should i ghost kinda-bf - Forum

should i ghost kinda-bf

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Limbs wrote:
for a while or something i just don't know what to do
he's supposed to come see visit me this weekend or the start of next week and i'm just really anxious and uncomfortable

like a month ago last time we met (long distance) he got fed up with me and listed a whole bunch of things he was upset about when we were having breakfast one day. like how he feels that i'm not independent enough, i'm not fun and spontaneous enough (paraphrasing here) or i don't contribute enough in ideas for what we should do, i wasn't washing the dishes often enough or otherwise helping out with chores enough, and me being there was fucking up his routine

and i thought i was doing ok? i was doing the dishes once per day at least and i made the bed, tried to tidy up and stuff. n the part about me not being fun and spontaneous and not contributing much in ideas is true but i was/am very depressed so i was already pushing myself to just do the stuff he wanted to do. but yes i though everything was fine until he started to get vaguely angry over a few days & then finally told me that

anyway after his little outburst he apologized and said it's fine and it was nothing to do with me (???). i didn't really object cuz i was not trying to make things worse

so now i'm really anxious about him coming here because i know i can't be all the things he's expecting of me?? and i'm just dreading him coming here and getting annoyed by me again, criticizing the way i live etc. i haven't really talked to him much at all since we last met because idk how i'm supposed to like... be in this relationship now that i know he's being annoyed by everything i do

i'm not rlly serious about the ghosting lol or am i... idk... like i guess i should just call him but also idk what i'm expecting to happen if i do

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Versailles wrote:
Dump him

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Versailles wrote:

Versailles wrote:
Dump him

Like it's better taking it on the phone, either talk it out or break up. Idk, if it's so early on that you dread him to coming over and he getting annoyed and stuff.. Don't ghost but rather talk about it either on phone or when he comes over.

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Arthema wrote:
Man, you got me so emotional reading this part...
"n the part about me not being fun and spontaneous and not contributing much in ideas is true but i was/am very depressed so i was already pushing myself to just do the stuff he wanted to do. but yes i though everything was fine until he started to get vaguely angry over a few days & then finally told me that"

This is EXACTLY why my 5 years relationship ended,
my ex didn't understand and didn't accept my depression and LITERALLY ignored my other disorders, especially anything dissociative wise...
Now while falling in it further makes it more frustrating for the other side... it's understandable.
But I was working on it and slowly getting better... but it never mattered because I'm "no fun" and "never wanting to go out and party or drink or whatever"

And I ALWAYS felt miserable because of that, until we broke up and took care of myself and healed, and found someone that was willing to heal those wounds peacefully but also be there and help me with that when it'\s really hard.

Never settle for less... never.
especially when it's something so hard to deal with and when the other side makes you deal with it on your own.
I'm more then sure that it won't be the last time he'll do something like that, even if it won't be an outburst next time, but unless he won't learn that it's something he can't rush, but only support and be there for you, it won't change.
My ex ALWAYS did the same, this toxic behavior to make you feel like trash for something you simply CAN'T control on a whim, and since then I'm like a new woman.

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Sobbing wrote:
i wouldnt ghost them, id talk to them
maybe they had a bad day and took it out on you, ive been there
but could also be that the guy is a jerk in general, i dont know him

id talk it out and see where it goes from there

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Rotte wrote:

Abby wrote:
Man, you got me so emotional reading this part...
"n the part about me not being fun and spontaneous and not contributing much in ideas is true but i was/am very depressed so i was already pushing myself to just do the stuff he wanted to do. but yes i though everything was fine until he started to get vaguely angry over a few days & then finally told me that"

This is EXACTLY why my 5 years relationship ended,
my ex didn't understand and didn't accept my depression and LITERALLY ignored my other disorders, especially anything dissociative wise...
Now while falling in it further makes it more frustrating for the other side... it's understandable.
But I was working on it and slowly getting better... but it never mattered because I'm "no fun" and "never wanting to go out and party or drink or whatever"

And I ALWAYS felt miserable because of that, until we broke up and took care of myself and healed, and found someone that was willing to heal those wounds peacefully but also be there and help me with that when it'\s really hard.

Never settle for less... never.
especially when it's something so hard to deal with and when the other side makes you deal with it on your own.
I'm more then sure that it won't be the last time he'll do something like that, even if it won't be an outburst next time, but unless he won't learn that it's something he can't rush, but only support and be there for you, it won't change.
My ex ALWAYS did the same, this toxic behavior to make you feel like trash for something you simply CAN'T control on a whim, and since then I'm like a new woman.

I just wanna say you said it very well.

And also I'm happy you got out of that situation!

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