Serious question (tw sue of side) - Forum

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:
How does one not lose the will to live working a sad minimum wage job with no future?
So uhhh backstory. A few months ago, as some of you may recall, I started working my first actual job (that is, not a one off job) at a coffee chain shop. Spoiler alert, I don't work there anymore, that lasted all of a month. The reason why I don't work there anymore, not only because it was hard, but if I'm honest, it made me feel incredibly unwell. More specifically, working at a job I didn't like or enjoy without an end goal, while I don't study or have plans for the future, was a constant reminder of my lack of a future. It brought up this thought I have had in the past, mostly while I was at school but not only, it's a horrible thought so uhh let me just TW sue of side please proceed with caution. Basically it made me think that attempting to unalive meself would be an easy way out. That if I don't succeed, I would have an excuse not to work there anymore, and if I do, well I'm dead so bye bye problems. Bad thought, no good very bad. But I thought it.
So I quit, and I didn't work for a while. I tried working at this small craft store, which was nice, but I was fired after my second shift for akshually no reason.
Flashforward to a week ago. I was running some errands, feeling very responsible and adult, when I walked by a sign next to a fast fashion clothing store saying they were looking for employees. I walked past that sign a few times in the past and thought I might want to try it out, but this time I actually did, I came in, gave them my info yada yada yada I got the job. I've worked three shifts now, and I'm getting that feeling again. I'm constantly thinking about that same thought for the whole 8 hour shift. I'm exhausted, I'm miserable, I'm uhhh sue of sidal. Not good. I told them I could work 4 shifts a week but at this rate I can honestly see myself crashing under that kind of work load, which feels pathetic, like, people work 4 8 hour shifts a week while studying all the time, and I'm not studying. It's making me very aware of my disability, I guess (emotional disability, that is, like, mental illness).
So to my question, how does one not want to off themselves working a job they hate? Should I even continue working when it makes me feel this way? Am I a little bitch? Thank you, have a nice day.

Private
Youtube star

Limbs wrote:
maybe you're just not well enough to work at the moment? you're not a little bitch, you have an illness

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:

Limbs wrote:
maybe you're just not well enough to work at the moment? you're not a little bitch, you have an illness

Yeah probably but I want to have money ya know
I am probably gonna get disability checks from the government in a few months but I feel bad using that money for the stuff I want money for so I'll probably just save if up.

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:
Also uh I'm gonna talk to my psychologist about this too I'm not just basing my life decisions on vp don't worry lmao

Private
National star

Sobbing wrote:

Limbs wrote:
maybe you're just not well enough to work at the moment? you're not a little bitch, you have an illness

yes but mental illness is not as visible as a broken leg, i think op struggles with the feeling of shame over not being good enough/normal

i think it's less about the actual work but the state you're in, and as you say yourself, you're not in a good state, you have to forgive yourself and be empathetic towards yourself,, work on your mental state before you take on work imo
there's always something deeper

Private
National star

Sylvan wrote:
Does your country have infrastructure for like jobs mentally ill people can do?

It's easier if people don't expect you to live up to healthy people's standards.

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:

Sobbing wrote:

Limbs wrote:
maybe you're just not well enough to work at the moment? you're not a little bitch, you have an illness

yes but mental illness is not as visible as a broken leg, i think op struggles with the feeling of shame over not being good enough/normal

i think it's less about the actual work but the state you're in, and as you say yourself, you're not in a good state, you have to forgive yourself and be empathetic towards yourself,, work on your mental state before you take on work imo
there's always something deeper

I do and I'm very much aware of it, like rationally I know that it's not my fault and that I have an illness and i can't expect myself to function the way other people my age might but that self awareness does absolutely nothing.

Private
World famous

misjel wrote:
It's very individual and it's great that you are trying, 8 hours a day is probably more than what you would spend at school

if you want the money what if you started out with doing shorter shifts and/or less frequently? What kind of work would you see yourself doing? ultimately having smth to do can improve your well being but maybe the fast fashion store isn't the right fit, like, you enjoyed working at the craft store

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:

Sylvan wrote:
Does your country have infrastructure for like jobs mentally ill people can do?

