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General < General

Story time with Barbarella - its a good one

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Barbarella wrote:
Y'all I just had me the most Kentucky-Fried experience out shopping today. I do a lot of second-hand junk pickin' - sometimes I resell, sometimes I find stuff that suits my collection, either way it's how I meet the absolute most interesting people.

Today, I stop at this little shop thats just a white standalone building that says "WE BUY JUNK" and there was junk outside, so I whip my lil' wagon in, park it badly, and go in and holy fuck y'all, yes, it was piled floor to ceiling with what some might consider junk, but it was CLEAR to me that this man knew what he had, and what it was worth - it was fucking curated junk. Vintage band shirts, stacks, boxes, piles of records (GOOD records), guitars, radios, amps, vintage toys, old tapes and movies, magazines, etc. This is NOT something I expected in my tiny little town. I felt like I just walked into a shop that should only exist in the Joe Dirt universe, y'all, sweet home alabama just started playing in my head.

Here's the google street-view image

Posting the next parts in the comments

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Barbarella wrote:
So I'm in there, browsing, and this fella comes in and starts shootin' the shit with the shop owner, and he was like "Joe if you ever need some help gettin' this sorted, tagged, and sold on ebay you let me know" and dude goes, "Buddy I ain't hiring staff I'm lookin' for me a wife"
y'all I cackled, and it really only gets better from here.

This little developmentally-disabled older cross-eyed man rolls up on a bicycle and buys a KISS shirt, puts it on right there, and just is hangin' out, talkin' bout all the bands he's seen live in his days, so cute, fucking precious. So I'm browsing, and these guys are talkin, and dude gestures to me "don't you mind us, we're just talkin' bout shit that don't matter - oh oh, I'm sorry, that was foul language" and I look this man dead in the eye and I was like "buddy you don't know me but I promise you I ain't the one to fuckin' worry bout in that regard" and lemme tell ya the entire vibe of the store changed and I immediately became the center of attention (not in a bad way), they were absolutely not prepared for a petite young woman who looks like she's dressed for church to roll in and start droppin' f-bombs like greasy marbles.

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Barbarella wrote:
So, I realize, these men are probably a LOT more like I am, than I expected them to be - and shit, dude may actually have some of what I'm lookin' for, so I go up to him, and I was like "Alright bud, I'm a collector and I collect some shit you may not expect, most places 'round here won't put it on the shelves but you seem like the type to have it"
His interest was piqued, immediately and he asked me "What are you lookin' for thats so hard to find?"
and I tell him "Well, I collect vintage mens magazines, like, pre 1980's, ideally 60's mens mags" he goes, "you mean like nudie magazines?" y'all, this mans eyes lit up, like he'd just met his goddamned soul mate haha
and he tells me "Well, I used to have a bunch of old Playboys, but this feller over here bought em all up" and he points at the cross-eyed old man on the bicycle who seemed...so relieved? so relieved that he'd heard me say things that tell him I am a safe person to be a pervert around, haha.
And I tell him "Well, yeah, I'd be down to buy some vintage Playboys but I'm really looking for some weirder, less common stuff" and he tells me "well, it may be a week or so, but I've got some boxes full of old 60s and 70s porno mags I can bring by, I'll need $10 per magazine though, they're rare" and y'all I believe him, he's been strugglin' since eBay made it harder to sell adult items. I tell him to bring em and I'll come back for them. (I really will be going back!)

it gets better

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Barbarella wrote:
so I'm just pickin' through the store, flipping through boxes, and I notice a crate that's half-full of Playboys while those two men were immersed in their own little world. And I'm like, "I thought you said you didn't have any Playboys?" and he was like "I don't, he bought them all" and I'm pulling out Playboy's one after another, going "Playboy, heres another playboy, playboy, playboy, buddy you got a half a crate of Playboys here!" and that little old man who'd bought all the others is getting GIDDY, oh bless, even if I wanted these, I couldn't have bought them, because this man was SO happy, it was SO cute.

and I walk off to let him dig through the magazines and this other older gentleman comes in and he looks at the shop owner, greets him, then sees me, and says "oh we have a problem..." and the shop owner looked a little perplexed and was like "Problem?" and dude says something along the lines of "There's a young lady in here!" and the shop owner looks at him, looks at me and goes "ain't no problem, trust me" and this fella gets these discs from the shop owner and leaves. Shop owner looks at me, laughing and says "I just sold porno discs in front of you, he ain't got internet" and I was like "that don't bother me none, they don't call me The Smut Peddler of Central Kentucky for nothin'" and the whole rest of the time I was there he addressed me as Smut Peddler.

Every minute I was in here my accent kept getting thicker and thicker.

