not the case

if he's known you for several years, it might also be his way of saying that he loves you more than you can imagine. in this case though it would take a lot of courage for him to admit that, though it might also indicate a much darker alternative than mere threats

i suppose following his reactions to things is key. is he controllive, impulsive, is his mental health in a much better place than it used to be? there's a lot of things to consider, some better left to discuss with professionals, some directly with him
I mean we've only known each other for some weeks, so not that long actually 😅
I don't think he meant to say that in a manipulative way though, I think he's just desperately grasping onto anything in life that gives him something positive 

His mental health is a lot better nowadays... he doesn't injure himself anymore and he doesn't drink that excessively which I'm quite proud of 

I'm just scared it'll all come crashing down some day and he'll spiral back into it because I wouldn't know how to handle that 
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 09-06-2021 17:09
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Clegane wrote:
ouch wrote:
I mean wth its just concerning altogether seen as he is what,,, 16 years older than u n ur only 20 lol, putting way too much onto u
I mean yeah but I don't think age is a problem 
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 09-06-2021 17:10
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wrote:
Your whole relationship is a mess and unless he and maybe you too get professional help it'll go south for sure
Date: 09-06-2021 17:12
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Clegane wrote:
C4TH3DR4L wrote:
Your whole relationship is a mess and unless he and maybe you too get professional help it'll go south for sure
But he's about the most romantic and loving dude in the universe and treats me like a treasure 
It's not that much of a mess 🥲
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 09-06-2021 17:13
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wrote:
Clegane wrote:
C4TH3DR4L wrote:
Your whole relationship is a mess and unless he and maybe you too get professional help it'll go south for sure
But he's about the most romantic and loving dude in the universe and treats me like a treasure 
It's not that much of a mess 🥲
But the bad here is really bad and needs to be adressed

Glad he treats you well though
Date: 09-06-2021 17:14
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Claire wrote:
Yikes. 
21
Posts: 55674
Date: 09-06-2021 17:41
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