how often do you guys - Forum

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Rouya wrote:
spend time with friends irl

im wondering bc i feel like i spend most of my time alone and idk how normal it is to not see ppl very often (apart from maybe your partner or something like that if you have that). i have very social friends who seem like they always hang out with their other friends so i feel a bit left out or at least i just feel weird about it but i also dont really want to see people every day so

yeah just wondering

would also be interested in hearing if you have a partner or not bc i think that plays a role in how much social interaction you seek from friends as well

addition: do you guys live alone or no?

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Ground wrote:
i have 1 friend irl
n we're gonna meet sometime now in july for the first time in 6 years
honestly i don't know how often we'll meet but i would guess maybeee 2 times a month

other than that i have a contact person i meet twice a month

n that's it rly except for meetings

but yea,, i would wish there would be more socialisation but then on the other hand i need to rest and recharge quite a lot due to my autism
so while i like being social, i also like being by myself
i don't have a partner

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Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:
i have 1 friend irl
n we're gonna meet sometime now in july for the first time in 6 years
honestly i don't know how often we'll meet but i would guess maybeee 2 times a month

other than that i have a contact person i meet twice a month

n that's it rly except for meetings

but yea,, i would wish there would be more socialisation but then on the other hand i need to rest and recharge quite a lot due to my autism
so while i like being social, i also like being by myself
i don't have a partner

i see

what do you do otherwise? like work, school? how do you feel about the socialisation there? sorry if it's too personal, im just curious and also autistic so im trying to figure out expectations for myself as an adult in regards to socialising

do you feel lonely or like you're missing something, or are you ok with how things are? bc i have a hard time like connecting needing lots and lots of space with feeling like i need constant interaction and validation

i have a bf who i see often but i constantly feel like something's "wrong" bc i dont have many friends (edit: while he has many friends and is very social) - especially where i live now, i have like no friends only my bf and i feel bad about it

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Skinneh wrote:
Never. I don't have any friends (not involuntary)

It's not weird to grow out of friendships as you grow older. Naturally you become more busy as you age which means less time to spend on other people. Maybe you're just not as social as your other friends. Nothing weird about that.

Thecellabration
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thecellabration wrote:
i have one friend irl lol (and one friend who's mainly a friend of hers, i only hang out with him when it's all three of us) and idk sometimes we see each other a couple of times a week, sometimes it'll be a week or two in between (or even more but usually not i don't think, it was just like that last year especially bc of quarantine and stuff, and for a couple of years before that too bc i didn't live in the same town as her for a while)

idk neither of us are very social, at least not all the time. we usually text each other every day tho.

and also i don't have a partner

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Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:
Never. I don't have any friends (not involuntary)

It's not weird to grow out of friendships as you grow older. Naturally you become more busy as you age which means less time to spend on other people. Maybe you're just not as social as your other friends. Nothing weird about that.

i wish i had more friends that i could spend time with from time to time tho
currently my problem is that while i do have friends, they all live hours apart from me and where i live i have maybe 1 friend who is the most absentminded person in the world so i dont see her very often and im primarily the one who initiates contact

but i guess a lot of it also stems from like being scared of being "found out" as someone who doesnt have friends? if you know what i mean? idk im scared of being judged i guess

why dont you have friends?

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Miguel wrote:
no

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Rouya wrote:

DUCKBOY wrote:
no

hmm

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ouch wrote:
Couple times a week mby, depends. When not summer break, every day in the weeks n sometimes on the weekends

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Rouya wrote:

thecellabration wrote:
i have one friend irl lol (and one friend who's mainly a friend of hers, i only hang out with him when it's all three of us) and idk sometimes we see each other a couple of times a week, sometimes it'll be a week or two in between (or even more but usually not i don't think, it was just like that last year especially bc of quarantine and stuff, and for a couple of years before that too bc i didn't live in the same town as her for a while)

idk neither of us are very social, at least not all the time. we usually text each other every day tho.

and also i don't have a partner

a couple of times a week is a lot i think, i dont text any of my friends every day, only once in a while, and also only see them once in a while (maybe like once a month if it werent for corona i would suppose)

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Rouya wrote:

ouch wrote:
Couple times a week mby, depends. When not summer break, every day in the weeks n sometimes on the weekends

do you see them less during summer?

