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Blackberry Musings: Or Why I Was Up 'Til 5 AM
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
I'm one of those lucky fuckers who is introspective to the point of driving me insane sometimes, especially when I'm trying to sleep, double especially when I have to get up early in the morning.  This is what kept me up all night,

Back in the summer my friend Janet hired me for the season to help harvest and package produce on the farm she manages - I arrived just between blueberry and blackberry season.

Blackberries had to be picked every other day to prevent them from rotting, falling to the ground, and getting infested with spotted wing drosophila. Janet always had this philosophy that there are two kinds of berries you eat in the field - those that are too ugly for the market, and those that are simply too perfect for the general publics consumption. I never could help myself around the overly beautiful fruit.

So every other day, I'd pick blackberries, and every other day I'd snack on them in the field. But they just didn't taste good, I couldn't figure out why, but I suspected it had something to do with too much heat and rain, causing the berries to mature before they were actually sweet and ripe. 

So, I told Janet the berries didn't taste good, and she would snack on some with me, and she'd tell me they tasted great, and she had no idea what I was talking about. We went through this every other day for weeks, until one day Janet looks at me and goes, "Cece, did you ever consider that maybe you just don't like blackberries?"

Nope, I certainly never had considered that.

So thinking about the blackberry wisdom I'm now wondering where else I can apply this in my life. Are men really awful or are they just blackberries? - and so on.  


Where can you apply blackberry wisdom to your life?
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 17:31 | Times changed: 4
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
of course I just planted a new blackberry bush too lol
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 21:03
Private
National Star



Sylvan wrote:
My metaphorical blackberry is wearing tight feminine clothes. I forced myself to wear the most uncomfortable shit during high school to fit in, never again. 
16
Posts: 17933
Date: 22-09-2021 21:12
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
My metaphorical blackberry is wearing tight feminine clothes. I forced myself to wear the most uncomfortable shit during high school to fit in, never again. 
I look back upon how I tried to fit in at different phases of my life, and once I achieved it I realized they were not my people and I was not happy lol
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 21:13
Private
National Star



Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
My metaphorical blackberry is wearing tight feminine clothes. I forced myself to wear the most uncomfortable shit during high school to fit in, never again. 
I look back upon how I tried to fit in at different phases of my life, and once I achieved it I realized they were not my people and I was not happy lol
Getting older has many downsides, but hindsight isn't one. 

Back then I always felt like I was waiting for my real life to begin and that it would start once I was pretty and popular enough. I spent my formative years waiting and waiting but it was still the same old me, not fitting in and lost in fantasies.
16
Posts: 17933
Date: 22-09-2021 21:20
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
My metaphorical blackberry is wearing tight feminine clothes. I forced myself to wear the most uncomfortable shit during high school to fit in, never again. 
I look back upon how I tried to fit in at different phases of my life, and once I achieved it I realized they were not my people and I was not happy lol
Getting older has many downsides, but hindsight isn't one. 

Back then I always felt like I was waiting for my real life to begin and that it would start once I was pretty and popular enough. I spent my formative years waiting and waiting but it was still the same old me, not fitting in and lost in fantasies.
I hate to be ~that guy~ but I do feel like some psychedelic experiences helped me realize that the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't exist
you ever hear old burnout hippies say, "It's all about the riiiide man, the journey, not the destination maaaan"
well, they ain't wrong lol just annoying 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 21:22
Private
National Star



Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
I look back upon how I tried to fit in at different phases of my life, and once I achieved it I realized they were not my people and I was not happy lol
Getting older has many downsides, but hindsight isn't one. 

Back then I always felt like I was waiting for my real life to begin and that it would start once I was pretty and popular enough. I spent my formative years waiting and waiting but it was still the same old me, not fitting in and lost in fantasies.
I hate to be ~that guy~ but I do feel like some psychedelic experiences helped me realize that the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't exist
you ever hear old burnout hippies say, "It's all about the riiiide man, the journey, not the destination maaaan"
well, they ain't wrong lol just annoying 
Never got into psychedelics enough to have one of those experiences, but I lived with a guy who was always on a trip, drugs or traveling, often both at the same time and he valued those experiences over people and relationships. I never heard him say anything that felt real to me. 
I'm not saying that I'll never do any psychedelics again, but for now they would do more harm than good for me personally. 
16
Posts: 17933
Date: 22-09-2021 21:34
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Getting older has many downsides, but hindsight isn't one. 

Back then I always felt like I was waiting for my real life to begin and that it would start once I was pretty and popular enough. I spent my formative years waiting and waiting but it was still the same old me, not fitting in and lost in fantasies.
I hate to be ~that guy~ but I do feel like some psychedelic experiences helped me realize that the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't exist
you ever hear old burnout hippies say, "It's all about the riiiide man, the journey, not the destination maaaan"
well, they ain't wrong lol just annoying 
Never got into psychedelics enough to have one of those experiences, but I lived with a guy who was always on a trip, drugs or traveling, often both at the same time and he valued those experiences over people and relationships. I never heard him say anything that felt real to me. 
I'm not saying that I'll never do any psychedelics again, but for now they would do more harm than good for me personally. 
Yeah I've seen folks go down that path too. Honestly I think it has a lot to do with the kind of person you are when you go into it. 

idk this new season of AHS where creative people and not-creative people take the same drug and the not-creative people turn into miserable nonsensical monsters feels valid of my college experience. 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 21:37
Chat0yant
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Chat0yant wrote:
I wonder that about a lot of things i enjoy i think

Art: maybe i just am not artistic. I have lots of creative ideas but every time i try anything it just sucks and makes me want to cry

Anime/video game: maybe i don't like them they're just my escapism that's *healthier* than chemical abuse or fake relationships. same w/ my imagination tbh

Animals (i'm planning to go to vet school): maybe i'm just too lazy to think of anything else to do with my life and so am defaulting to what i've wanted to do since i was 6. i'm not really good with animals but i wish i was. but to use an apt metaphor, if wishes were horses...

