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General < General
love bombing or not?
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
i met a dude a few weeks ago and we have been dating ever since. he is quite intense in his affections, and i'm scared i might be love bombed.  essentially, love bombing means this over the top courting with extravagant gifts and attention in order to lure you in before the abuse. i've been in a relationship like that before so i'm scared of falling for it again.

signs he could be love bombing:
- he compliments me a lot, like constantly telling me how beautiful i am
- he had a hard time looking me in the eyes on our first date, because of how beautiful he found me
- he tells me i am the woman of his dreams/perfect etc
- we have like creepily similar opinions and world views??
- tells me how he wants to worship and adore me

signs of a normal person:
- i talked to him about not moving too fast and keeping our heads cool, which he agreed with and has since toned down his intensity
- nothing alarming in his previous relationships (two longer ones, the last ended with a mutual decision because of growing apart)
- respects my boundaries
- he admits he can come on as too intense
- no over the top gifts or anything
- he has his life together (a good job, good relationships with family and friends)
- doesn't get mad if i don't answer him instantly 
- allows me my space, and needs his own space too
- gave me specific reasons for why he likes me 

could it be that i have actually met someone who is just genuinely fallen head over heels for me and i am just expecting the worst because of me previous experiences and general anxiety?? or is this really too good to be true?
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 18:28
Account deleted




wrote:
Could u tell him u feel uncomfortable because u feel like he's showing a lot affection considering how little time u two have been seeing each other, and you would like to slow it down? If he doesn't respect your feelings then it's a red flag for sure 😅
Date: 06-10-2022 20:20
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
Dystopia wrote:
Could u tell him u feel uncomfortable because u feel like he's showing a lot affection considering how little time u two have been seeing each other, and you would like to slow it down? If he doesn't respect your feelings then it's a red flag for sure 😅
I did and he did respect me and my boundaries, and he told me he even tho he likes me a lot, he still wants to take it slow and really get to know me. 

this other time we were discussing like our previous relationships etc, and i told that i generally like to take things slow. like i'd never move in with anyone i knew for less than a year, and i wouldn't get married before like 4-5 years of dating. then he was like "i like you a lot, but i won't be getting married in 4 years' time, i'd maybe consider proposing after that time". so it's not like he wants to move fast either.
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 20:49
Private
Popstar



ouch wrote:
I think mby he sounds normal enough, just some ppl come off as that, no ill intentions but just uhh,,, idk. But then again, idk if ppl that come off as that, same people that start making future plans and saying they love u after like 1 month, actually like YOU or they are just liking being in a relationship

bit esp if he calmed down I don't think its ill intent at least
16
Posts: 94813
Date: 06-10-2022 20:54
Sokol
National star



Sokol wrote:
ive also dealt with love bombing and this sounds like a normal guy who just really likes you, tbh. id bring up maybe toning it down if it makes you uncomfortable-- he sounds like a nice reasonable guy so im sure hed understand. i get why youd be wary of it tho
19
Posts: 6565
Date: 06-10-2022 20:56
Private
Minister of Pop



Arthema wrote:
He just sounds like an overly affectionate person which well... exists? 

Yes, people can genuinely fall in love with you, looks or personality, maybe you clicked very well...
I think something like this happened to me and my partner,  I've discovered I'm not as much a romantic as I thought I was and when it's too much I communicate openly about toning things down and I want to believe that the same goes to his side like asking to tone down or the opposite?

I think the fact that he's willing to listen and sit down and talk properly like that might show that he's willing to actually work on stuff to build a real and healthy relationship.
He sounds good, might've just really impressed him, explaining it to him properly and maybe bringing up the why and where it comes from, from your side, will help him understand better and navigate it so he's know how to better behave.
17
Posts: 37255
Date: 06-10-2022 20:58
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
ouch wrote:
I think mby he sounds normal enough, just some ppl come off as that, no ill intentions but just uhh,,, idk. But then again, idk if ppl that come off as that, same people that start making future plans and saying they love u after like 1 month, actually like YOU or they are just liking being in a relationship

bit esp if he calmed down I don't think its ill intent at least
oh yeah, if he said that he loved me like within months of dating, that would be a huge red flag! but yeah, good point. i also thought of that, which is why i asked him why he likes me so much. and he gave a fairly detailed answer.
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 20:59
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
Sokol wrote:
ive also dealt with love bombing and this sounds like a normal guy who just really likes you, tbh. id bring up maybe toning it down if it makes you uncomfortable-- he sounds like a nice reasonable guy so im sure hed understand. i get why youd be wary of it tho
thanks for reassuring me! and yeah, i told him and he understood and toned it down and made clear that he wants to take it slow too despite being excited about me.
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 21:00
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
Abby wrote:
He just sounds like an overly affectionate person which well... exists? 

