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Clegane wrote:
I dont wanna continue to bore people on vp with my relationship stuff 
but I think the night-before-last's excessive drinking made something click in my brain

like that was the final straw

Before that, after his cheating, I knew I should break up, I'm not an idiot, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it 
mentally I was still really stuck to him
Like I knew it was logical but my heart was still fully set

but then that happened and suddenly I was like "wtf am I even doing, why am I doing this to myself? This is a massive burden and toll on my mental health, a relationship should be a support not make me miserable..." etc

I keep thinking about the guy I've loved before, the one nothing really ended up happening with in the ends, as he moved

and I just keep thinking about what could have been
And about how I could see, what I imagined my future to be like, more with him...

He's not massively in debt, he lives a healthy lifestyle, he doesn't drink alcohol, we could have biologically children, he doesn't bash my interests or act like I'm a child sometimes, in fact we even share many interests and he's truly a wonderful man
except that he's more of a solitary being and 
while I know this man had feelings for me at one point in time
Shouldn't  it have been like "if something was meant to happen it would've happened"? 

Maybe I need a break 
Maybe I should just stop with men right now
The ones I've had in my life till now at least 

But I'm stuck right now
And seemingly can't get over the dude I've loved before 

Last year at this time I haven't even held hands with a man yet
and now I'm in this huge mess 
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 03-10-2021 14:48 | Times changed: 4
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Clegane wrote:
Oh also yesterday my parents asked if my boyfriend is an alcoholic and told me to be careful
So now even they seem to know 
15
Posts: 12175
Date: 03-10-2021 15:04 | Times changed: 1
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Sylvan wrote:
We are all rooting for you, I really hope that in a year you look back and think 'why did it take me so long to do something, it's not good to be miserable all the time in a relationship'.
16
Posts: 17933
Date: 03-10-2021 15:17
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Versailles wrote:
I think you need to make the hard decision and be single a bit. This relationship doesn't serve you anything other than being dragged down and breadcrubs of positive sides. You're used to him & attached so I understand it's hard. 

It's gonna be sad and maybe be in some kind of a fog. But in the end you'll be okay and the heaviness goes away quicker than you think.  When you meet ppl you gonna see some amazing guys and even tho it's only a date or just someone u met and got to know; you gonna open up and realize there's a lot of good people that can potentionally make you happy in the future. You deserve to be happy, respected and loved. 

I wish you the best and i'm rooting for ya. I'm sorry that you experienced this, bad relationship do put some kind of trauma and it sucks. But you got the ball here and can make the decision to choose yourself first.
20
Posts: 6859
Date: 03-10-2021 15:22
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