It's easier if people don't expect you to live up to healthy people's standards.

Yes very much so, we have what's called a "safe factory" it's basically a work environment built for people with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting disability rom the government so I can go to this program for people my age with mental illnesses and for the first month I'll have to work at one.
I could theoretically work at one but. Pride. I know for a fact that I have above average intelligence (this isn't me bragging, I don't feel smart I just know that for a fact because of all of the diagnoses I've had) so not being able to translate that into functioning like a normal person uhhh feels like shit. I have big dreams you know, I want to volunteer like most people in my country do at this stage in their lives. I want ot get a higher education, I want to study medicine, I want to build a life for myself but I physically can't and it fucking sucks.

Private
National star

Sobbing wrote:

Alam wrote:

Sobbing wrote:

Limbs wrote:
maybe you're just not well enough to work at the moment? you're not a little bitch, you have an illness

yes but mental illness is not as visible as a broken leg, i think op struggles with the feeling of shame over not being good enough/normal

i think it's less about the actual work but the state you're in, and as you say yourself, you're not in a good state, you have to forgive yourself and be empathetic towards yourself,, work on your mental state before you take on work imo
there's always something deeper

I do and I'm very much aware of it, like rationally I know that it's not my fault and that I have an illness and i can't expect myself to function the way other people my age might but that self awareness does absolutely nothing.

yeah but how is your self-esteem overall? are you kind to yourself? are you happy with yourself? what is it that is in your way of feeling ok with the way you are? you sound like an intelligent individual who's struggling with perfectionism and low self esteem
i saw you're seeing a psychologist and that's good, what kind of treatment are you doing? or are you medicated only?

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:

Misjel wrote:
It's very individual and it's great that you are trying, 8 hours a day is probably more than what you would spend at school

if you want the money what if you started out with doing shorter shifts and/or less frequently? What kind of work would you see yourself doing? ultimately having smth to do can improve your well being but maybe the fast fashion store isn't the right fit, like, you enjoyed working at the craft store

I'm just scared to ask for less shifts immediately after starting to work, but I should do that yes. I think 3 shifts a week is much more realistic.
Yes but that's because there was less work lmao

Private
National star

kagura wrote:

Alam wrote:

Sylvan wrote:
Does your country have infrastructure for like jobs mentally ill people can do?

It's easier if people don't expect you to live up to healthy people's standards.

Yes very much so, we have what's called a "safe factory" it's basically a work environment built for people with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting disability rom the government so I can go to this program for people my age with mental illnesses and for the first month I'll have to work at one.
I could theoretically work at one but. Pride. I know for a fact that I have above average intelligence (this isn't me bragging, I don't feel smart I just know that for a fact because of all of the diagnoses I've had) so not being able to translate that into functioning like a normal person uhhh feels like shit. I have big dreams you know, I want to volunteer like most people in my country do at this stage in their lives. I want ot get a higher education, I want to study medicine, I want to build a life for myself but I physically can't and it fucking sucks.

your intelligence has literally nothing to do with that or your mental health. we have same kind of system here and one guy who was there with me at the same time (he's still my good friend) is literally in a med school now

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:

Sobbing wrote:

Alam wrote:

Sobbing wrote:
yes but mental illness is not as visible as a broken leg, i think op struggles with the feeling of shame over not being good enough/normal

i think it's less about the actual work but the state you're in, and as you say yourself, you're not in a good state, you have to forgive yourself and be empathetic towards yourself,, work on your mental state before you take on work imo
there's always something deeper

I do and I'm very much aware of it, like rationally I know that it's not my fault and that I have an illness and i can't expect myself to function the way other people my age might but that self awareness does absolutely nothing.

yeah but how is your self-esteem overall? are you kind to yourself? are you happy with yourself? what is it that is in your way of feeling ok with the way you are? you sound like an intelligent individual who's struggling with perfectionism and low self esteem
i saw you're seeing a psychologist and that's good, what kind of treatment are you doing? or are you medicated only?

