i feel a bit bad - Forum - Virtual Popstar

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Limbs wrote:
my friend's mom invited him and me to go to a café today, and i said no because i'm really nervous about meeting her and especially in an anxiety-inducing place like a café is just an immediate no

then my friend kept trying to convince me for like a whole hour, because i do need to do things that make me anxious in order to get better and it would've made him happy and his mom is so excited to meet me etcetc

so now i feel bad because they're both maybe kind of disappointed that i didn't come
is it ok that i said no?? i don't know if it was rude and aaah just ugh

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disposable wrote:
well, perhaps he has a point with "need to do things to get better" but i don't think you should feel bad. could you meet his mum in some other way that's not anxious for you? or maybe invite/bring them to a place that you choose and are more comfortable with?

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Nuola wrote:
i know that feeling really well, it sucks to feel like you're possibly disappointing people. but you got to remember that other people can't tell you at what pace you should work on your anxiety, they can make recommendations, but they can't force you. sometimes what they think is best isn't always what is best for you. i hope they understand that or maybe you could even change up plans to cut the stress down? maybe go somewhere to meet them that is more your territory/comfort zone?

it is good to push out of your comfort zone but you also have to do it on your own terms to avoid overexerting yourself, for me i know after pushing out i need a day or two to recharge.

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Limbs wrote:
they're just making such a huge deal about me because i'm like the first person my friend has been able to trust in years. and his parents want to see what kind of person has been so wonderful that he's been able to trust me or whatever. n i just know that the only thing i can do here is disappoint them (bc i am horrible actually) and i'm worried i'll do something to make them hate me and lose my friend as well.

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Nuola wrote:

Limbs wrote:
they're just making such a huge deal about me because i'm like the first person my friend has been able to trust in years. and his parents want to see what kind of person has been so wonderful that he's been able to trust me or whatever. n i just know that the only thing i can do here is disappoint them (bc i am horrible actually) and i'm worried i'll do something to make them hate me and lose my friend as well.

i'm not sure if you're in a place with a lot of stigma around anxiety/etc, but maybe you can just be honest with them? and negotiate something less overwhelming so you can please them while also feeling like you pushed out a bit. i don't think you're horrible, at least not any more than the rest of us lol. by the sound of it they already seem to see you in rose tinted glasses, so it might be harder for them to pick out any negatives about you.