ok but what / tw - Forum - Virtual Popstar

Private
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Salem wrote:
slkklfskgjfgf okay tw suicide

I have a friend who is struggling/has been struggling for a v long time and attempts like ? idk often idk nd basically told me he had again abt a week ago and after the usual I'm here and lov and all that I said "honestly mby you should talk to someone professional and get some help mate" w heart emojis nd shit and he was like "k don't need everyone telling me that" and I said "not in a shite way but cos I care for you :/" and his reply was "mhm." and I said "like idk how to help you beyond being here for you nd I don't want you to be feelin so bad all the time so ofc I'm gonna suggest something like talking to someone and seeing if they can help you with it. different things help different people n you'll never know if it would help you without trying it" and he responded w the ok emoji

what the FUCK am I supposed to say to that is it insensitive of me to be annoyed by this
we've had conversations before abt shite/short responses blah blah and how much it annoys us both and also like ? literally everything came from a place of love and care and just ughhhh idk what to do someone give me your perspective please

Private
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Salem wrote:
like tell me you're not interested in that or somethin don't be blunt and be clearly pissed at me for showing ? concern ?

Aphrodite
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Aphrodite wrote:
You are not your friend’s therapist and you have to draw the line somewhere. You cannot and are not obligated to provide your friend the proper help he needs because friend’s are really not qualified for that especially when we’re dealing with more severe mental health issues. There’s nothing you can really do besides encouraging your friend to get help as you have already done and if he doesn’t want to seek professional help, then there’s nothing more you can do for him. Try to be patient with him but remember to set boundaries. I hope he gets the help he needs and remember you’ve haven’t done anything wrong. Best of luck to both of you!

Private
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Ground wrote:

Aphrodite wrote:
You are not your friend’s therapist and you have to draw the line somewhere. You cannot and are not obligated to provide your friend the proper help he needs because friend’s are really not qualified for that especially when we’re dealing with more severe mental health issues. There’s nothing you can really do besides encouraging your friend to get help as you have already done and if he doesn’t want to seek professional help, then there’s nothing more you can do for him. Try to be patient with him but remember to set boundaries. I hope he gets the help he needs and remember you’ve haven’t done anything wrong. Best of luck to both of you!

agree !
remember to take care of yourself and your own wellbeing too
i imagine this weighing rly heavy on u n therefor it's extra important u don't forget to think of yourself as well
n like aurora said, you also have to set boundaries !

Private
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Claire wrote:
I don’t talk to people who are that ill and don’t seek help. It’s too damaging to my own health.

Private
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Versailles wrote:
He doesn't seek professional help? He truly need to. It's not your responsibility to be like a therapist. Sure you can be there for him, but after x amount and it seems like he thinks others can fix him - it doesn't work like that. He need to work on himself and get the right tools from a professional therapist. You're not wrong for saying as it is.

If he's in position where you think he can be in danger for himself you got every right to call ambulance and then it can be taken from there.

Being put in a position as therapist role/someone to fix his problems/find answers for him and not like a friendly listener when you're a friend is hard and unfair. It's time to set bouandries, and the best is to take in on a day where it's not as heated perhaps where he's in better headspace.

Sending love and hope ur ok, sounds like unpleasent situation.

Private
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Salem wrote:
thank u guys !! just. rly needed someone to confirm for me I wasn't being unfair w my feelings abt it lol

honestly I'm just gonna leave it and if he messages me he messages me, if not then not like idk very much so not here for the response + I'm not feelin like it's my job to reach out tomorrow, I'd like to think he's grown up enough that he'll read it back and be like oh right mby I should just message to say sorry I was feelin low and didn't wanna hear that at that moment
but who knows
he's at our mutual friend's house anyway like ik he isn't alone regardless
awkward that I said I'd go see them tomorrow and have plans to go on monday too um ????? we'll see

Gilmore
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Gilmore wrote:
Even if I am going through an episode, I still don't treat people like shit, especially the ones I care about.

So yeah. Get your priorities straight. Even if people are ill or going through serious shit, they will still show you love and affection if that is what they feel towards you.

Private
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Salem wrote:
ok no he sent me a couple picture snaps like "making her dinner" and "love adventures" or somethin w the time stamp of 1am ish but hasn't said anything lol
I'm meant to be going there and seeing them today but I'm not doin anything unless I'm asked again cos don't really care one way or the other if I stay home today or go see them

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:
You have every right to be annoyed

Honestly he sounds very manipulative and like hes seeking asspats/pity imo

I have more to add I'm currently at work ttyl

Precious
Youtube star

Precious wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
You have every right to be annoyed

Honestly he sounds very manipulative and like hes seeking asspats/pity imo

this

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:
I've battled suicidal ideation since I was 13. Substance abuse and mental illness runs in my family and many of my friends have dealt with it.

There is a difference imo between seeking support and whining for sympathy. Considering your friend wont take your advice and is doing nothing toseek a solution, I'm arguing in his case it's the latter. People who whine and do jack shit about it and want you to listen or bail em out are so annoying and it becomes a broken record at a certain point. If you're not taking accountability well what am I supposed to do? Give you asspats? That's not healthy for either party

I agree with those who said your friend lacks boundaries. Versailles hit the nail on the head. If he is making you worry about his safety it is within your right to call for a welfare check. I have had to do that for my mom. If she doesnt like it she can stop telling me she wants to kill herself then.

Unfortunately you cannot help those who dont want to help themselves and that may be the case here. I also think continuing to put up with his shit would be unintentionally enabling his toxic behavior

Private
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Miguel wrote:
as i always say, you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, nor wants to help themselves
maybe it sounds cruel, but if i was you, i'd tell him that he can either change or be alone, because you have no responsability in helping someone who doesn't try to even appreciate your attempts of giving them actual good solutions.
in full honesty, i'd leave him alone. everyone has their own problems, and everyone needs to be responsible for themselves and for getting help to solve them, and he seems like he just wants asspats for problems that he doesn't want to solve. be more tough and if it doesn't seem like he will change anytime soon, leave.

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:
I'm willing to give the shirt off my back to anyone struggling, but when you refuse to change or develop healthy coping mechanisms and all you do is bitch, my sympathy runs dry

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:

DUCKBOY wrote:
as i always say, you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, nor wants to help themselves
maybe it sounds cruel, but if i was you, i'd tell him that he can either change or be alone, because you have no responsability in helping someone who doesn't try to even appreciate your attempts of giving them actual good solutions.
in full honesty, i'd leave him alone. everyone has their own problems, and everyone needs to be responsible for themselves and for getting help to solve them, and he seems like he just wants asspats for problems that he doesn't want to solve. be more tough and if it doesn't seem like he will change anytime soon, leave.

Well said

I'm very happy ppl in this thread recognize how toxic the friend of the op is and they're not condemning their frustrations cuz "he's ill!"

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

DUCKBOY wrote:
as i always say, you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, nor wants to help themselves
maybe it sounds cruel, but if i was you, i'd tell him that he can either change or be alone, because you have no responsability in helping someone who doesn't try to even appreciate your attempts of giving them actual good solutions.
in full honesty, i'd leave him alone. everyone has their own problems, and everyone needs to be responsible for themselves and for getting help to solve them, and he seems like he just wants asspats for problems that he doesn't want to solve. be more tough and if it doesn't seem like he will change anytime soon, leave.

Well said

I'm very happy ppl in this thread recognize how toxic the friend of the op is and they're not condemning their frustrations cuz "he's ill!"

i just find it so exhausting to blame the illness instead of the person for manipulating others lmao not everyone with depression / other disorders r manipulators nor want to stay like that (mentally ill)