another complaint - Forum - Virtual Popstar

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PaintItPink wrote:
about my relationship
am i normal?
i want romance and i like cuddling, but i find that my bf is over the top with it?
he legit expects me to write him 4 cards a year which yeah at the start seemed ok, but now i dont know what to write anymore, its not like im so blinded with love anymore that i could write 4 novels a year about it
and then when were out in PUBLIC doing anything and i dont give him physical affection for like 1,2 hrs hes like 'i get no attention' xD

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Babel wrote:
Sounds like you have a normal healthy boundary while your boyfriend is extremely insecure and needs you to validate him at every turn.

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Rhaella wrote:
sounds like you two just have different needs. he needs more attention than you do, which is completely fine and normal, to an extent. maybe you could talk about it? explain your needs and tell that while you understand his, you cannot give him as much attention as he wants.

expecting something is a harsh word tho, does he get upset and/or angry if you don't meet his needs constantly?

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PaintItPink wrote:

Effer wrote:
Sounds like you have a normal healthy boundary while your boyfriend is extremely insecure and needs you to validate him at every turn.

do u think this is something he can get over lol
i cant do this all my life

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PaintItPink wrote:

Rhaella wrote:
sounds like you two just have different needs. he needs more attention than you do, which is completely fine and normal, to an extent. maybe you could talk about it? explain your needs and tell that while you understand his, you cannot give him as much attention as he wants.

expecting something is a harsh word tho, does he get upset and/or angry if you don't meet his needs constantly?

no he always says he doesnt get angry, he gets disappointed
lol
which for him means he will be quieter and then when he talks u can hear in his voice hes kinda...sad or something

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Rhaella wrote:

PaintItPink wrote:

Rhaella wrote:
sounds like you two just have different needs. he needs more attention than you do, which is completely fine and normal, to an extent. maybe you could talk about it? explain your needs and tell that while you understand his, you cannot give him as much attention as he wants.

expecting something is a harsh word tho, does he get upset and/or angry if you don't meet his needs constantly?

no he always says he doesnt get angry, he gets disappointed
lol
which for him means he will be quieter and then when he talks u can hear in his voice hes kinda...sad or something

i don't know either of you, so i can't really say anything specific. i used to be a lot like him when i was younger tho, so i can try to explain my reasoning back then. i was very insecure, always felt like i wasn't enough, so if i didn't get "enough" attention, i'd be scared that i was going to get dumped soon. i'd get all clingy and demanding.

so, you should have like a proper chat about his behaviour. with empathy and kindness. get to the root cause. then see if it is something you want and are able to deal with. if not, you are allowed to search for a partner who suits you better.

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PaintItPink wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

PaintItPink wrote:

Rhaella wrote:
sounds like you two just have different needs. he needs more attention than you do, which is completely fine and normal, to an extent. maybe you could talk about it? explain your needs and tell that while you understand his, you cannot give him as much attention as he wants.

expecting something is a harsh word tho, does he get upset and/or angry if you don't meet his needs constantly?

no he always says he doesnt get angry, he gets disappointed
lol
which for him means he will be quieter and then when he talks u can hear in his voice hes kinda...sad or something

i don't know either of you, so i can't really say anything specific. i used to be a lot like him when i was younger tho, so i can try to explain my reasoning back then. i was very insecure, always felt like i wasn't enough, so if i didn't get "enough" attention, i'd be scared that i was going to get dumped soon. i'd get all clingy and demanding.

so, you should have like a proper chat about his behaviour. with empathy and kindness. get to the root cause. then see if it is something you want and are able to deal with. if not, you are allowed to search for a partner who suits you better.

yeah he isnt exactly young, hes a grown man, but i havent really found out where that could come from like
he has friends
has a job
has had a few gfs
who are the only thing he wont really talk about...

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Rhaella wrote:

PaintItPink wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

PaintItPink wrote:
no he always says he doesnt get angry, he gets disappointed
lol
which for him means he will be quieter and then when he talks u can hear in his voice hes kinda...sad or something

i don't know either of you, so i can't really say anything specific. i used to be a lot like him when i was younger tho, so i can try to explain my reasoning back then. i was very insecure, always felt like i wasn't enough, so if i didn't get "enough" attention, i'd be scared that i was going to get dumped soon. i'd get all clingy and demanding.

so, you should have like a proper chat about his behaviour. with empathy and kindness. get to the root cause. then see if it is something you want and are able to deal with. if not, you are allowed to search for a partner who suits you better.

yeah he isnt exactly young, hes a grown man, but i havent really found out where that could come from like
he has friends
has a job
has had a few gfs
who are the only thing he wont really talk about...

sounds weird that he won't talk about his exes... i'd try to have a serious talk with him, and if he still doesn't want to open up about those things, i'd seriously consider moving on from him.