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this is me ranting
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
about my mom ranting to me about my brother (they dont know we know they know we know)

my brothers been going out a lot lately drinking and coming home early mornings on week days and its upsetting my mom and multiple times she has cried to me about it. my brother was out last night and came home 8am this morning and my mom cried to me again and called him a shit boy (lortedreng) and said she didnt want him in the house anymore he could go live in a hole

on one side im like yes spill the tea but on the other side she is my mom and im her child and it feels wrong that she trash talks my brother to me right? anyway i think the reason for her getting so upset about it is bc she fear my brother will turn out like my dad (a shit person and an alcoholic) and right now he is following him every foot step. i hate to see it too actually. like i guess about a week ago we all learned my dad has cancer and my dad has gone back to drinking after being sober for a few months and my brother is also using it as an excuse to drink bc he is sad

i just hate that its upsetting my mom so much she doesnt deserve this family and i hate that i have to be the "good daughter" she can hold on to and it makes me afraid to make mistakes and i dont know where im going with this anymore i feel a pressure in my chest from writing this but i really needed to do it and i need to share it with someone else than my diary sorry for being depressing vp
18
Posts: 13567
Date: 15-10-2021 17:54
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bee wrote:
my mom with tears in her eyes telling my brother how hurt she is that he keeps doing this and my brother just getting mad and not even apologizing and im just sitting here pretending to be busy on my phone like i cant hear them right next to me lol
18
Posts: 13567
Date: 15-10-2021 19:37
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wrote:
Remember that you can set that boundary with her that you don't want to hear her trashtalk your brother. I sure do not like my parents trashing each other to me after their divorce, or one of them trash-talking my twin.  I don't wanna be the person that has to carry or deal with that. They should find someone else, like a friend their age or someone professional because it' not healthy for the kids in the family to be the venting\ranting spaces.


Like I don't think it helps w your mom telling him how bad he makes HER feel because if the issue is that HE is hurt, then that's was needs to be dealt with, not as much how the symptoms are bothering your mom. And it's understandable that your mom (and you) feel anxious about it after the history with your father, but one could argue some is projection and seriously, u guys need to sit down with a level-headed talk about what's working and not working in your family right now so everyone gets to say their shit because to me it seems like ALL of you are suffering from what's going on. And yeah, your brother should get the option to ask for help if he needs it. Let him know it's an option. It's probably a frustrating situation to be in that you are going down that road and that it is running in the family. 
Date: 15-10-2021 19:56
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bee wrote:
Nesta wrote:
Remember that you can set that boundary with her that you don't want to hear her trashtalk your brother. I sure do not like my parents trashing each other to me after their divorce, or one of them trash-talking my twin.  I don't wanna be the person that has to carry or deal with that. They should find someone else, like a friend their age or someone professional because it' not healthy for the kids in the family to be the venting\ranting spaces.


Like I don't think it helps w your mom telling him how bad he makes HER feel because if the issue is that HE is hurt, then that's was needs to be dealt with, not as much how the symptoms are bothering your mom. And it's understandable that your mom (and you) feel anxious about it after the history with your father, but one could argue some is projection and seriously, u guys need to sit down with a level-headed talk about what's working and not working in your family right now so everyone gets to say their shit because to me it seems like ALL of you are suffering from what's going on. And yeah, your brother should get the option to ask for help if he needs it. Let him know it's an option. It's probably a frustrating situation to be in that you are going down that road and that it is running in the family. 
im still learning to set boundaries and my family dont really understand why its important and they find it ridiculous when i ask them to respect the boundaries i have. i dont know how to tell her to stop really. overall we're just not a family who talk together like that, theres so many like taboos and things being unsaid and what youre explaining would be a good idea to do but i just cant see it happen. at least i wouldnt know how to take the initiative for it. im just waiting for the day i can move out tbh. thank you for your words  
18
Posts: 13567
Date: 15-10-2021 20:08
Account deleted




wrote:
bee wrote:
Nesta wrote:
Remember that you can set that boundary with her that you don't want to hear her trashtalk your brother. I sure do not like my parents trashing each other to me after their divorce, or one of them trash-talking my twin.  I don't wanna be the person that has to carry or deal with that. They should find someone else, like a friend their age or someone professional because it' not healthy for the kids in the family to be the venting\ranting spaces.


