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How to FIND YOURSELF?
Private
National Star



scoff wrote:
Yes in serious need of advice on this matter. See I never really found an identity in my teen years lol I found a narcissistic alcoholic boyfriend instead and spent four years of my life with him and then was single for about three months before I just went out and found another boyfriend uhm so yeah I’ve never figured myself out at all :))))

I like nothing, I’ve no hobbies, I don’t know what I want or anythinggggg
Please help me
20
Posts: 34386
Date: 11-07-2021 22:03
Private
National Star



scoff wrote:
I mean I find myself breaking down on a regular basis wanting to be everything that isn’t very good or wanting to be something totally out of the ordinary or wishing I was 14 and so on and so forth because I really don’t know anything... who do I want to be? What can I do to get there? How will I ever know? What kind of people do I need in my life and what kind don’t I need? How do I find friends? How can I stop only relating to the kind of people that I just don’t really feel good being around anyway because they always stand out so and I don’t? 

and no I’m not drunk tonight lol I’m at work 
20
Posts: 34386
Date: 11-07-2021 22:10
Account deleted




wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Date: 11-07-2021 22:13
Private
National Star



scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
20
Posts: 34386
Date: 11-07-2021 22:14
Private
Popstar



ouch wrote:
scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
Yes
16
Posts: 95520
Date: 11-07-2021 22:16
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World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
Spend a few years single
do volunteer work for things you enjoy (I volunteered at a free concert series when I did this, got to meet some phenomenal musicians and had great experiences)
Take free classes
Travel if you can afford it (I could not afford it)
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 11-07-2021 22:17
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World Famous



Ground wrote:
scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
u have to be alone for a while to develop as a person
if ur always dependant on others it won't do u good in the long run
23
Posts: 19035
Date: 11-07-2021 22:18
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
Nice wrote:
scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
u have to be alone for a while to develop as a person
if ur always dependant on others it won't do u good in the long run
I was so resistant to this, I thought I could be different, the exception to the rule
but you're right, so right it hurts lol
I was single for 2 years before I even felt like I was beginning to know who I was
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 11-07-2021 22:19
Account deleted




wrote:
scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
No. It wouldn't. It would rather mean that you might want to take more time to yourself to tune into how you really feel and think about things on your own. E.g. An hour in the day whenever you have time. And if you don't know what to think about then there's a thousand prompts to google around this topic. 

You may want to move alone to grow, but I won't tell you that is a must. Maybe you'll figure that's what you need first? Or maybe not? You don't have to start there to start. You can start exactly where you are now. 
Date: 11-07-2021 22:20 | Times changed: 1
Private
National Star



scoff wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Spend a few years single
do volunteer work for things you enjoy (I volunteered at a free concert series when I did this, got to meet some phenomenal musicians and had great experiences)
Take free classes
Travel if you can afford it (I could not afford it)
How do I even find places to volunteer at? I don’t have a drivers license and I don’t live in a city... been meaning to do it for a while but I just can’t find anything 
20
Posts: 34386
Date: 11-07-2021 22:22
Private
National Star



scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I would say try take a break from other people's opinions and try figure what you really want, and what suit your life where you are - - not how other people live, look or do elsewhere. 
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
No. It wouldn't. It would rather mean that you might want to take more time to yourself to tune into how you really feel and think about things on your own. E.g. An hour in the day whenever you have time. And if you don't know what to think about then there's a thousand prompts to google around this topic. 

You may want to move alone to grow, but I won't tell you that is a must. Maybe you'll figure that's what you need first? Or maybe not? You don't have to start there to start. You can start exactly where you are now. 
You know, I don’t even know what “finding yourself” or “getting to know yourself” means 
20
Posts: 34386
Date: 11-07-2021 22:23
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
scoff wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Spend a few years single
do volunteer work for things you enjoy (I volunteered at a free concert series when I did this, got to meet some phenomenal musicians and had great experiences)
Take free classes
Travel if you can afford it (I could not afford it)
How do I even find places to volunteer at? I don’t have a drivers license and I don’t live in a city... been meaning to do it for a while but I just can’t find anything 
I find volunteer opportunities through local facebook groups, usually. 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 11-07-2021 22:25
Private
World Famous



Ground wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Nice wrote:
scoff wrote:
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
u have to be alone for a while to develop as a person
if ur always dependant on others it won't do u good in the long run
I was so resistant to this, I thought I could be different, the exception to the rule
but you're right, so right it hurts lol
I was single for 2 years before I even felt like I was beginning to know who I was
it's so vital to get to know yourself and your own identity and that personal growth can only be done FULLY when you suddenly are alone and to learn how to exist without always relying on a partner/parent/guardian etc etc (not saying people should be irresponsible,, i ofc mean when ur 18+ and have the economy to live on ur own)
ur the most vulnerable when ur alone, and that's when the growing will start
it will teach you to do things for yourself and how to handle obstacles 
that's why i've personally don't rush with getting a partner because i know i must first learn how to be by myself and find out who i am so i can be secure within myself and how i portray myself to a potential future partner
personal growth like that is rly rly healthy for ur mind, so i'm rly proud of u !
23
Posts: 19035
Date: 11-07-2021 22:26
Private
World Famous



Barbarella wrote:
scoff wrote:
Nesta wrote:
scoff wrote:
Which would mean I would have to break up with my bf and go live alone, wouldn’t it? 
No. It wouldn't. It would rather mean that you might want to take more time to yourself to tune into how you really feel and think about things on your own. E.g. An hour in the day whenever you have time. And if you don't know what to think about then there's a thousand prompts to google around this topic. 

You may want to move alone to grow, but I won't tell you that is a must. Maybe you'll figure that's what you need first? Or maybe not? You don't have to start there to start. You can start exactly where you are now. 
You know, I don’t even know what “finding yourself” or “getting to know yourself” means 
For me it was the ability to discern which of my traits were truly me, even when I was alone, and which traits were just interests, mannerisms, and styles I picked up to best suit the folks I was surrounded by. 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 11-07-2021 22:26
Private
World Famous



Ground wrote:
also u don't have to know stuff !
just try things out and see for yourself if u like them or not
no1 else can tell u what to do because it must be something u urself wanna do / try out
n if u don't like one thing, try another !
getting out of ur comfortzone is a step that u will have to take sooner or later to let urself explore who u are as a person !
23
Posts: 19035
Date: 11-07-2021 22:29
Private
National Star



scoff wrote:
Nice wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Nice wrote:
u have to be alone for a while to develop as a person
if ur always dependant on others it won't do u good in the long run
I was so resistant to this, I thought I could be different, the exception to the rule
but you're right, so right it hurts lol
I was single for 2 years before I even felt like I was beginning to know who I was
it's so vital to get to know yourself and your own identity and that personal growth can only be done FULLY when you suddenly are alone and to learn how to exist without always relying on a partner/parent/guardian etc etc (not saying people should be irresponsible,, i ofc mean when ur 18+ and have the economy to live on ur own)
ur the most vulnerable when ur alone, and that's when the growing will start
it will teach you to do things for yourself and how to handle obstacles 
that's why i've personally don't rush with getting a partner because i know i must first learn how to be by myself and find out who i am so i can be secure within myself and how i portray myself to a potential future partner
personal growth like that is rly rly healthy for ur mind, so i'm rly proud of u !
So what you’re saying is I should just get rid of this person that I love and who hasn’t been an asshole? That doesn’t seem right 
20
Posts: 34386
Date: 11-07-2021 22:55
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