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Barbarella wrote:
so now I'm squattin' down on the floor diggin' thru a box, that heel on my cowboy boots probably the only thing helping me maintain my balance, and this woman comes into the shop with her teenage son.

This woman has clearly seen the inside of a jail cell on more than one occasion - if someone had told me she stabbed her husband and would be happy to do it again, I'd fuckin' believe them without question, she was HARD. And her son runs in after some ruckus outside, and goes "Some dude on a moped out there just popped a wheelie and started hollerin' at me, it was super weird!" and I look at this kid and I'm like "Y'all know there's a whole ass moped gang around these parts, right?" and momma is like "You've gotta be shittin' me, a what?" and I was like, "Yeah man, they just fix up vintage japanese mopeds and ride around, they hold rallies, post up at bars in [next city over], it's a whole ass thing, they're vulgar and I support the fuck outta it" and this hard ass woman goes, "I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRLS ENERGY RIGHT HERE!" and she just hung on every word I said the rest of the time I was there.

Then the shop owner mentioned to her what I came in looking for, and shes's like "Oh man you should see the magazines he has at his house, they're fuckin cool!" and I was like "yeah girl I'm comin' back for 'em, this ain't the last you'll see of me" and I shit you not, this woman goes "Yessss honey come back, just don't come back on the 12th, that's pill day"

I have no idea what pill day is.

Anyways, I'll definitely update you when I go to buy the magazines hahaha

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Suchomimus wrote:
this was strangely wholesome
n ur life sounds so interesting

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Barbarella wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
this was strangely wholesome
n ur life sounds so interesting

I want to clarify you should absolutely not talk to strange men the way I talk to strange men unless you are super familiar with the weird little cultural nuances to maintain safety.

I would never be this forwardly perverted if I was alone in an unfamiliar town, but I definitely speak the language of the kentucky resellin' pill folk

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Barbarella wrote:
but yes strangely wholesome is exactly how I'd describe this lol

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Suchomimus wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
this was strangely wholesome
n ur life sounds so interesting

no need to worry i do not talk to strangers asdkjhdfds
i aspire to have ur level of confidence tho

Account deleted

wrote:
What is a pill day and the magz cliffhangers u r pulling rn 😭

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Barbarella wrote:

Eostre wrote:
What is a pill day and the magz cliffhangers u r pulling rn 😭

I literally have no idea what pill day is, best I can guess it's the day everyone goes to the pain clinic and gets their pills lol

as for the magazines, he's gotta find them but I'll go back in about a week to check. I dunno what he has, but the kind of stuff I'm trying to get into collecting is like
this

they just have such a unique vibe to them that gives me really great art ideas, and honestly they deserve to be archived

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Barbarella wrote:
I cannot wait to go back, y'all.
I'm gonna try to have my phone recording the audio just so y'all can hear what it's like to interact with these folks

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Barbarella wrote:
y'know I'm over here totally reeling in this entire event and honestly, they probably are just as awestruck as I was?
I doubt they expected anyone like me to ever walk into that store and behave how I did lol

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uhyre wrote:
i love junk shops, i wish there were more of them around here

theres just something in the vibes of the kind of ppl who hang around junk shops and markets and just exist. i want those vibes. unfortunately here those vibes and activities are like 80% intertwined with heavy drug use so i try to stay away unless im like, going to a market with my mom and grandpa lmao

my moms ex (stay away, perish, go to jail, whatever just stay the fuck away. bad news) did a lot of item gathering and selling and what not (the 80%.ofc) and it was fun, sometimes its useful stuff, sometimes its fun stuff, always its weird stuff. gonna miss that (but stay away fuckhead). once he gave me a blue wood plate with sea shells glued to it and glazed over. and a glass ball? i think its decorative i dont know but its just a BALL of glass with some paint on the inside in no discernible pattern. but i have to store it in a corner and cant see it bc the sun is everywhere in my apartment and i dont want it to set my curtains on fire (ive seen scorch marks before i realised GLASS BALL) for christmas he gave me a "could kill someone"-bright headlamp bc i talked about not wanting to rollerskate in the dark. i have a very nice very warm fan heater from him too and last i was at his apartment he had an actual room actually filled with books and magazines. literally stacked everywhere. would harm u if one of the towers fell on u. ive never seen the man read

need to find another old-man to secondhand-shop-addiction to junk-hoarding-and-reselling pipeline victim

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uhyre wrote:
also

"getting high off other peoples junk"?? 😭 lmao. i love advertising

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Barbarella wrote:

uhyre wrote:
also

"getting high off other peoples junk"?? 😭 lmao. i love advertising

Truly! Clever lol

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