I see both a psychologist and psychiatrist, I'm heavily medicated and reliant on that medication, which I'm completely fine with. My psychologist works with cbt I think? Also animal therapy, which is nice. I've been treated for my mental health for the past uhh 6 years of my life? So since I was 12. It's only gotten worse though uwu.

Alam
World famous

Alam wrote:

kagura wrote:

Alam wrote:

Sylvan wrote:
Does your country have infrastructure for like jobs mentally ill people can do?

It's easier if people don't expect you to live up to healthy people's standards.

Yes very much so, we have what's called a "safe factory" it's basically a work environment built for people with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting disability rom the government so I can go to this program for people my age with mental illnesses and for the first month I'll have to work at one.
I could theoretically work at one but. Pride. I know for a fact that I have above average intelligence (this isn't me bragging, I don't feel smart I just know that for a fact because of all of the diagnoses I've had) so not being able to translate that into functioning like a normal person uhhh feels like shit. I have big dreams you know, I want to volunteer like most people in my country do at this stage in their lives. I want ot get a higher education, I want to study medicine, I want to build a life for myself but I physically can't and it fucking sucks.

your intelligence has literally nothing to do with that or your mental health. we have same kind of system here and one guy who was there with me at the same time (he's still my good friend) is literally in a med school now

I know it doesn't, and I don't apply that flawed logic to other people. I knew someone who now works at one of those programs and I know he's intelligent. Pride isn't a rational thing, being self aware isn't a cure all, you know? Everyone always talks about how the first step in solving a problem is acknowledging you have it, great, I do, what now?

Private
National star

Sobbing wrote:

Alam wrote:

Sobbing wrote:

Alam wrote:
I do and I'm very much aware of it, like rationally I know that it's not my fault and that I have an illness and i can't expect myself to function the way other people my age might but that self awareness does absolutely nothing.

yeah but how is your self-esteem overall? are you kind to yourself? are you happy with yourself? what is it that is in your way of feeling ok with the way you are? you sound like an intelligent individual who's struggling with perfectionism and low self esteem
i saw you're seeing a psychologist and that's good, what kind of treatment are you doing? or are you medicated only?

I see both a psychologist and psychiatrist, I'm heavily medicated and reliant on that medication, which I'm completely fine with. My psychologist works with cbt I think? Also animal therapy, which is nice. I've been treated for my mental health for the past uhh 6 years of my life? So since I was 12. It's only gotten worse though uwu.

do you feel like you've made progress with therapy? you're quite young so a lot of these things will get better with time as you learn from mistakes, you're also in a period right now where you stop being treated like a child and have to become an adult,, it's a tough period so a lot of these feelings of having to work, doing things in general is very overwhelming and it's normal
take this up with your psychologist, i think it will help

Private
National star

kagura wrote:

Alam wrote:

kagura wrote:

Alam wrote:
Yes very much so, we have what's called a "safe factory" it's basically a work environment built for people with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting disability rom the government so I can go to this program for people my age with mental illnesses and for the first month I'll have to work at one.
I could theoretically work at one but. Pride. I know for a fact that I have above average intelligence (this isn't me bragging, I don't feel smart I just know that for a fact because of all of the diagnoses I've had) so not being able to translate that into functioning like a normal person uhhh feels like shit. I have big dreams you know, I want to volunteer like most people in my country do at this stage in their lives. I want ot get a higher education, I want to study medicine, I want to build a life for myself but I physically can't and it fucking sucks.

your intelligence has literally nothing to do with that or your mental health. we have same kind of system here and one guy who was there with me at the same time (he's still my good friend) is literally in a med school now

I know it doesn't, and I don't apply that flawed logic to other people. I knew someone who now works at one of those programs and I know he's intelligent. Pride isn't a rational thing, being self aware isn't a cure all, you know? Everyone always talks about how the first step in solving a problem is acknowledging you have it, great, I do, what now?

i don't know how exactly this your "safe factory" place works in your country of course, so i can't know about that. but that similiar thing we have here is exactly to help people to get back on track in their lives
so like if that's just possible for you to get to the place like that or in a therapy i recommend that. if you wanna achieve more, then go for it, but you might need help with that and it's okay