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how do i stop being friends
Private
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Rouya wrote:
with someone?

i have a friend who i have come to realise i feel i have nothing to talk about or in common with and i dont really enjoy her company either, bc i always feel very tense around her and super exhausted after hanging out with her. she lives in the same apartment building as me. i dont know how to stop being friends with her. it's not that i want to completely cut her off, i dont mind bumping into her and small talking or if im having a party in the basement ofc she can come, i just dont want to spend any significant amount of time with her one on one bc it is so exhausting. she keeps asking to hang out and idk what to say, i just want to avoid a conflict or it being awkward when we inevitably run into each other

for some background info as well: we have only been friends for a year (since she moved in). we have gone to school together years ago but were never friends, and when she moved in here, she asked if i wanted to have coffee and i said sure, and we just started hanging out semi-regularly. now a year later, i have come to realise that i dont enjoy the friendship and would prefer to only be friendly acquaintances rather than friends. i just dont feel that we are a good match as friends bc we clash on many things and all we really have in common is like similar trauma and insecurities, and i dont think that is a foundation for a friendship

she has also blown up previously over me asking if she was mad when she was being very sarcastic and cold towards me over messenger, so before anyone says "just tell her how you feel" i dont think that will go very well
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 14-08-2022 21:14 | Times changed: 2
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World famous



Claire wrote:
šŸ‘»
21
Posts: 55674
Date: 14-08-2022 21:15
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Rouya wrote:
Claire wrote:
šŸ‘»
we live in the same apartment building. i would have ghosted if it wasnt bc we run into each other literally all the time :s
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 14-08-2022 21:16
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Rouya wrote:
bump
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 14-08-2022 21:51
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Living legend



Kofod wrote:
When she asks to hang out just tell her you aren't in the mood. It's true and it's valid. At some point she'll realize it might be because you aren't in the mood for her.
19
Posts: 53334
Date: 14-08-2022 21:56
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Rouya wrote:
Kofod wrote:
When she asks to hang out just tell her you aren't in the mood. It's true and it's valid. At some point she'll realize it might be because you aren't in the mood for her.
hmm yeah this could work actually. im scared of her eventually confronting me about it tho and asking if its bc i dont want to hang out with herĀ Ā but i will deal with that then, if it happens
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 14-08-2022 22:10
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Living legend



Kofod wrote:
Rouya wrote:
Kofod wrote:
When she asks to hang out just tell her you aren't in the mood. It's true and it's valid. At some point she'll realize it might be because you aren't in the mood for her.
hmm yeah this could work actually. im scared of her eventually confronting me about it tho and asking if its bc i dont want to hang out with herĀ Ā but i will deal with that then, if it happens
I'd probably just say I needed space or something at that point. But whatever feels right in the moment.
19
Posts: 53334
Date: 14-08-2022 22:12
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Rouya wrote:
Kofod wrote:
Rouya wrote:
Kofod wrote:
When she asks to hang out just tell her you aren't in the mood. It's true and it's valid. At some point she'll realize it might be because you aren't in the mood for her.
hmm yeah this could work actually. im scared of her eventually confronting me about it tho and asking if its bc i dont want to hang out with herĀ Ā but i will deal with that then, if it happens
I'd probably just say I needed space or something at that point. But whatever feels right in the moment.
thats actually a good reply! ty for helping, i will try doing these things and see what happens
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 14-08-2022 22:28
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disposable wrote:
if she wants to hang out, answer that you don't have time or whatever and soon she'll figure it out - if not tell her you do not feel as close to her as before and that you need some spaceĀ 
18
Posts: 5820
Date: 14-08-2022 22:38
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disposable wrote:
i had a mini panicattack because me and my close friend live in the same apartment building heh
18
Posts: 5820
Date: 14-08-2022 22:39
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Rouya wrote:
disposable wrote:
if she wants to hang out, answer that you don't have time or whatever and soon she'll figure it out - if not tell her you do not feel as close to her as before and that you need some spaceĀ 
both good options i could use, ty! i will try telling her next time she asks that i dont have time and see what happens after. i think i also need to put some distance between us bc i have not been acting like im uninterested until now, bc i felt it was very rude and im not very good at handling these types of things, so i dont want it to seem like it is coming out of nowhere that first i seem interested and then suddenly im blowing her off every chance i get. so i will have to just make myself more unavailable from now on i think
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 15-08-2022 12:44
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Rouya wrote:
disposable wrote:
i had a mini panicattack because me and my close friend live in the same apartment building heh
ahh im sorry haha afaik no one i know irl uses this websiteĀ 
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 15-08-2022 12:44 | Times changed: 1
Boob
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Boob wrote:
If you don't want to ghost, you can always be too busy to hang out.Ā 
18
Posts: 967
Date: 15-08-2022 13:11
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