People: gosh i want to be social and kind so bad but man every social interaction i'm in i just stand there and overthink to oblivion and leave. humans are social, i believe this. but i've been wanting people skill so long and nothing ever happens with that... maybe i'm just too broken and should give up on the loving person i want to be (obv. not true but still feel that every 3am i'm awake...)

this was depressing i'm sorry.  idk if i should post this... u can ignore me if u want i won't mind
20
Posts: 4276
Date: 22-09-2021 21:41
Private
National Star



Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
I hate to be ~that guy~ but I do feel like some psychedelic experiences helped me realize that the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't exist
you ever hear old burnout hippies say, "It's all about the riiiide man, the journey, not the destination maaaan"
well, they ain't wrong lol just annoying 
Never got into psychedelics enough to have one of those experiences, but I lived with a guy who was always on a trip, drugs or traveling, often both at the same time and he valued those experiences over people and relationships. I never heard him say anything that felt real to me. 
I'm not saying that I'll never do any psychedelics again, but for now they would do more harm than good for me personally. 
Yeah I've seen folks go down that path too. Honestly I think it has a lot to do with the kind of person you are when you go into it. 

idk this new season of AHS where creative people and not-creative people take the same drug and the not-creative people turn into miserable nonsensical monsters feels valid of my college experience. 

Never seen the show but sounds about right. 
The guy I mentioned disliked my quirks (fair enough) and said that weed can cure autism symptoms (...).
16
Posts: 17933
Date: 22-09-2021 21:45
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
Chat0yant wrote:
I wonder that about a lot of things i enjoy i think

Art: maybe i just am not artistic. I have lots of creative ideas but every time i try anything it just sucks and makes me want to cry

Anime/video game: maybe i don't like them they're just my escapism that's *healthier* than chemical abuse or fake relationships. same w/ my imagination tbh

Animals (i'm planning to go to vet school): maybe i'm just too lazy to think of anything else to do with my life and so am defaulting to what i've wanted to do since i was 6. i'm not really good with animals but i wish i was. but to use an apt metaphor, if wishes were horses...

People: gosh i want to be social and kind so bad but man every social interaction i'm in i just stand there and overthink to oblivion and leave. humans are social, i believe this. but i've been wanting people skill so long and nothing ever happens with that... maybe i'm just too broken and should give up on the loving person i want to be (obv. not true but still feel that every 3am i'm awake...)

this was depressing i'm sorry.  idk if i should post this... u can ignore me if u want i won't mind
I'm gonna address some of these lol

So, for art - I'm a working/teaching artist, it's what I do for a living, I pay most of my bills that way. When I feel uninspired, or untalented, I find a piece I made when I still felt good and inspired - or at least something I like. I try to recreate it, or reimagine it - re-draw something, or I sometimes embroider something I drew in the past. Bring new life to it - it' always comes out better, it just gets the creative juices flowing.
But as for generally feeling uncreative - everything has been done before - so don't pressure yourself to try and come up with something brand new, it ruins the fun of creating. Instead, think about what you're creating means to you, or the broader world. (for example, a lot of my work is mending textiles, so I like to think about the women in history before me who did it, I like to learn their history.)

as for escapism, nothing is wrong with escapism as long as you come home before you get lost out there.

And I got nothin' for ya on the social interactions lol because I have been feeling pretty down on that myself lately. I used to go out to bars alone in towns where no one knew me, and it gave me a chance to figure out who I was without worrying about how folks close to me would perceive me. If I made an ass of myself, I'd just never go back lol
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 21:49
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
Never got into psychedelics enough to have one of those experiences, but I lived with a guy who was always on a trip, drugs or traveling, often both at the same time and he valued those experiences over people and relationships. I never heard him say anything that felt real to me. 
I'm not saying that I'll never do any psychedelics again, but for now they would do more harm than good for me personally. 
Yeah I've seen folks go down that path too. Honestly I think it has a lot to do with the kind of person you are when you go into it. 

idk this new season of AHS where creative people and not-creative people take the same drug and the not-creative people turn into miserable nonsensical monsters feels valid of my college experience. 

Never seen the show but sounds about right. 
The guy I mentioned disliked my quirks (fair enough) and said that weed can cure autism symptoms (...).
As someone who graduated with a degree in agriculture, and is also a total stoner - there's nothing more boring to me than bros who think that weed alone can save the worlds problems, like health and climate. 
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 21:50 | Times changed: 1
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Barbarella wrote:
I think pop music is blackberries for me too
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 22-09-2021 22:50
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Barbarella wrote:
I slept way better last night and tbh I think hashing out the deep thoughts here may have helped lol
20
Posts: 8725
Date: 23-09-2021 17:09
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