Kalypso
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kalypso wrote:
i dont necessarily have a lot of friends. but some of them i spend time with more than once throughout the week and then there is other where it's like once a months even less.
sometimes, but rarely, it's several ppl a day, other times it's only once to twice a week, but least twice every week. so it depends so much, sometimes i have the whole week scheduled. im very much an extrovert, so i like being with friends all the time, but i also work a lot usually

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Ground wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:
i have 1 friend irl
n we're gonna meet sometime now in july for the first time in 6 years
honestly i don't know how often we'll meet but i would guess maybeee 2 times a month

other than that i have a contact person i meet twice a month

n that's it rly except for meetings

but yea,, i would wish there would be more socialisation but then on the other hand i need to rest and recharge quite a lot due to my autism
so while i like being social, i also like being by myself
i don't have a partner

i see

what do you do otherwise? like work, school? how do you feel about the socialisation there? sorry if it's too personal, im just curious and also autistic so im trying to figure out expectations for myself as an adult in regards to socialising

do you feel lonely or like you're missing something, or are you ok with how things are? bc i have a hard time like connecting needing lots and lots of space with feeling like i need constant interaction and validation

i have a bf who i see often but i constantly feel like something's "wrong" bc i dont have many friends (edit: while he has many friends and is very social) - especially where i live now, i have like no friends only my bf and i feel bad about it

i do have the daily activity center twice a week n my goal is to be able to hold speeches abt my experiences !
so i don't rly 'work' in the normal sense of the term,, but my working ability is at 25% currently, therefor me having lots of spare time
i do have 2 mentors rly and it's very individual ,, which that specific center caters to due to my problems working in teams,, so this place is rly for me !
but in terms of socialisation, it's more so with adults, i am an adult myself but what i mean is 30+
so i don't rly talk with people my age as i find it rather difficult to find common ground

i would say it's a mix of both u know! like at times i wish i just functioned 'normally' and would be able to just go out and get friends and just enjoy daily life more
but then again, that would make me rly anxious because for me it takes ages before i trust a person and i can easily take things the wrong way making it very problematic for my brain to compute with
i usually say that i have 'contacts' rather than friends, due to me being able to distance myself in a way,, there isn't as much responsibility or pressure for me when i know i meet my 'contacts'
i do like being by myself but it can't be for too long cause then i get rly anxious
i am a person who likes talking with people (after having done lots of therapy myself to overcome my social fears) and sometimes that's a problem because i only have a limited amount of people i can talk to

i'm sorry u feel like ur 'wrong' but personally i don't think so,, it's just a bit complicated for u and i would bet it could be because it's harder to understand what people mean / want or / and you need to feel that certain trust to a person to be able to continue a relationship that then turns into friendship
like i feel u in so many ways and i know it's hard but the problem here isn't u, ur totally fine
it's more so that the world isn't made for people with autism

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ouch wrote:

Rouya wrote:

ouch wrote:
Couple times a week mby, depends. When not summer break, every day in the weeks n sometimes on the weekends

do you see them less during summer?

Yes cus me n my best friend is in the same class at school, but in summer we go on vacation etc, n also too lazy togo out every day when not for smth special like going to the store or going drinking or sum

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Skinneh wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:
Never. I don't have any friends (not involuntary)

It's not weird to grow out of friendships as you grow older. Naturally you become more busy as you age which means less time to spend on other people. Maybe you're just not as social as your other friends. Nothing weird about that.

i wish i had more friends that i could spend time with from time to time tho
currently my problem is that while i do have friends, they all live hours apart from me and where i live i have maybe 1 friend who is the most absentminded person in the world so i dont see her very often and im primarily the one who initiates contact

but i guess a lot of it also stems from like being scared of being "found out" as someone who doesnt have friends? if you know what i mean? idk im scared of being judged i guess

why dont you have friends?

Maybe you should try getting new friends who live closer to you in addition to your long-distance friends?

Don't worry about being judged too much. Your real friends wouldn't care whether you have 2 or 20 friends. It's not a big deal.

But to answer your question, I'm just a huge introvert. I don't get enjoyment out of being around people. I can cope for work/school related stuff but I much prefer spending my days alone. I've always been that way.

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Rouya wrote:

ouch wrote:

Rouya wrote:

ouch wrote:
Couple times a week mby, depends. When not summer break, every day in the weeks n sometimes on the weekends

do you see them less during summer?

Yes cus me n my best friend is in the same class at school, but in summer we go on vacation etc, n also too lazy togo out every day when not for smth special like going to the store or going drinking or sum

i see