Like I don't think it helps w your mom telling him how bad he makes HER feel because if the issue is that HE is hurt, then that's was needs to be dealt with, not as much how the symptoms are bothering your mom. And it's understandable that your mom (and you) feel anxious about it after the history with your father, but one could argue some is projection and seriously, u guys need to sit down with a level-headed talk about what's working and not working in your family right now so everyone gets to say their shit because to me it seems like ALL of you are suffering from what's going on. And yeah, your brother should get the option to ask for help if he needs it. Let him know it's an option. It's probably a frustrating situation to be in that you are going down that road and that it is running in the family. 
im still learning to set boundaries and my family dont really understand why its important and they find it ridiculous when i ask them to respect the boundaries i have. i dont know how to tell her to stop really. overall we're just not a family who talk together like that, theres so many like taboos and things being unsaid and what youre explaining would be a good idea to do but i just cant see it happen. at least i wouldnt know how to take the initiative for it. im just waiting for the day i can move out tbh. thank you for your words  
My family is that way too, and saying it will make things easier 9/10 times. If you can't give a good reason then jmake sure to make sure they understand that it is important for you, and if they go back to the behavior you can restate it again until it sink in (leave the situation if you can too.) Or you can tell them it makes you feel bad and that you don't want to hear the trash talking bc that should be fairly easy to understand for anyone rly 

Anyways, good luck. Sending hugs
Date: 15-10-2021 20:37
Private
Streetmusician



kruspersille wrote:
lortedreng 
14
Posts: 58474
Date: 15-10-2021 20:40
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
Nesta wrote:
bee wrote:
Nesta wrote:
Remember that you can set that boundary with her that you don't want to hear her trashtalk your brother. I sure do not like my parents trashing each other to me after their divorce, or one of them trash-talking my twin.  I don't wanna be the person that has to carry or deal with that. They should find someone else, like a friend their age or someone professional because it' not healthy for the kids in the family to be the venting\ranting spaces.


Like I don't think it helps w your mom telling him how bad he makes HER feel because if the issue is that HE is hurt, then that's was needs to be dealt with, not as much how the symptoms are bothering your mom. And it's understandable that your mom (and you) feel anxious about it after the history with your father, but one could argue some is projection and seriously, u guys need to sit down with a level-headed talk about what's working and not working in your family right now so everyone gets to say their shit because to me it seems like ALL of you are suffering from what's going on. And yeah, your brother should get the option to ask for help if he needs it. Let him know it's an option. It's probably a frustrating situation to be in that you are going down that road and that it is running in the family. 
im still learning to set boundaries and my family dont really understand why its important and they find it ridiculous when i ask them to respect the boundaries i have. i dont know how to tell her to stop really. overall we're just not a family who talk together like that, theres so many like taboos and things being unsaid and what youre explaining would be a good idea to do but i just cant see it happen. at least i wouldnt know how to take the initiative for it. im just waiting for the day i can move out tbh. thank you for your words  
My family is that way too, and saying it will make things easier 9/10 times. If you can't give a good reason then jmake sure to make sure they understand that it is important for you, and if they go back to the behavior you can restate it again until it sink in (leave the situation if you can too.) Or you can tell them it makes you feel bad and that you don't want to hear the trash talking bc that should be fairly easy to understand for anyone rly 

Anyways, good luck. Sending hugs
i think i will try to see if i can get it out when i get the opportunity. could be good yea

<3
18
Posts: 13567
Date: 15-10-2021 21:01
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bee wrote:
kruspersille wrote:
lortedreng 
ik😭
18
Posts: 13567
Date: 15-10-2021 21:03
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