Yes, people can genuinely fall in love with you, looks or personality, maybe you clicked very well...
I think something like this happened to me and my partner,  I've discovered I'm not as much a romantic as I thought I was and when it's too much I communicate openly about toning things down and I want to believe that the same goes to his side like asking to tone down or the opposite?

I think the fact that he's willing to listen and sit down and talk properly like that might show that he's willing to actually work on stuff to build a real and healthy relationship.
He sounds good, might've just really impressed him, explaining it to him properly and maybe bringing up the why and where it comes from, from your side, will help him understand better and navigate it so he's know how to better behave.
the thing is, i have been like him before! i was very open in my affections and feelings, until i got hurt too many times and became wary. so i get where he is coming from. and in time i think i will match his level, IF things don't go south.

but yes, i did have a talk with him about this and explained to him why i am cautious and such. he understood, then explained that he just really likes me but he feels like he struggles to express it in a way that is true to his feelings. i told him that he doesn't need to explain his feelings towards me, he can show them by just sticking by my side. he understood and has toned it down since. so yeah i guess he is a normal dude who is just very affectionate and i somehow managed to really impress him.
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 21:05
Private
Youtube star



Delusion1111111 wrote:
my boyfriend said 'i love u' on our third date looooooool i definitely had similar worries as u and considered if he was lovebombing me for quite a while but ...i guess i just ended up choosing to trust my intuition which was telling me that he wasnt lovebombing me . its gonna b our two year anniversary next month. i couldnt ask for a more loving, affectionate, committed partner

just continue to be very conscious of any potential warning signs . i was in an abusive relationship before this one too and there are so many tiny little things that i chose to ignore at the start of our relationship. these r the things i was looking out for at the start of this current relationship im in .
13
Posts: 6348
Date: 06-10-2022 21:06
Account deleted




wrote:
Rhaella wrote:
Dystopia wrote:
Could u tell him u feel uncomfortable because u feel like he's showing a lot affection considering how little time u two have been seeing each other, and you would like to slow it down? If he doesn't respect your feelings then it's a red flag for sure 😅
I did and he did respect me and my boundaries, and he told me he even tho he likes me a lot, he still wants to take it slow and really get to know me. 

this other time we were discussing like our previous relationships etc, and i told that i generally like to take things slow. like i'd never move in with anyone i knew for less than a year, and i wouldn't get married before like 4-5 years of dating. then he was like "i like you a lot, but i won't be getting married in 4 years' time, i'd maybe consider proposing after that time". so it's not like he wants to move fast either.
Okay 🤔 Time will show who he is. Just trust ur gut feelings!
Date: 06-10-2022 21:06
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
Dystopia wrote:
Rhaella wrote:
Dystopia wrote:
Could u tell him u feel uncomfortable because u feel like he's showing a lot affection considering how little time u two have been seeing each other, and you would like to slow it down? If he doesn't respect your feelings then it's a red flag for sure 😅
I did and he did respect me and my boundaries, and he told me he even tho he likes me a lot, he still wants to take it slow and really get to know me. 

this other time we were discussing like our previous relationships etc, and i told that i generally like to take things slow. like i'd never move in with anyone i knew for less than a year, and i wouldn't get married before like 4-5 years of dating. then he was like "i like you a lot, but i won't be getting married in 4 years' time, i'd maybe consider proposing after that time". so it's not like he wants to move fast either.
Okay 🤔 Time will show who he is. Just trust ur gut feelings!
the thing is, i don't have a gut feeling or it's just wrong all the time. i didn't get a bad feeling about the ex that ended up being emotionally abusive. 
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 21:10
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
Delusion1111111 wrote:
my boyfriend said 'i love u' on our third date looooooool i definitely had similar worries as u and considered if he was lovebombing me for quite a while but ...i guess i just ended up choosing to trust my intuition which was telling me that he wasnt lovebombing me . its gonna b our two year anniversary next month. i couldnt ask for a more loving, affectionate, committed partner

just continue to be very conscious of any potential warning signs . i was in an abusive relationship before this one too and there are so many tiny little things that i chose to ignore at the start of our relationship. these r the things i was looking out for at the start of this current relationship im in .
aww sounds like you really found a good person! that's so nice. gives me hope too lol!

could you tell some examples of those small things, if it's okay?
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 06-10-2022 21:11
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